Sunday, December 31, 2006


This page provides links to all of MySpam. MySpam is a way for me to actually enjoy all of the crappy spam that I've been getting in my email. There's tons of it, so I figured I should find a way to enjoy them. Through MySpam, I get to talk about why these emails entertain me. They are annoying, yes, but also quite humorous.

1)Rob Huge Banks and Get Away With It

2)Mind Control Powers

3)Sword from Samuarai

4)Be a Man

5)Foreign Spam

6)Sleep Soundly and Awake Rested

7)That so Barberry

8)Next of Kin: Peabody

9)Cleanse Colon

10)Generic Drugs

Thursday, December 28, 2006

When Married, Should the Woman Have to Take on the Man's Last Name?

Big wedding coming up tomorrow for me and many of my friends. I'll write about that later. But interestingly enough, I read a post by Nathan that got me thinking. I decided to make a brief comment on his blog, but it got rather lengthy. I was hoping others might chime in with their opinion, but so far, no luck. So now I'm posting it here, hoping that it might spark a discussion. I don't know, maybe it's not a big deal and nobody cares. Maybe you'd rather not take time to think up a response. Whatever.

Anyways, you should read his post first (in the link below), then read my response. The topic is: whether or not a woman should take on the man's last name. Is this another of our chauvinistic traditions? I wonder what happens with gay marriages, since it will probably only be a matter of time before that becomes legalized in every state. I'm just curious what you all think. Especially the womenfolk. Is this degrading or something? Do you even care? Hopefully some people will take the time to add their two cents. Thanks.

Nathan's thoughts: To Keep or Not Keep Thy Last Name

My response:
While I agree that this is something that should definitely be talked about between the man and woman, I'm not sure I agree that we shouldn't hang on to our "caveman way of things."

It seems to me that there are four choices here:
1) Woman takes man's name.
2) Man takes woman's name.
3) Man and woman join name (the hyphen thing).
4) Man and woman keep original name.

Before we begin choosing which of these is the best choice, we all have to agree that we are basing our desicion on what we think is the best general practice for all society. I think each couple should be free to do as they please, but if we had to choose a rule that everyone were forced to follow, I think our current caveman method is the best.

Number three can be easily ruled out as the best choice. As I said, it may work on an individual basis, but as a general rule, it's no good. All we need to do is look two generations down the line to see how confusing this could be. "We are gathered here today to join together Joe Whatam-Ess and Jane Werema-King in holy matrimony...It is my pleasure to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Jane Whatam-Ess-Werema-King!" As you can clearly see, within a few generations things would be chaotic. This cannot be the norm for our society.

Next, we'll move on to number 4. I think the biggest problem this would create would be in naming the child. The original purpose of marriage was to create a family and we have to assume (for the sake of this argument) that this is still the goal of marriage. So if each spouse keeps their own name, what do you name the child? Either name you choose completely alienates the other parent and breaks down one of the essential components of a family: namely, the "name." Even without the child, there is something basic and necessary about the married couple taking on the same name. It's the whole, "two become one" thing. I rest my case on this one, but will argue the point further if necessary in future discussions.

That leaves us with the first two options. The choice between these two is simple. They are virtually the same thing, except that one has a few thousand years of tradition backing it up. I can see no logical reason to suddenly switch to the other method. It just wouldn't make any sense to do this as a society. And we would lose one of the best used password clues we have: "What is your mother's maiden name?" That alone should be enough to keep things the way they are.

So as for me, I think it's best to stick to the caveman way of things. At least on a societal scale.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Gift Card Dispensers

I frequently find myself coming up with ideas that I think are genius. I'm sure you all do too, but mine really are. Anyways, I don't know what else to do with them, so you are free to hack my ideas and make money off of them. Most of my ideas are probably already stolen from others, or have already been invented and I just don't know it. As a landscaping technician, I had the brilliant idea of having a mulch blower that spreads mulch out of a huge tube. I guess it already exists.

So anyways, I was shopping this Christmas and thought of another great idea. First of all, money is just as valid a gift as gift cards are. Only better, because you're not restricted to one store. Sorry, just had to throw that in there.

So here's the idea. Someone should create big gift card dispensers to put in malls and large shopping centers. They could be next to coke machines, or maps, or just located at the entrance or any other convenient place. Then you put your credit card in (like at a gas station), select the store you want your card from, then punch in the amount you want on the gift card. The machine sets it all up electronically, then shoots out your gift card. You could do all your shopping in one stop.

Then you could have deals with other stores, so Wal-Mart could make a deal with Borders or whoever and put some of their gift cards in a store dispenser. People would go to Wal-Mart to do all their holiday shopping. It's seems easy enough to do.

Yeah, so that's pretty much it. Of course if you were really smart, you'd just do all your shopping online. And, Doug happened to write a relevant post on his blog yesterday. It's about buying and selling gift cards online. Check it out here.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Literature Class Story

I received this in an email a few years ago and it finally made its way back around again. I'm sure someone made it up, but who cares. I thought it was pretty funny both times, so in case you haven't received it yet, you can read it here:

From The Halls of Academia:

An English Professor assigned his students to a joint writing exercise that
quickly degraded...

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on, back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).


(First paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation17", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anuudrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks that pushed the unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anuudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!

Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ing TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."



Get screwed.

Eat shit.


(Gary) ----------------------------------------------------------

A+ - I really liked this one.

Colts New Strategy: Desperate Times...

Okay, we're all agreed that the Colts defense is absurd and needs a lot of help (Bob better not get hurt this week). I still believe we can win a couple road games to make it to the Super Bowl. But it's going to take some unconventional football strategy. Here's what I propose:

After every kickoff or punt, we let the opposing team run it all the way back to the thirty yard line (And Adam Vinateri is no longer allowed to tackle for our special teams--If their return man breaks it past the thirty, just let him score). We know that every team is going to eventually get to the thirty yard line, so let's go ahead and spot them that field position. Now we play to hold them to a field goal, or maybe get lucky with a turnover. At best, they can only run off like five minutes before they score, and now we're putting the ball back into our offense's hands.

Peyton & Co. have to score every time anyways, but at least now they'll be able to wear down an opponent's defense and hopefully we'll get a couple more touchdowns and hold them to a few field goals. Maybe everyone scores touchdowns and we can get the coin toss in overtime and win that way. At least now we're playing to our team's strengths, getting more snaps for Peyton, and we'll have the worst special teams in the league instead of the worst defense. I can live with that. Nobody ever says, "you can't win a Super Bowl without a top ten special teams."

The defense would only be giving up thirty yards per drive, which isn't that bad. I am convinced that this strategy is the best chance we've got. We could even take it a step further and go for an onside kick every time. This would serve the same purpose as the above mentioned strategy and also give us a chance to get another offensive possession.

In all honesty, I actually haven't given up on the Colts yet. I still believe they can win a Super Bowl. Unfortunately, I have no evidence to support this belief.

Christmas 2006: Down in the "Dumps"

Here's my quick extended weekend update:

Friday night men's group was fulfilling as always with discussion about friends making foolish choices, how to help, what difference will it make. It was a much deeper discussion than that brief synopsis implies.

Saturday went running with the wife, spent some time catching up with Anna and her trip to the monastery in Guatemala, watched Dead Man Walking, napped, went to J&A's to visit with some old friends. Then watched Little Miss Sunshine. Good movies, good times. And then it all went downhill.

I woke up some time around 3:00 in the morning, with a crappy feeling in my stomach. So I got out of bed and took a dump, thinking this would solve the problem. Two hours later, I got up to do the same. At 7:00, I woke up for the third time and tried to poop again, but it was like water coming out. My stomach still felt terrible, so I reluctantly allowed myself to puke. I hate vomiting. But I thought for sure I would be fine after that. One hour later, I got up to dry heave. Then went back to bed and sweat for the next two hours.

I missed church, which really stinks, especially this time of year. I crawled out of bed to watch a Colts game. Big mistake (more on that later). Then felt too crappy to welcome my brother and his wife, who flew in from California for the holidays. I was miserable.

Then Christmas morning, I didn't feel a whole lot better. By this time, I had eaten half a bowl of Ramen noodles in the past 36 hours. I missed out on church again, which really is really disappointing. It's frustrating to spend 40 days preparing for something and then not being able to participate in the feast. So I took a two hour nap around 9:00, and when I woke up, I miraculously felt better. It was so weird.

So then we had Christmas with my folks and family. Lots of good food that I had to stuff into my shrunken stomach. After that, we ran over to the wife's side of the family for more food and presents. It was nice to be with all the family for Christmas. I'm trying not to take it for granted.

So that was my Christmas weekend. It's tough being back at work.

Friday, December 22, 2006

More Insane Line Rider Fun

This one is called "Urban Run."

The Scariest Thing on the Internet

This site may be the scariest thing I've seen. Seriously.

Also from that website: Russian Orthodox Church Cult Exposed.

For those of you who don't know, this is absolute garbage.

ASSAFASSA: The Next Great Word Game

Phil and I have just finished a project of sorts. We've developed a word game that stemmed from an inside joke involving the word, "Assafassa." I encourage you all to join in the fun, as it is sure to increase your IQ. Or at least your vocabulary. For the letters "a" and "s."

What we've done is told an entire story where each word in a line must start with the corresponding "Assafassa" letter. We would each write one line in the story, alternating turns for the last two or three months. We tried to limit the use of proper names, as they could easily be invented to fit the mold. I think we may have also invented a word or two.

Anyways, below you can read our story in its entirety. I've only changed a bit of the punctuation and given it a title. Phil started the story and I think I wrote the last line. Please feel free to start your own "Assafassa" in the comments section. I will respond to anyone who keeps this going. Have fun!

ASSAFASSA: Sunnis' Last Stand

Already, Susan Sutherbert, accounting firm associate, sounded surprisingly accosted.

Astounded, Sally Strothers asked for a sordid story affirmation.

“Alright!” shouted Susan, “Albert found several suspects alive.

After someone stabbed Albert, finally agents suspected something awful.”

“And?” solicited Sally. “After finally arriving she…she…ahhhhh!”

As Sally Strothers attempted futilely at speaking something, another

announcement startled Susan. “Arrange four armed soldiers Southside and

attack smelly Sunnis at Fort Ass-Sumter.” Somehow, arranging

attackers seems slightly alluring. “Fag.” Announced Susan, “Sunnis always

assume someone soon attacks forcefully.” Acting somewhat stunned, an…

almond skinned soldier approached. “First Albert? Second Susan? And…
(I wonder if this is how children’s stories are written.)

already Sally seems almost frightened at something scary. Alright…

anyone see suspicious agents from a secret service airplane…

ask special soldiers about fighting after said suspicious agents

are seen.” Sally almost fainted. “Are special soldiers accurate?”

“Ask stupid sentences again Freak, and someone’s skull assuredly…

awaits severe squashing.” Again fear approached Susan. “So, Albert…

already someone stated a false argument, supposing secret agents

are sad snipers. Already forget Action Seventy Seven? Any

assholes seen standing around farting, are surely shot against…”

“Alright!” Sally shifted awkwardly, fearing atrocity. “Sunnis should account

about seven...” “Stop!” Albert fearfully and suddenly shouted. “Attaboy…

ace!” Sumter soldiers attacked, fearing a settlement so audacious…
(I think that we are on two different pages of brain…)

anything stopping sure advancement for all, seemed so atrocious.
(I was thinking that after you pulled the seventy seven?)

Away, somewhere secret, Albert’s findings are secured. Soon, anyone…

awaiting specific sounds at Fort, are shot, slain and..

assaulted. Slowly, sunrise awakes. Forest adorningly sheaths several army…

assailants. Silently, scouts arrive from a secret stealth army

aircraft. Sergeant Sunnis approaches, flaunting appendages sickeningly stolen amid

acrid souls. “So,” a foolhardy army soldier said, “already…

activating secret separation accomplishment?” “Fu_ _ ing ass!” said Sunnis.

asking someone such a freaking asinine statement. Should anyone…

assume such sketches already, fairy artard, senatorial sanctions are…

a sure sent action.” Forgetting all sensible signs, an…

arrogant soldier stumbles ahead. Fretful and suspicious, Sunnis attempts…

a secret soliloquy, and forgets about soldiers sneaking around.

Attempting sudden surprise, a foreign assailant sneaks stealthily around

and sees Sunnis. “Aha! Fool!” announces Sunnis, sticking shotguns at

assailant. “Stealth sure ain’t foremost among some snails. Attack!”

All Sunnis’ soldiers attacked forcefully and severely stunned all

adversaries. Several severed appendages fell among Sunnis’ soldiers. Amazingly,

a Shinto shaman appeared floating above several soldiers, attaching

amassed soldier’s shocked attention. Formally, a stunned Sunnis approached

asking, “Shaman, suppose all freakish appendages somehow sprung alive

and systematically started attacking forts? Are Shinto societies adept

at special sacrilegious attacks?” For a second, Sunnis awaited.

As suspenseful seconds accumulate, fire absorbs surrounding structure. Aghast,

a soldier speaks. “Allow for a small soldier’s asinine

analysis. Surveying scenes, as foreboding as such, seems awful

absurd. See? Smoldering afar, fire annihilates structures. Still, all

anxiously stay. Such a fear aforementioned shaman solicits annihilates

all.” Stupidly, Sunnis asks for a sequential survey, allowing

a solitary soldier ample freedom apart. “So, shaman, are

all severed soldiers affixed?” “Fool! A shaman shouldn’t always

adhere such simpleton’s appeals! Forget acquaintances suffering senselessly and

act sensibly!” Sunnis ached forlornly at such strict advice.

“And,” started Sunnis, “after forgetting associates, some solicitations are

annulled!” Sunnis stared at forty appendages. “Shaman, sir? Allow

analysis situationally.” Sunnis appeared frightened as silent shaman approached.

“Alright Sunnis. Some appendages finally are sealed. So, action

accomplished. Suspend silence and finish announcements.” So, Sunnis attempted

another speech. “Soldiers! Already freakish accidents stymied sure advancement.

Any soldiers seen abruptly failing assignments shall successfully acquire

a solid shoe adequately forced at said soldiers’ ass.

Anyway, shadowy sagas are further ahead. Since Shinto’s are

absurdly stupid, stop awaiting future acts. Soldiers, strike at

allotted signal. Seeking awaiting fighters, as shall surely accompany

all strategic strongholds.” A fog amassed. Soldiers silently advanced.

Aircraft surveyed Shinto’s. Abnormally, fortresses appeared suspiciously sparse. Assembled

artillery seemed somehow alone. “Forward!” A stunned Sunnis announced.

As surprising solitude appeared foreboding, a single Shinto assailant

approached. “Sirs, simply allow for a single soldier’s advice:

Along such sanctuary, armies forbidden are slaughtered simply as

a slimy slug. A formidable army surely struggles also.

Advising senseless soldiers against fighting always seems slightly amusing

albeit, stupendously stupid. A forewarning: allow senseless soldiers advancement,

and surely sentence all.” Forgoing advice, Sunnis straightly aims

at Shinto soldier’s ass. “Forget advice! Sundry soldiers, attack!!!!!!!”

Astonished, Shinto’s summon a fiery airborne spirit surrounding all.

“Aw Shit!” screamed a frightened and stupefied Sunnis. Admiringly,

a stupid soldier attempted feeling, as scorching seemed almost

assured. Sunnis surveyed around, forgetting about saving soldiers. Amazingly,

a steady stream atop fiery adversary started. Startled, annoyed,

all Sunni’s soldiers attempted flight. A scared Sunnis angrily…

aimed shouldered shotgun and fired. A scrambling soldier, awestruck,

announced, “Soldiers, stop! Attack forcefully, as Sunnis sheepishly attempts!”

Atop shell shock, all feared a Sunnis snipe and

aggressively, synchronizingly, stormed a fort. And somehow, sadly, although

attempts seemed sanguine, all fought a skirmish slightly apprehensively.

Against struggles, setbacks, and fury, all Sunni’s soldiers anguished.

All stout soldiers appeared flustered as Sunnis’ surrender appeared

a surety. Slowly, a frustrated and scared Sunnis approached.

Addressing soldiers, “Shinto’s apparently fight as supers sumo’s and

are surely spanking all fighters. All surviving soldiers are

adequate; since surviving annihilation. Families and spouses surely are

alright.” Sad, Sunnis arises, finding a sword. Stabbing an

ailing Shinto silent, acting frigidly audacious, Sunnis surprises all

and stabs Sunnis. All feel a sudden serenity and

awe. Sunnis’ sacrifice, albeit foolish, accomplishes Shinto surrender. Although

a silent soldier attempted futile attacks, Shinto soldiers appeared

aptly secure. Suggestions arose for accomplishing surrender. Shinto’s aren’t

accepting surrendering soldiers. All fear a slaughter. So, as

another surge starts, all flee. Again, Shinto shaman appears

as soldiers stumble across fields. Amazed, soldiers stop and

await sentencing. Slowly, arising figures appear, surpassing staggered audience

and sifting slowly among fallen and scared soldiers. Acting

astonished, soldiers shrieked and faked as stiffs. Shaman, apparently

also scared shitless, announced, “Forget attacking!” Soon soldiers, aware

and still stupid, asked forgiveness as shaman started amassing

all surrendering soldiers. A full and sordid slaughter annihilated

about sixty strong, almost fully abolishing Sunnis’ solid army.

As souls soared above, fights all stopped. Sally and

a scarlet Susan appeared. Fearing all, Susan suddenly advanced

And swords struck. A fallen and shocked Susan announced,

“Anarchy seems sensible, although, fortunately, all should sense another…”

As Susan slowly attempted finishing, a sullen Sally attacked.

Apparently, several spirits attached forcefully and Sally, senselessly aggravated

appeared soulless, striking at foes and Susan. Soon, all

around surrounded Sally. About fifty armed Shinto’s struck and

as Sally seemed aggravated, forgetting about Susan, she attempted

aerial suspension. She almost forgot all stunned staring and

appropriately said, “Shit!” A fierce arrow struck Susan and

amused soulless Sally. A foot away, shaman sneak attacks

as Susan’s soul alights. Finding all soldiers sacked, an

awful stench suspends, and fearlessly aggravated Sally shoots an

auspicious soldier’s sideburns. Amazed, fellow awed soldiers start an

applaud surrounding Sally. Arrogantly, flirting and softening, she absentmindedly…

adores Shinto soldiers. A fighter admonishes Sally, “Seductress! All

admirations should start at first at shaman. Since after

all, Shaman sees all. Forget all soldiers, seduce an

authoritative Shaman. Surely, all feel and sense sexuality. After

a sultry Shaman, accosting fumbling army soldiers, seems an

attractively sickening situation. Able females are situationally sent as

appropriate sacrifices.” Stopping a full and stupendous speech, able

army soldiers straighten. A furious and stifled shaman arises

and says, “Soldiers, all fighters are subdued. Sure and

accurate strikes stymied adversaries forever. At seven, she arrives

and she serves ale. For all splurging soldiers, an

ale seemed satisfactory. A festive air seemed satisfying, although

a sad service acknowledging fallen acquaintances shall start around

a sober send-off and fire. All sensed Sunnis around

as slaughter subdued all foreign attackers,” shaman stuttered as

a strange sensation accosted. From a soldiers’ standpoint, alit

against soft sunlight, a figure arose, standing still. All…

attending stood still as feverishly approaching strode Sunnis. An

apparition, Sunnis’ soul addressed fighters all. “Sirs, soldiers, adversaries

anyone still surviving, a frivolous affair should surely arise

all suspicion. Still, as frightful as souls seem, allay

all senseless superstitions. All fear, and some send affirmative

actions, suppressing souls’ anger. Forget all such superstitiousness. Arise,

and shine! Should any fortuitous adversary strike, save another

adolescent.” So, Sunnis appeared foggy and slowly shimmered away.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Harry Potter Title Released

J.K. Rowling has finally released the title of the new Harry Potter book. You can figure it out through a series of clues on her website (not really clues, more like random clicking around on the screen), or I will tell you at the bottom of this post. I don't want to ruin it for those who want to figure it out on their own. This normally isn't something I'd write about, except that I'm now a Harry Potter fan and looking forward to the last book.

Do not read any further if you want to figure this out on your own. Just go to

The title of the new book is......."Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."

What? I don't like it. Sorry, but that just doesn't do it for me. It should have been, "Harry Potter Rules!" or "Harry Potter and the Day He Finally Released a Can of Wizard Whoop-Ass." Oh well. I'm sure the book is still awesome.

A Gay Man Should Not Have This Job

As many of my readers know, I like to listen to books on tape while drving to and from work. Currently, I am listening to The Aeneid by Virgil. It is the story of the fall of Troy and the ancestry of the Romans and blah, blah, blah who cares?

Well, I have recently come to understand something about myself. Whether or not a person annoys me can be directly linked to the sound of their voice (for more info, read this).

Now, one would think (or at least I would think) that if you're going to make a book on tape, you would want a voice that best fits the genre or style of the book. For instance: The Bible would be read by Charlton Heston, Little Women would be read by Angela Lansbury, and If I Did It would be read by a sick bastard.

Unfortunately, Blackstone Audio Books chose Frederick Davidson to read The Aeneid. I know nothing about Frederick Davidson except for the fact that he is fffffffffflaming. The problem here isn't that he is gay, because he may not be. It's that he talks in that dialect which doubles the use of the letter "s" in every word. For example:

Waiter: "Good evening gentlemen. Would you like to try the soup or salad?"
Gay Man: "Yesssss Pleaaassssse! I would love a Sssssuper Sssalad!"

Davidson has also added his own twist to this speech, where he throws a "z" in between a mess of esses. As in, "Whimsszssical."

I normally wouldn't have much of a problem with this, except that he is reading a book that is totally unfit for such language. Imagine Braveheart, with Hugh Grant playing the part of William Wallace. It would totally ruin the effect. That's what this book is like now.

Paypal Identity Theft? Use Spoof at Paypal dot com

I just got an email from "," informing me that I had added a new address ( to my Paypal account. I'm sure if you have a Paypal account, you've probably received a similar message at some point. Of course, I didn't add that address.

I only put this out here because I have a friend who was recently scammed by a similar email. If you ever receive a questionable email from Paypal, all you have to do is forward that email to "spoof at paypal dot com." They will verify whether or not they actually sent the email. You should receive something similar to this:

"Thank you for contacting PayPal about a fraudulent (spoof) email or Web
site. We appreciate you bringing this suspicious email to our attention.

We can confirm that the email you received was not sent by PayPal. Any
website which may be linked to this email is not authorized or used by

Our fraud prevention team is working to disable any website linked to
this email. In the meantime, please do not enter any information into
this website. If you have already done so, you should immediately log
into your PayPal account and change your password, as well as your
security questions and answers. We also recommend that you contact your
bank and credit card company immediately.

Please follow the instructions below to report an unauthorized
transaction associated with your PayPal account: [omitted]"

Just thought I'd throw this out there. Hope it helps.

FYI- If it's from "" it's probably a scam.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Stop Motion Video: Tony vs. Paul

This is an awesome YouTube video using stop motion. Two guys battle it out. If you haven't seen this yet, it's worth the five minutes or so to watch the whole thing. I guess it took them like two months to shoot. Sweet.

Marriott vs. Intercontinental: Indianapolis Skyline at Risk?

I received an email this morning from Christopher, who is a part of On the Cusp (local art blog). He is asking us to bring some attention to an upcoming decision that our trusty Mayor Bart Peterson must make. Indianapolis is backing a mega-hotel that will change the Indianapolis skyline. Mayor Peterson must choose between Marriott:

or Intercontinental Hotels:

To help make this decision, he assembled a seven member "hotel selection committee." Apparently, this committee has recommended the 25 story box: the Marriott.

Now, I am way too ignorant on this subject to have anything slightly resembling an intelligent opinion. However, in the blogosphere, everyone's opinion matters and on this blog, mine matters most. So, assuming the cost is the same for both, the politics involved aren't fraudulent, and millions of other considerations that I'm ignorant about are not relevant, I think this is a poor decision. I'd much rather see the more aesthetically pleasing Intercontinental Hotel in our skyline.

At any rate, you are free to make your own opinion and I will try to give you a few places to learn more about this, if you are interested. I'm not sure what can be done at this point to change Peterson's mind, but we should at least make an effort to be informed about how these kinds of projects are done.

Bloggers Chime In:
On the Cusp: "Let the Brain Drain Continue"
Torpor Indy: "Indianapolis drops the ball"
Four Square No.266: "Update: Constant Change"
Advance Indiana: "Hotel Decision Shocker: It's The Marriott"
On the Cusp: "More Questions Fewer Answers"

IndyStar article: "2 competing plans to build a city-backed mega-hotel carry political overtones"

WISH-TV: One Business Unhappy with Pan Am Plaza Hotel Proposal

Voice your opinion and see what other Indianapolis residents are saying:
IndyStar message board

Contact the Mayor to give him a piece of your mind, or a humble suggestion:
I'm Mayor Peterson and I screwed up.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

YouTube Fun: Beatboxing

Well, Dust and Scruff put up a YouTube video yesterday and it is hilarious. It might not be funny if you don't know these guys, actually, yes it will be. First you've got to see the videos that inspired their video. Most of you have already seen this, but it's awesome and worth seeing again.

In this first video, Lasse plays the drums and piano without having any experience in either instrument. He uses video editing to create the music. Check it out:

Then he does the same type of thing, but starts beatboxing. Check it out:

Now we come to Dust and Scruff, who have been inspired to make their own video. I only wish I could have been there to join in the fun. Check it out:

Learn about beatboxing here.

And "how to" here.

Monday, December 18, 2006

December Weekend: Company Christmas Pary, Shopping, Fun Christmas Party, Ping-Pong, Babysitting

This post is a recap of my last weekend. It will be extremely boring for anyone except me, when I read back on this five years from now. A very succinct version of the following post can be read within its title. There is no need for you to waste any more of your time reading this. But for those of you who do...

Friday night was my company Christmas party. It was the first "corporate" party that I've ever been to, and it was exactly how I imagined it would be. We started the night with everyone standing in line for the open bar, trying to get in as many drinks as possible before the bar closed. Then we all fawned over our top sales executives as they accepted yet another plaque. Dinner was actually delicious, and a good carrot cake always puts me in a good mood. Then we listed to the CEO congratulate the company on another good year and heard about all the growth we're having. This was followed by live music and the chaotic flailing of arms and legs, as white collar America tries to "get down." Then came the awesome door prizes that I am destined never to win. And that Christmas bonus that I was told would come to those who showed up to the party? Let's just say after spending six dollars in gas money to get there and back, five dollars for a 50/50 raffle that I lost, and three dollars in bar tending tips, I came out of the night about negative fourteen dollars.

Saturday was mostly spent buying Christmas presents. I was reminded why I hate shopping so much. It was hectic, busy and stressful. The good news is that we have all of our shopping done now. That really is a relief. I'm also very thankful to have a wife who helps with the shopping. And by "helps" I mean, does everything while I complain about how much I hate crowds.

Bed Bath and Beyond is a freaking nightmare. I am not at all claustrophobic, but that place just made me feel noxious. All those smells mixing together created some sort of cinnamon-sweet pea concoction that made everything seem edible. Add to that the feeling of being cramped in there like cattle, pushing our way to the check out counter like Play-Doh through the Fun Factory, and you'll have some idea of why that place made me feel insane. I'll leave it at that.

Saturday night we had an awesome dinner at Luke's. Everyone pitched in sides and Luke & Janna did the rest. My favorites were the home made limoncello and smoking the hookah. It was great to get together with everyone and I'm really grateful that Luke and Janna opened up the home for us. Missed not having Rab there though.

Sunday was much more relaxing. After church I got to try out some Dog Whispering techniques on the in-laws' dog. It actually worked and I was feeling pretty proud of myself. That's a post for another day though. Then Phil and Brian came over for a few games of speed pong. That's always a good time. Then Phil took me to see the rundown house that the church is going to tear down. It was disgusting. I cannot believe that people live in that kind of filth and stench. I honestly don't know how to describe it. There was junk everywhere on the floor, walls and ceiling falling apart, windows broken and covered with plastic, food everywhere, the list just goes on and on. It was incredible. I can't imagine how someone gets to the point where they can live like that.

Then we got to babysit our nephew Sunday night. He slept the whole time, which was awesome. We watched The Pledge, which had the worst ending of any movie I've seen in a long time. Don't watch it. I'm tempted to ruin the ending for you right now, just so you won't waste your time with it. As a matter of fact, I think I will. Jack Nicholson knows the real killer is still out there, but on the fateful day when he is going to finally catch him, the killer is randomly killed in a car accident. So Nicholson is left to wonder if he was wrong after all and ends up insane. Terrible.

So now I'm back at work for another week. Tough game tonight for the Colts. I really hope they win. It's funny how when the Colts are winning, all of the "fans" say, "Well, the regular season doesn't even matter, they'll still get beat in the playoffs." But when the Colts are losing they say, "See, I told you they suck. Their defense is terrible and they just got lucky when they won those games." What happened to the regular season doesn't matter? Anyways, I still love watching the Colts and am thankful to have a competitive team to root for. I'm old enough to remember when watching a Colts game was a huge waste of time on a Sunday afternoon.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Friday Fun Time

It's Friday and I don't feel like writing, so it's time to play a few games. My friends are always more than willing to introduce good time wasters, so I'll pass them on to you. Have fun!

1) Line Rider: If you haven't played this game yet, you really don't know what you're missing. This link takes you to the newest version of the game. The purpose is to draw lines on a page, then watch as a little man rides his sled on your lines. I have to warn you that it's quite addictive. Be sure to check out all the videos of people who have made awesome Line Riders. Below is one of my favorites.

2) 1980's Nintendo Games: Thanks to Scruff for this one. This site has tons of 80's video games that you can play online for free. Luckily I haven't had time to waste here yet, but I'm sure I will. Some favorites you'll find here: Mike Tyson's Punch Out, Contra, Double Dribble, Castlevania.

3) Escapa!: I remember this from years ago. It's the one where you control a red square and try to keep it from touching the walls as blue rectangles come flying at you. Pointless? Yes. Fun? Definitely.

4) Double Wires: Thanks to Brian for this one. This one is too hard for me, but it looks fun if you can figure it out. You play a little man who has wires attached to his hands. The goal is to fling these on to lines above you to keep from falling down. Dangit, I can't explain, just try it out.

5) Boneless Bubble Girl: This isn't really a game at all. I remember getting it some time last year. All you do is watch a girl with no bones fall into a bunch of bubbles. It's quite mesmerizing.

6) Snake Game: This one is a classic. I used to play it all the time. It's the one where you're a snake and you go around eating apples or something. You can't touch the walls or your own tail. Good times!

7) Falling Sands: Draw lines to alter the direction of the falling sands. It's pretty cool, I guess.

8) Binball: I'm sure most of you have played this before. If not online, then definitely in real life. This takes the game of throwing a ball into a trashbin and puts it online. They use a soccer ball though. I remember playing one with a wad of paper a long time ago, but I can't find it now.

9) Mr. Picassohead: Now you can paint like Picasso. I only had time to do a quick one, but if you check out the gallery, there's some cool stuff out there. Try it out for yourself. Here's mine. I call it, "The Fall:"

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Girl Scout Cookies

I love Girl Scout Cookies. I think tagalongs are my favorite, but they're all quite delicious. Today at work, someone came around selling Girl Scout Cookies to all of the employees. This is nothing new, and I'm not complaining. But...

Whatever happened to the days when the kids actually sold this stuff? I can remember having to go door to door in my neighborhood with a box of chocolate bars, trying to convince people that it was worth two dollars for some chocolate and fifty cents off of your next car wash. We competed with other kids in the school and whoever sold the most (usually around like $300) won a pizza party for their class and like 100 points in the summer reading program at the local library. Those were the good ol' days.

Now the parents do all the peddling and the kids win a Playstation or a trip to Disneyworld. I can't remember the last time a kid tried to sell me something. Now it's just some parent saying, "My daughter is in such and such club and she's selling overpriced Christmas gifts. Actually, I'm selling them for her, but I'll be real proud of her if she wins. Please buy something?"

So once again we're teaching our children that everything will be done for them. If they're lucky enough, they can get pregnant at an early age, collect welfare and maybe some child support and never have to lift a finger.

I say we should go back to teaching our kids how to be door to door salesmen and women. Then they can grow up to work hard doing something they don't particularly enjoy. Just like me.

At least they're still selling those delicious Girl Scout Cookies.

Star Trek Inspirational Posters

You've probably already come across these, but I thought they were hilarious and wanted to share (in case you haven't.) These are Star Trek Inspirational Posters, based off the Successories, or whatever they're called. Here are two of my favorites. Be sure to check them all out here.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Winter in Southwest Indianapolis

I heard the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" today, and it got me thinking. My first thought was that it is most definitely not the most wonderful time of the year. I had to scrape ice off my car this morning. I'm freezing in my office. Traffic keeps getting worse. Utility bills are going way up. I have two black winter coats that keep me warm, but only one pair of really comfortable brown shoes. I've also been informed that the brown shoes don't go with the black coats. So this is not a wonderful time of the year, and definitely not the most wonderful time of the year.

However, while strolling through my neighborhood, I discovered a few things that do make this time of year better than the rest. So although it may not be the most wonderful time of the year, here are a few reasons that it is a good time of the year. At least for those of you who live in my neighborhood:

1) All of those Christmas lights that you've left up on your house year round are finally back in season. Cheers to you!

2) That lawn that you've neglected to mow and those leaves that you've decided not to rake have finally been blanketed in a nice clean covering of snow.

3) The drug dealers who drive our local ice cream trucks have found other means of delivering their merchandise. This means we don't have to listen to the annoying jingles for at least another four months. "Hello!..."

4) Soon it will be cold enough to kill off half of the stray dog and cat population. This will mean less excrement on our sidewalks, less babies being mauled, and less of that all too familiar smell of cat urine on my doorstep.

5) All of the drunks living in the neighborhood who have lost their driver's license will finally feel the pain of having to drive their scooters through the snow. That'll teach 'em! Actually, no it won't.

6) It's getting darker earlier, so that means people are spending more time inside. This is good because I don't have to hear all the domestic violence that takes place. Only some of it.

7) The layers of fat on your body that has accumulated through months of time wasted in front of a television finally serves the purpose of keeping you warm.

Well, I'm outta time now. There are many more benefits, I'm sure. But these are the big ones for me. The most wonderful time of the year? Maybe not, but it's still a good time to be in West Indy.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Indianapolis Public Schools: Worst School System Ever.

There are many reasons why the IPS system just flat sucks. It would take someone much more knowledgable than I to explain everything that is wrong and why it has come to be such a disgrace. So I'm going to limit myself to my own personal experiences. I could write novels about those experiences, so I'll limit myself to my experience as a substitute teacher for IPS. I could write volumes on that as well, so I'll limit myself to the first few days I had as a substitute. (To read about my first day in the classroom, be sure to visit the link at the bottom of this post. It was an amazing day.)

The reason I'm writing this post is because I read in today's paper (through that Marion County schools, and IPS in particular, are seriously lacking substitute teachers. According to the article (click here for full story), during the months of October and November, IPS left more than 1,994 classrooms without a teacher. As Superintendent Eugene White is quoted as saying, this is a "legitimate concern." I think that's a bit of an understatement, but what do I know?

It's going to take more than money and something closer to a miracle to fix this problem for IPS. Much needs to change before they will be able to find adequate substitute teachers. Let me share with you what happened when I was asked to be a substitute.

First of all, the application process was a breeze. I forget what the qualifications were, but they were easily met. My "training," if it could even be called that, lasted about half a day, where I filled out application sheets and tax papers. Nobody said what I was to expect, there was no training as far as classroom management or anything like that. I don't know what else to say, we never discussed actually teaching the kids. I'm sure they did a background check and it seems like as long as you don't have a record as a child molester, you can be an IPS substitute teacher.

Now after you've been hired, they use an automated system to let you know when an opening is available. It will call you to inform you of openings, or you can call in to see what is available. The system will go through every opening in IPS, listing the teacher's name, what they teach and what school. This allows the substitute to pick and choose which classes they want to cover. I never did any high school subbing, because I remember how we treated our subs when I was a high schooler at IPS.

After a while, you learn which schools are not worth your time, or which classes, and you can pretty much just wait till the easy ones open up and pick those. This means that the troublesome schools and classes are the ones most lacking substitutes (assuming every substitute did what I did).

Here's the scary part. When I went to my first substitute job, I had no training, no experience, no idea what to expect. When I showed up at the front door, I was obviously lost. The front office asked who I was subbing for and told me where the room was. When I got there, there was a sad excuse of a lesson plan from the teacher and that's it. Nobody came to tell me anything else. The bell rang, the kids showed up, and I was there to pretty much babysit the entire time.

It didn't take the kids long to realize that I had no clue what I was doing. One kid came up to me and said, "I need to go to the nurse to take my pills." (Kids on pills is another topic for another day. Also very sad.) Well, I had no idea if this kid was lying or not, but I sure didn't want him to miss his pills, so I let him go to the nurse. Soon, I was letting about half the class leave for one reason or another. Nobody ever said anything about not doing this. And nobody noticed in this particular situation that I let half the class leave.

I think one teacher may have stopped in to introduce herself and say she was there if I needed help. Nobody came during the day to see how I was doing. The lesson plan that was supposed to take all day took all of two hours. I had no idea what these kids were allowed to do on a normal day.

Needless to say, I was shocked at how unorganized the whole thing was. I felt like a lamb sent to fend for himself in a pack of wolves. Some classes were incredibly disrespectful and unruly. You would be amazed. Some were very well behaved. In the end, it comes down to how good your principal is, how good the teacher is, and how much the parents are involved. In IPS, I find the marjority of the parents are not involved at all.

That is where things have to start if anything is ever going to change for IPS. Until the parents start caring, nobody else is going to.

--For an in-depth look at my first day on the job, click here: "It's Yo Balls!"

Monday, December 11, 2006

Weekend Update- Haiku Style

Rather than talking about everything I did this weekend, I've decided to condense the entire weekend into three haikus. It looks like I've got a busy work week ahead and it takes a lot less time to do it this way. So, sorry for the poetry. I'm not even sure if I'm doing these right. Oh well...

Friday night, Men's Group.
Monopoly- I was robbed.
Up till three? Damn me!

warmer weather elation,
Steve's ordination.

Again, the Colts lose.
Dad-in-law turns forty-nine.
Weekend ends again.

A Confederacy of Dunces

I finally finished John Kennedy Toole's A Confederacy of Dunces. It's a hilarious book and I recommend it to anyone who enjoys reading. It wasn't published until 1980, after Toole's suicide in 1969. It won the Pulitzer in 1981. There are tons of hilarious excerpts that I would love to put in here, but I can't find any online and don't want to fish back through the book. So I'll just give you the quote that is the book's epigraph:

"When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." - Jonathon Swift

So if you feel that you are constantly surrounded by a bunch of morons, it could mean that you are a genius. Or one of my co-workers.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Geico Cavemen Commercials

I hadn't seen this one yet. This is probably my favorite advertising campaign out right now.

MySpam #7: "That so barberry"

This may be one of my favorite pieces of spam yet. The subject line read, "That so barberry" and it was from "Tracey Jacobson." The email started with this little saying:

"To each his own. And drinking largely sobers us again."

This was quite profound for spam, so I read on. It proceeded to tell me about some stock that is about to "reach new highs." But then at the very bottom of the email was a jumbled mess of catchy aphorisms. I enjoyed them so much, I thought I would share them with you. The following was taken word for word from my email. I made the line breaks to make it easier to read, it was in one solid paragraph. Enjoy (the last one is the best):

"The early bird gets the worm. Possible Interpretation: You can't get away with a lie, it will always reveal the truth someday.
If you can't be good, be careful.
Why pay for the cow when the milk is free?
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
Hindsight is 20/20.
Even a dog can distinguish between being stumbled over and being kicked.
Make hay while the sun shines. Possible Interpretation: Do not take on more responsibility than you can handle at any one time.
Followup: And we all know what May flowers bring...Pilgrims.
Have not want not. said by Lee Field Walstad
Too many cooks spoil the broth.
Christian New Testament Talk is cheap. Definition: A situation almost impossible to complete
Up a creek without a paddle.
Where there's a will there's a way.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will break my spirit.
Paddle your own ... Possible Interpretation: Do not take on more responsibility than you can handle at any one time.
This could also be read as, A friend in need is a friend in debt.
A lie can be halfway around the world before the truth gets its boots on.
Blood will out.
Alternate Version: the ironic thing about life is that you never get out alive.
When in Rome do as the Romans do. (or more, commonly, just When in Rome...)
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Home is where you hang your hat.
Money is honey and the richman jocks is always funny
The start of a journey should never be mistaken for success.
Red sky at night: shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning: shepherd's warning. Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral
Time flies. Latin: Tempus fugit!
Life's a bitch and then you die
Not worth ! you wont get. Make yourself worthy. (Manu MR)
Little by little and bit by bit.
It's the empty can that makes the most noise. Possible Interpretation: A rhyme to remember how to avoid a hangover.
Treat them mean, keep them keen.
Hey is for horses.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
You cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear.
Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
No news is good news.
A coward dies a thousand times before his death. The valiant never taste of death but once.
No money, no justice. At least in Louisianiraq.
There is no 'I' in TEAM
He who laughs, lasts.
Nature, time, and patience are three great physicians.
When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras.
Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive
Meaner than a junk-yard dog."

List of MySpam

Quote of the Day

From Indiana Pacers Head Coach Rick Carlisle (on his team's struggle with turnovers):

"Sometimes we're trying to throw the ball through a defender's nose and have it come out his rear end and go to a teammate..."

Thursday, December 07, 2006

The Lost Seinfeld Episode

If you haven't seen this yet, I'm sure you will find it floating around everywhere soon. My dad sent this to me. It's wrong, agreed, but incredibly funny. This is a recut of Kramer clips explaining his latest "episode." Just watch it. Kramer at his best.

Baby Boy Enters World: My First Nephew

Well, yesterday around 8:00 PM, my first nephew was born. His name is Isais Imposey (or maybe Isaiahs, Isaias, Izais, Izaias, Izaiahs, not sure yet. Seems to lack consonants, but oh well. And I'm not sure how Imposey is spelled either, but I'll find out). He was 8.5 lbs and four of those pounds were in his feet.

There were a few interesting things about the pregnancy and the hospital that I thought I would share.

1) It amazes me how anyone can just walk into a hospital and go anywhere they want to. We were looking for the nursery and spent about ten minutes going wherever we pleased. Nobody questioned us or anything. I used to think how impossible it would be for Harrison Ford to go into that hospital in The Fugitive and steal all that stuff. But really, it is that easy. You just have to look like you already know where you're going.

2) Waiting areas in hospitals should be more like waiting areas at the dentist. They should play soft music, have plenty of books and magazines, a deck of cards, chess/checker board, and that little brain teaser game where you have a triangle with little golf tees in them and you try to jump the tees until there is only one left.

3) After a mother gives birth, her stomach does not immediately drop to its original size. I actually already knew this one, but seeing it always freaks me out. It seems like if that huge baby left the stomach, it should just turn into a big flab of skin. But it doesn't. I also wonder if it leaves a big air pocket and what happens to that air?

4) There's something amazing about seeing a human that is only hours old. That little guy heard my voice within the first hours of its life. Now that's crazy. And it's amazing that it comes out so well prepared. What with skin and all. They seem so fragile.

5) The nurse has to prick the baby's skin and draw blood. This was pretty cool. The nurse had this little plastic thingy that looked almost like an enlarged guitar pick. She held it in between her fingers and then pricked the baby's foot by pushing a little button at the end of it. Think of a tiny exacto knife where you just push a button and it shoots in and out really quick. Anyways, I thought that was cool and didn't know they did that.

6) The little guy stopped crying when he heard my voice. I'm sure this was a freak coincidence and it actually got to the point where I would wait till he was about to stop crying, then try to time it so that when I talked it looked like he stopped crying because of my voice. But I like to think it was me. And that makes me like him more.

7) Of all the times to have a bunch of people come to visit and be loud, the birth of a newborn seems like the worst time for this to happen. Yet it does. I can't imagine being in labor for how ever many hours, giving birth, then having all of your family and friends right there to congratulate you and take your baby from you. There should be a law that gives parents like 12 hours alone before any visitors are allowed in the room. I'm sure I'll be annoyed when it happens to me.

8) Newborns have crazy long fingernails. At least relatively speaking.

9) How in God's name does something so large come out of something so small?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

When Common Courtesies Go Too Far: "Farts on a Plane"

My wife actually sent me the link to this story. This is one of those rare examples of taking common courtesies too far. Actually, I'm having a hard time thinking of other times when it is inappropriate to do something courteous. I remember a lady once got upset with me for opening the door for her. She assumed I was some type of misogynist pig. But I open doors for men too. Anyways, that's a bad example. Feel free to come up with your own.

Everyone appreciates someone who is willing to light a match after using the restroom, or passing gas (my wife demands it of me). But here is a situation where not only is it not necessary, it could very well be a Federal offense. I'll just let you read it for yourself. I feel sorry for whoever had to write a serious story about this event.

Flatulence on plane sparks emergency landing

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

My Content Has Been Stolen? Wait...

I'm always very interested in what brings people to this site, who is linking to me and why, and that kind of stuff. I'm sure anyone who has a blog can relate. So I was checking out who links to me, and I came across some curious sites. There were three in particular that caught my attention.

The first one I found is a website about Beauty Tips. This should not surprise you as I am the authority on beauty. If you need any beauty tips, just ask.

What is surprising is this: if you'll check that link above, you can see a column on the right side of the page entitled, "Recent Skin Care Blogs." In that column is this link: Thanksgiving Weekend 2006. That is a post that I wrote about my Thanksgiving Weekend. Unfortunately, it provides no tips on beauty, or skin care. This link is also next to a post entitled, "Skin Care - Acne And The Changes In Girls During Puberty." I can assure you that I know nothing about this topic. So why have they linked to me?

Well, I really don't know, but I have a guess. That particular post generated a lot of hits for me. At least more than normal. It also mentions the word "skin," one time. As in, "we fought over the crispy skin as usual." So maybe this site did a random search for "crispy skin" or something, and found my blog. Then they linked to me, thinking it might boost their blog cred or something. I really have no idea.

Okay, so the next blog is entitled, Pluto Planet or Something... They actually copied part of the text from one of my posts. Ironically, it was part that I copied from IndyStar. But this site seems to just search for "planet Pluto," then copy whatever they find into their website. They link back to the original blogpost, so it seems legal under copyright stuff (Creative Commons). I really don't care.

So why did they choose me? It looks like they just find a hot topic (Pluto is no longer a planet), then find any blog that recently posted anything about Pluto, and then they copy that into their site. Then they try to generate tons of money from AdWare and Google AdSense. That way anyone looking for Pluto stuff will invariably find their site and probably click on a few ads. It does serve the purpose of showing you everyone who posted about Pluto, but unfortunately, most of these posts have nothing to do with Pluto (other than mentioning it). I also tried doing a Google search for "Pluto planet" and never found their site. So maybe it's not working.

The last site I found is actually two sites. They both "stole" the same post. It's funny because of which post they found. Here's a link to both sites: Boxing Fitness and Vision Fitness. (I've also found that they have a Fitness Bike Blog as well)

To my great joy and amusement, they chose to link to Proud of My Manhood. Probably the worst possible post of mine that a legitimate site could link to. That post has nothing to do with boxing or vision, as far as I can tell.

This site actually copies five full paragraphs of my post. They give it an awesome introduction (on the Vision blog):

"Today i was thinking alot about different things which surronds me. I though about good and bad and how they can cooperate in this world. i don't think it's very interesting but this problem get over me last days. Surfing the web i found some interesting material which has interest for me."

And then at the end, they say, "Awesome article. Thanks" I went to the About page for these blogs and found this:


Welcome to Vision fitness blog. This site contains digest of most intresting blog articles about Vision fitness. Fell free to leave any comments about this site. Help us to improve this service.

All contents are taken from publically available places. Link to original article is always provided to maintain copyright rules."

Each one is exactly the same (with "feel" misspelled every time), except for being a "Boxing Fitness" or "Fitness Bike."

I honestly have no idea why they've taken my content and put it on their site. They do link back to me, which as they explain, maintains copyright rules. So again, I have no problem with it. I just can't figure it out. It must be for the money they would make from advertising, but it seems like they could find content that actually fits their purpose. I can't imagine it would be that much more work. Anyways, this was all very interesting and humorous to me, so I thought I would share. Please let me know if I should be at all concerned here.

Infrared Fart?

Infrared Fart - You have to see it to believe it!

This is pretty hilarious. It's an infrared video of someone farting. I'm sure it's fake, but it's still funny to watch. Sorry for the potty humor.

You may have noticed that if you put your cursor over the links on my homepage that you will see a mini preview of where that link will take you. I'm trying out this feature from to see if I like it.

So far, I think it's pretty cool. Let me know what you think, especially if it annoys you.

If you haven't heard of, they are a new type of search engine. I haven't spent too much time yet checking it out, but it's supposed to get smarter as more people use it. Here is an article on it, if you want to learn more.

Monday, December 04, 2006

The Captain Was Here

Something special happened to a group of twenty-something males while they were out celebrating a bachelor's "last night." You could say it was an encounter with "the others;" those rare moments where we catch a glimpse of the supernatural. Many remain skeptical of such occurences, assuring themselves that these events only happen to imbred yokels who don't know the difference between a crop circle and a hole in the ground.

I myself was not much of a believer. I mean, I'd heard of people seeing ghosts and stuff like that, but I always figured there was some practical explanation for it. I've also seen visages of saints and the Virgin Mary appear on random objects. For instance, this grilled cheese sandwich sold for $28,000 on Ebay. I thought that looked pretty crazy, until I learned how easy it is to make toast with pictures in it.

Well, now I'm a true believer. Friday night, we were all enjoying a few drinks at a local club in Broad Ripple. A friend bought a beer and somebody happened to bump into him, spilling some of his ale onto his shirt. I know, this is a common occurence, which happens about five times on an average night. But there was nothing common about this spill.

As the beverage soaked into his shirt, a shape began to take form. We were amazed to see the exact likeness of none other than Captain Morgan. I really cannot explain how amazing it was. So since a picture is worth a thousand words, I give you, what has been rightfully dubbed, "The Revelation of Morgan:"

Finally, a Movie About Ping-Pong!

It's about time. I will see this movie, just for the ping-pong clips. Looks decently funny. Check it out here.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Weekend Update

It's Friday and I don't feel like working. I've decided to give you some fun things to check out for the weekend. We've got a bachelor party tonight, so that should be fun. Colts should have a tough game on Sunday. Christmas tree shopping tomorrow. Should be another good weekend.

Click for Cans: Campbell's is giving away soup for the needy. Please go here and vote for Indianapolis! We're currently winning in the "Most Improved" category, but it's a tight race with Cincinnati. If you're thinking of voting for a team other than Indy, click here and let me persuade you to change your vote.

W.B.'s: A couple friends add their love to cyber space. First, "C.M." has begun blogging, although not very regularly, at Weary Wednesdays. Also, Joel got engaged and started a site to document their love. True to his geeky roots. You can get more than you ever needed to know about he and his fiance at this site.

Chris Rock is a Prophet: Thanks to Mike for providing this link to a video that shows how Chris Rock predicted the O.J. Simpson tell-all book. That link will take you to his site which will take you to the video. Amazing.

Rab Photos: Rab put up a few pictures of the old school Naptown BBS.

Ben Folds Fake: New Mission at Improv Everywhere. They get invited to do some gags with Ben Folds.

Richard Simmons Exploding Steamer: YouTube video. Pretty dang funny. Simmons on the Letterman show with his own steamer. This site analyzes your personality based on what you draw. The questions they ask about your drawing when you're done are fairly limiting, but it's still interesting. They had me pegged. Here's my drawing:

Phone Spelling: Find out what your phone number can spell. I'm afraid to put what mine spelled, in case people want to be funny and try to prank me, but it was really funny. Now when people ask me what my phone number is, I can just have them memorize a simple and creative phrase. I've always thought anagrams are amazing. This site is the best one I've found. Anagrams are words or phrases that are formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. Like "dormitory" becomes "dirty room." Life in the Shadows = "faithless wind hoe" "faithless who dine" "fiendish owl hates" and "finished low he sat," among other things.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

ABC's and XYZ.

I can't remember the day I first learned my ABC's. I'm sure it was through that wonderful little tune that was stolen from "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." Actually, I don't know which one came first. Kind of like rap songs (and others) these days. They steal from old good stuff and soon people don't even realize that they didn't invent it in the first place. As if Vanilla Ice could really come up with that bass line.

Anyways, I do remember the first time I learned about the XYZ's. I was in second grade and some random girl came up to me and said, "XYZ!" She then ran off to a group of other girls and they all started laughing. After a while I saw that they were pointing at my crotch. "XYZ?" I thought to myself. "eXamine Your Zipper!" Someone yelled. Sure enough, there was a gaping hole in my jean shorts, revealing the Scooby Doo undies hidden underneath. It was embarrassing enough that I can still remember the moment to this day.

Unfortunately, to my great surprise, it was not mortifying enough to leave a lasting impression. This morning, after having gone through a meeting, playing three games of ping pong, and having numerous conversations, I looked down into my lap and realized that I had indeed forgotten to "XYZ." Or "XMZ" as the case would be. I have no idea if anyone else noticed, because luckily enough, most of my co-workers have maturity beyond that of a second grader.

I however, do not. That is why you are reading about it here. The question of the day is, would you tell someone to "XYZ" if you noticed? It's one thing to point out food in someone's teeth, this is something totally different.

Mr. Silent Strikes Again

Back in June, I did a post about a guy who decided he wanted to be a super hero. He calls himself Mr. Silent, and he is a defender of the helpless in Indianapolis. I really don't have a whole lot more to say about him, but thanks to Phil I've discovered that he has a MySpace Page. That's pretty sweet. Below is an interview that Mr. Silent had with Fox News. It is my goal to meet Mr. Silent on the streets of Indianapolis. I'm a big fan now. Here is the original post I did. It explains what super hero I would be.

Ice Ice Baby!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Kravitz vs. Colts: Marvin Harrison is "Selfish and Small?"

Something fishy is going on between Indystar sports columnist Bob Kravitz and the Indianapolis Colts (specifically, Tony Dungy and Bill Polian). In Monday's column, Kravitz was a bit harsh with Colts wide receiver Marvin Harrison. Apparently, Marvin walked off into the locker room before halftime, while Vinatieri was setting up for a field goal.

I missed this during the game, but people who went to the game probably noticed. At any rate, Kravitz criticized Harrison for this "disappearing act," saying that it was "as embarrassing as it was out of character." He goes on to complain about Harrison not attempting to tackle Philadelphia's Lito Sheppard after an interception. These acts are described by Kravitz as Harrison's "hissy fit."

You can read that article here

Well today, Kravitz has written an equally "embarrassing and out of character" column for IndyStar. He appears quite offended that the Colts are actually defending Harrison and attempting to explain what really happened. Imagine someone involved with today's media accusing others of putting a story through the "spin cycle." Kravitz doesn't reference it, but a few of Polian's quotes can be read here. He defends Harrison's actions.

If you read between the lines of Kravitz's column today, you can see that he pushed the wrong buttons on Monday. I'm guessing they (someone associated with the Colts) complained to Kravitz for being so harsh on Harrison. Then Kravitz felt the need to defend himself through his column, by showing everyone why he is right and the Colts are lying. He is accusing them of creating "revisionist history and spin." Amazing.

I'm not saying he's wrong, I just think he's being a bit ridiculous. After admitting that anyone can have a "lousy day at the office," he goes on to say that Harrison "reduced himself to the lowest common denominator." That's absurd. Yeah, Harrison shouldn't have done it. But to say that is just ridiculous. That's like if Mother Teresa had a rough day and cursed at an orphan who had stolen food. Then Kravitz would say, "See! She's no saint." Okay, that was a horrible example, but it gets my point across.

At the end of the article, Kravitz encourages us to refuse to "buy what Dungy and Polian are selling." Unless we "don't mind them tinkling in your boot and telling you it's raining." That is funny.

But I expect no less from Dungy and Polian. They've probably already worked out whatever issues needed to be handled. Who cares? So Harrison walked out before halftime and complained about a call instead of catching a defender and injuring himself for the season. Let the coach handle that situation. Don't write a sophomoric article saying a man has "reduced himself to the lowest common denominator."

I don't know about you, but it sure looks like rain to me.

Anyways, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we hear more about this in the future. Please let me know if you hear anything, I'm interested to see how it pans out. I'm including the full text of today's column in case you're interested. Here's a link for it at IndyStar, or just read on:

"November 29, 2006

Bob Kravitz
Colts try spin cycle in Harrison story

A couple of minutes after Sunday night's Indianapolis Colts victory, I approached coach Tony Dungy as he made his way from the interview room to the locker room.

I asked him if anything was going on with Marvin Harrison, who seemed upset throughout the game, and I specifically noted that the player left the field before halftime.

Dungy said he didn't notice that Harrison had exited stage right. On Monday afternoon, though, Dungy was saying that he gave Harrison permission to leave early to receive additional stretching during halftime.

And Monday night, Colts president Bill Polian said on his radio show, "I just confirmed this with Tony less than 10 minutes ago (before the 6 p.m. show). Marvin went into the locker room with Tony's knowledge because he was tightening up. Now if you're 188 pounds and you're blocking for sweeps against safeties like (Brian) Dawkins and Lito Sheppard, you might tighten up. And he did, and he spent the entire halftime being stretched out by trainers in the training room.
"That's why he went in early. Not because he was Randy Moss. Not because he walked off the field because he didn't catch a pass. Because he needed to get stretched.''

So, which is it:
Dungy knew, or he didn't know?

Think about this: If Dungy had responded to my postgame question by saying, "Yeah, he was tightening up and we wanted to get him into the locker room to get stretched,'' don't you figure the column would have read differently?

I would have gone one of two ways. Either written:
"Despite what looked like a premature LeBron James-style walkoff before halftime, Harrison, in fact, left with Dungy's blessing in order to get treatment for muscle tightness.''

Or I would have written nothing.

Maybe stuck a paragraph into the Dopey Report Card about how Harrison didn't make much of an effort on the interception.

Except Dungy didn't say that. He said nothing about Harrison's early exit. Mostly, he shrugged and looked at me like I was from the Planet Formerly Known as Pluto.
Polian needs to understand this: While he believes all of this is a concoction brewed by what he calls the "chattering classes,'' the fact is, fans who were at the game and those who watched on TV were yapping about Harrison's demeanor long before a word appeared in The Star.

The message boards were buzzing with talk of Harrison's body language. As I drove home from the RCA Dome, the postgame show was filled with callers wondering what was up with Harrison, well before a single word of mine or anybody else's appeared in the next day's paper.

Even if we're to accept the team's explanation that he wanted to get a four-second head start in the training room, the truth is, Harrison appeared to many of us -- and not just the pundits and football Oprahs -- that he was in serial mope mode all night.

Did he block well?
Yeah, he blocked well.

As Polian noted, Harrison graded out with an A-plus for his blocking on the coaches' Not Quite As Dopey Report Cards.

"So, Marvin was not disinterested, he was not uninvolved, he wasn't pouting, he wasn't in a snit, he was blocking his tail off,'' Polian said.
That wasn't the argument.

Nobody claimed he was dogging it -- except, well, on the interception, where he stood and argued for pass interference rather than pursue the defensive back.
The claim here -- and elsewhere -- is he was pitching a very subtle fit.
And what we're getting now from Dungy and Polian is revisionist history and spin because in Colts World, a player can do no wrong, unless his name is Mike Vanderjagt.

Look, there's nothing wrong with ego. I had one installed a couple of years ago in a relatively painless procedure. Athletes who are great at anything generally have oversized egos to match. I remember that when Edgerrin James didn't get his carries, nobody moped more. I don't know if the wide receiver position draws certain types of personalities, or produces divas, but all around the league, the game is populated by high-profile soloists who demand pampering and special attention.

That's what made Harrison's performance just a little bit shocking. Sure, he cares about numbers, a whole lot more than he'll let on, and he's one of the moodiest and most inscrutable athletes of all time. But for the better part of a majestic Hall of Fame career here, he has represented everything that's supposed to be good about the NFL.

I can readily accept that a player, or a coach, or a columnist, is going to have his lousy days at the office. That's not the issue here. The issue is, a great player with a mostly spotless reputation reduced himself to the lowest common denominator.
You want to buy what Dungy and Polian are selling?

Hey, if you don't mind having your intelligence insulted, if you don't mind them tinkling in your boot and telling you it's raining, well, then, that's your problem.

Bob Kravitz is a columnist for The Indianapolis Star."

IndyStar comments from this article

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Vanderjagt Gets the Boot

The most accurate idiot kicker in the history of the NFL has been released from his duties. Here is an article from

"Cowboys release Vanderjagt, sign Gramatica

IRVING, Texas (Nov. 27, 2006) -- The Dallas Cowboys released Mike Vanderjagt, apparently tired of his inability to live up to his reputation as the most accurate kicker in league history. Martin Gramatica was signed as his replacement.

The Cowboys gave Vanderjagt a three-year contract to shore up a position coach Bill Parcells felt cost the team three victories last season.

However, he was injured and inconsistent in training camp, plus reluctant to handle kickoffs. Parcells never seemed to warm to him and he was only 13-for-18 on field goals, the lowest success rate (72 percent) of his career.

Dallas (7-4) will play at the New York Giants (6-5) on Dec. 3. Winners of three straight, the Cowboys are first in the NFC East.

The Cowboys did not release any details about the move, and players were off. Parcells will next speak to reporters Nov. 28.

The Associated Press News Service"

For some strange reason, I was glad to hear this. As if his being fired justified the move the Colts made. Then I thought how messed up it is that I would be glad to hear about a man losing his job. Oh well.

Shane's Thoughts

Brian's Thoughts

Monday, November 27, 2006

Thanksgiving Weekend 2006

Wow. What a weekend. Few things are more difficult than going back to work after an awesome extended vacation. The only reason I feel so miserable at work is because I had such an amazing four day weekend. I doubt any of you really care much about what I did, but when I read this again in ten years, I want to remember what a great time I had for one weekend.

It all started Wednesday night when our Men's Group had the annual Turkey Fry. The turkey was delicious (as were the Funyuns), and we fought over the crispy skin as usual. Luckily for us, that night also corresponded with the anniversary of C.S. Lewis' death. We decided to read some favorite quotes and passages and use those for discussion and something to do while drinking beer. (Rab's post with favorite quote)

I'm going to include an excerpt of one passage that was read from Mere Christianity. It's long, so feel free to skip it.

"Chastity is the most unpopular of the Christian virtues. There is no
getting away from it: the old Christian rule is, "Either marriage, with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence." Now this is so difficult and so contrary to our instincts, that obviously either Christianity is wrong or our sexual instinct, as it now is, has gone wrong. One or the other. Of course, being a Christian, I think it is the instinct which has gone wrong.

But I have other reasons for thinking so. The biological purpose of sex is children, just as the biological purpose of eating is to repair the body. Now if we eat whenever we feel inclined and just as much as we want, it isquite true that most of us will eat too much: but not terrifically too much. One man may eat enough for two, but he does not eat enough for ten. The appetite goes a little beyond its biological purpose, but not enormously. But if a healthy young man indulged his sexual appetite whenever he felt inclined, and if each act produced a baby, then in ten years he might easily populate a small village. This appetite is in ludicrous and preposterous excess of its function.

Or take it another way. You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act-that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of the sex instinct among us?

One critic said that if he found a country in which such striptease acts with food were popular, he would conclude that the people of that country were starving. He meant, of course, to imply that such things as the strip-tease act resulted not from sexual corruption but from sexual starvation. I agree with him that if, in some strange land, we found that similar acts with mutton chops were popular, one of the possible explanations which would occur to me would be famine. But the next step would be to test our hypothesis by finding out whether, in fact, much or little food was being consumed in that country. If the evidence showed that a good deal was being eaten, then of course we should have to abandon the hypothesis of starvation and try to think of another one. In the same way, before accepting sexual starvation as the cause of the strip-tease, we should have to look for evidence that there is in fact more sexual abstinence in our age than in those ages when things like the strip-tease were unknown. But surely there is no such evidence. Contraceptives have made sexual indulgence far less costly within marriage and far safer outside it than ever before, and public opinion is less hostile to illicit unions and even to perversion than it has been since Pagan times. Nor is the hypothesis of "starvation" the only one we can imagine. Everyone knows that the sexual appetite, like our other appetites, grows by indulgence. Starving men may think much about food, but so do gluttons; the gorged, as well as the famished, like titillations.

Here is a third point. You find very few people who want to eat things that really are not food or to do other things with food instead of eating it. In other words, perversions of the food appetite are rare. But perversions of the sex instinct are numerous, hard to cure, and frightful. I am sorry to have to go into all these details, but I must. The reason why I must is that you and I, for the last twenty years, have been fed all day long on good solid lies about sex. We have been told, till one is sick of hearing it, that sexual desire is in the same state as any of our other natural desires and that if only we abandon the silly old Victorian idea of hushing it up, everything in the garden will be lovely. It is not true. The moment you look at the facts, and away from the propaganda, you see that it is not."
-C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity

Full Text Here

Thursday was Thanksgiving in all of its gluttonous glory. I drove out to Granny's to spend some time with her. Then felt guilty on the drive home that I don't visit her more often. Then played games at the in-laws until feasting time. My folks came over, along with my wife's entire side of the family. It was a lot of fun and the nice weather allowed for a few games of washers. Then we went home for a nap and ended up sleeping through the night.

Friday's highlight was Monopoly and poker. I won one of the two games of Monopoly that we played, which is a great accomplishment for me and probably the most productive thing I did all weekend.

I spent a lot of Saturday reading "A Confederacy of Dunces," while the wife did a lot of homework.

Sunday was church, lots of Yahtzee with the wife, a little bit of shopping, then more reading. Then I got killed in two games of Scrabble while we waited for the Colts game to start. The game was fun to watch, especially the first half when everything seemed to come together (finally) for the Colts. Hopefully Dallas Clark is back soon. It was embarrassing listening to the NBC broadcasting team try to keep the viewers interested. They talked more about Denver's quarterback dilemna and Romo than they did about Addai and the Colts. And if John Madden ever says the words, "It's just amazing that he [Peyton Manning] never gets injured..." he should be fired from ever doing another Colts game again.

So that was my great weekend and now I'm back at work wondering why I still haven't found a way to figure out what I want to do with my life. Maybe I'm already doing it. Anyways, life goes on.