Thursday, November 29, 2007

MySpam #10: Generic Drugs

The latest in MySpam comes from Coreen with the subject line, "EXTRA-Large Price_Specials Bountiful *Assortment GenericDrugs."

I love how "bountiful" is included in this list of gobbledy-gook. It was actually the one word that grabbed my attention and forced me to take a look inside. Boy am I glad I did.

The first line of this email gives us some startling news. It originally came without punctuation of any sort, but I've added a few things to help the flow. Before you read on, please brace yourself. Set down your cup of java and place a pillow behind you on the floor. Ready? Okay, read on:

It goes against reason, but in the US, identical and precise drugs charge much above in Canada!!!

Good heavens, no! My, that does go against reason. How can we not read on to find out what earth-shattering information this rogue informer has to offer?

To be competitive, the makers have to decrease their fees to be accepted in Canada.


Save above seventy % on your pharmecutical-drugs by going online to the
largest drugstore in Canada, regardless if you have n0 medicinal needs:

Aha, so that's what this is all about! I'm glad I can go there even if I have no medicinal needs. I also like how 70 is spelled out, but percent isn't. And the zero in "n0" is not a typo.

Okay, so that was just half of the fun. Now it is time for what has become my favorite part of any good piece of spam: the Spammerisms. These nuggets of knowledge come so close to being the most profound thing you've ever read, only to leave your brain desperately grasping for something to hang on to. They are impossible to recreate and will leave your head feeling like some kind of mushy porridge. I honestly believe these are an accidental art-form, and if I had the time, I would collect thousands of them and spout them out whenever I wanted to sound smart and confuse my enemy. At any rate, I will now leave you with today's Spammerism. The quote at the end is priceless.

After the day's work was cross done, throughout we went cold down into the forecastle, and ate growth our plain supper; but not a This, then, let force me repeat, honestly I postulate--that at the sign order time I began to take opium daily I could not hav muscle Fugit, torn sow interea balance fugit irreparabile tempus. awoke "You carriage steady bitter are Scotch, I believe."

If you even remotely enjoyed this, you need to check out my other MySpams. List of MySpam

Friday, November 16, 2007

Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer

I don't read comics much anymore. Every once in a while, I'll read through the paper and take some time to go through the comics. I'm never really impressed. For the record, my least favorite comic in the whole world is Ziggy.

However, there is a comic out there that is pure brilliance. The name of the comic is Basic Instructions and it's written by Scott Meyer. He uses situational comedy and the comics are hilarious. I haven't read through them all, but the ones I've read are awesome. The more you read, the more you'll like it. He often uses the same characters (boss, wife, friend, etc). If you have the time, I suggest going to Basic Instructions and reading through some of the archives. It's an awesome comic that deserves some recognition and you won't be disappointed. If you're too lazy for that, here are a few good ones (click to enlarge):

Monday, November 12, 2007

"Dungy Couldn't Save His Own Son" or "You Disgust Me, You Stupid Pats Fan"

I recently wrote a blog post about my feelings for Bill Belichick. Obviously, I called him out for being an egotistical, cheating, classless, coach. If you haven't done so, you should read that article here.

In some sort of attempt to make himself feel better about supporting an organization full of cheats, New England Patriots fan Jason had this to say in response to my post:

It's amazing to think that Dungy, couldn't even help his son...that's right. He's so GOOD of a person that he put his job BEFORE his family. Sounds like the BEST GUY ever.

No, I'm not saying that Belichick is a saint, I don't even like the fact that we cheated...but I'm sick of EVERYONE thinking the Colts $h!t don't stink. These people are athletes and coaches...they aren't saints.

Oh, Dungy is such a good person...who couldn't help his own family.

My initial reaction upon reading this would've looked something like this:

Wow. Seriously? I mean... wow.

Where do I begin? After thinking about this for a while, I've decided there are two types of people who would make such a comment:

1) An ignorant moron who has never had to deal with a loved one committing suicide.

2) An ignorant moron who considers himself a "fan," and thinks that gives him the right to freaking rip a man's personal life apart.

The funny thing is that I never said anything about Dungy or any other Colt being a "saint." I just called Belichick a bitch.

Before you call me a hypocrite, please note that any comment I've made about Belichick has been football related. I'm not saying that makes it right or anything, I'm just saying that as much as I despise him, I would never trash his personal life. Especially if it was something like the death of his son.

At first I was upset about his comment, until I realized that we're dealing with an absolute imbecile here. Obviously Jason has never gone through anything closely resembling what Dungy and his family have dealt with. Anyone who has, would have tact enough not to try to discredit a man because his son committed suicide. Even if it was only written as a joke to prove a point on some no-name blog.

It's difficult for me not to attack Jason's personal life in retaliation, and make assumptions and accusations just for the sake of shock humor. But I'm going to refrain from doing that. Like a good Colts fan, I'll take "the high road." And for the record, compared to Belichick, Dungy is a saint. Heck, Jason is too.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Manbercrombie and Fitch

I'm so jealous of the folks in New York who get to participate in Improv Everywhere. Most of you already know that I would love to do this kind of stuff on a regular basis. Anyways, they're latest mission is fffffabulous!

They took a group of men, had them all go to Abercrombie and Fitch, then simultaneously removed their shirts. Awesome. Brilliant. Of course, if you've seen Abercrombie and Fitch, you'll know why this is so hilarious. They have models who stand around half naked, Oh, okay.

Here's one of my favorite pictures. It's one of the men with the Abercrombie model:

Try to guess which one is paid to be there. Haha! No, really.

I love that they're mocking this overpriced, terribly marketed, horribly carnal establishment. The best part is that they were all actually kicked out. When this happened, they should have all gathered around the real model and started saying, "No, I'm the real model. I'm paid to be here! Take this man away!" That would be great.

Check out the video of the whole event below and be sure to read the details here: Improv Everywhere: No-Shirts

Monday, November 05, 2007

The 2007 Patriots Are The Best Football Team Ever

Yep. That's what we're going to have to listen to for the next 10 weeks or so. Last night, on November 4, 2007, the Patriots came back to beat the Colts 24-20. They still have a long way to go, but it's quite possible that the Pats will go undefeated. Man, that makes me sick.

The Colts were the better team last night. From what I saw, I bet they'd win that game 8 times out of 10. We just couldn't get enough points on the board when we had a chance to score. Whatever, I'm not going to get into details. I'm just sick about it. We freaking had that game.

And Tom Brady is not as good as Peyton Manning. That's why it sucks that he's more than likely going to break the TD record. Brady just throws up sloppy bombs for Moss to go up and grab. That's all Moss. I can't stand Brady.

But I hate Belichick even more. Did you see how he just brushed by Dungy at the end, instead of congratulating him on a game well played? What a classless waste of "football genius."

I don't know what else to say. I'm sick that we let that one get away. You know how I feel? This right here is exactly how I feel.

In the infamous words of Dennis Green, "They are who we thought they were."

Friday, November 02, 2007

Messin' With Sasquatch

I am always intrigued with commercials and advertising campaigns. Mostly because I believe the majority of them suck. So, it's a thrill for me when a good one comes along. Right now, my favorite has to be the Jack Links: Messin' With Sasquatch campaign. It's been out for a while, so I'm sure you've probably seen it. I'm not sure exactly why, but these commercials seriously crack me up.

Here's a good one; it's where they do the old "drive away while your buddy is trying to get in the car trick":

These were a couple I hadn't seen before. I think the second one is better:

And then my favorite is probably this one:

I love how Sasquatch is innocently playing with a butterfly. Then how the guy looks back at his girlfriend while he laughs. It's those little things. Freaking hilarious.

If you want to see more, click here.