Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Why I Don't Play World of Warcraft

Not that any of you care, but I need to write this for me. Why am I not playing the greatest game ever invented? Me, who grew up with Frogger and Qbert on Atari, and everything on Nintendo? Me, who thought King's Bounty was God's gift to my DOS prompt? Me, who fell in love with Ocarina of Time and actually had a dream which helped me solve a puzzle I'd been working on for days? Why in the world would I not play a game that I knowingly would enjoy for hours and hours on end? I know some of you may think video games are dorky and a dumb waste of time. So is reading other people's blogs. So, you can't use that argument. Ha-ha. But, if you've grown up with games like I have, and especially enjoy RPGs, there's a 100% chance that you would love World of Warcraft. Just watch this teaser trailer and tell me you're not at least intrigued:

Yes, I know WoW has been around for years now. Which makes it even more amazing that I don't play. So the question remains, why don't I play World of Warcraft? Well, the reason I like to give is that I know I would become addicted to this game and would not be able to make myself stop. I have a hard time putting up Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, so there's no way I could limit my playing time for WoW. As evidence of what can happen, I offer up two videos. This first one is just sound of a kid fighting with his parents, who are trying to make him stop for the night. Scary.

Next is some kind of British news story on game addiction.

There is little doubt in my mind that I would become addicted to this game. I would probably never admit to that, but I'm sure it would happen. Those two kids would have nothing on me. So, it's easy to use that as an excuse for me and an explanation as to why I don't play. Another excuse is that there's no way my wife would agree to letting me play this game for more than 15 minutes a day. That may or may not be true, but I like to think it's true, so there's another reason I don't play. And the best excuse is because we don't have an internet connection at home. Actually, this is probably the only excuse. Dangit. I want to play. Lastly, WoW has come up with a great advertising campaign to promote their free 10-day trial. Thanks to Brian (who is on WoW hiatus, but has played in the past) for first pointing these out to me a while ago. Mr. T. is still the best one.

Not sure this one counts, it's from Toyota:

And, just for the heck of it, since no post about WOW would be complete without it: Leeeeeeroooooy Jenkins!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Gonzo's Great Advice

"I've never been there, but I know the way..." -The Great Gonzo

I thought giving Gonzo a pipe made him look more distinguished and added some depth and mystique to his quote.

The quote is from one of my favorite songs of all time, "I'm Going To Go Back There Someday." Actually, I'm not sure that is the title of the song, but that doesn't take away from it's awesomeness. There are a number of brilliant lines in that song, and this particular one has always struck a chord with me. So to speak.

I was recently telling a friend of mine how it seems I get an annoying feeling of discontent about every six months or so. Beginning around high school, I placed the blame for this feeling on women and my relationships with them. But since then, I've been happily married, and yet the feeling remains. So, I decided it must be because of the jobs I've been in. Well, now I really like the job I do, and here comes this feeling again. So I'm left trying to figure out where it's coming from.

The scary thing about this feeling is that usually it leads to me doing something fairly drastic. Like moving to California, changing jobs, or getting married. So, I'm not sure what will happen this time (I'd cut my hair, but it's already too short) and I've been thinking more and more about it.

As I said, this feeling comes and goes and I was reminded of a post I did about a year ago. It's called We've All Got Itchy Feet. I think it does a better job of discussing this feeling than I'm doing today. In that post, I mentioned this song by Gonzo, and I was reminded how much truth is in that song.

The only conclusion I can come up with unites Gonzo and another person I love to quote: C.S. Lewis. He's the one who says we're not content because we weren't made for this world. That's the only way to explain this.

I think that is what Gonzo is talking about. And now that I think about it, this isn't the first time a Muppet has crossed paths with Lewis. I remember that happened in one of the first posts I ever wrote. The Rainbow Connection. Crazy.

Anyways, I'm not sure what to do with all of this. All I know is that this feeling always makes me feel old and tired. So I'll leave you with Gonzo's awesome song. It's a classic and one of my favorites. And in case you were wondering... Yes, that is smoke from an atom bomb coming out of Gonzo's pipe.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

MySpam #10: Generic Drugs

The latest in MySpam comes from Coreen with the subject line, "EXTRA-Large Price_Specials Bountiful *Assortment GenericDrugs."

I love how "bountiful" is included in this list of gobbledy-gook. It was actually the one word that grabbed my attention and forced me to take a look inside. Boy am I glad I did.

The first line of this email gives us some startling news. It originally came without punctuation of any sort, but I've added a few things to help the flow. Before you read on, please brace yourself. Set down your cup of java and place a pillow behind you on the floor. Ready? Okay, read on:

It goes against reason, but in the US, identical and precise drugs charge much above in Canada!!!

Good heavens, no! My, that does go against reason. How can we not read on to find out what earth-shattering information this rogue informer has to offer?

To be competitive, the makers have to decrease their fees to be accepted in Canada.


Save above seventy % on your pharmecutical-drugs by going online to the
largest drugstore in Canada, regardless if you have n0 medicinal needs:

Aha, so that's what this is all about! I'm glad I can go there even if I have no medicinal needs. I also like how 70 is spelled out, but percent isn't. And the zero in "n0" is not a typo.

Okay, so that was just half of the fun. Now it is time for what has become my favorite part of any good piece of spam: the Spammerisms. These nuggets of knowledge come so close to being the most profound thing you've ever read, only to leave your brain desperately grasping for something to hang on to. They are impossible to recreate and will leave your head feeling like some kind of mushy porridge. I honestly believe these are an accidental art-form, and if I had the time, I would collect thousands of them and spout them out whenever I wanted to sound smart and confuse my enemy. At any rate, I will now leave you with today's Spammerism. The quote at the end is priceless.

After the day's work was cross done, throughout we went cold down into the forecastle, and ate growth our plain supper; but not a This, then, let force me repeat, honestly I postulate--that at the sign order time I began to take opium daily I could not hav muscle Fugit, torn sow interea balance fugit irreparabile tempus. awoke "You carriage steady bitter are Scotch, I believe."

If you even remotely enjoyed this, you need to check out my other MySpams. List of MySpam

Friday, November 16, 2007

Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer

I don't read comics much anymore. Every once in a while, I'll read through the paper and take some time to go through the comics. I'm never really impressed. For the record, my least favorite comic in the whole world is Ziggy.

However, there is a comic out there that is pure brilliance. The name of the comic is Basic Instructions and it's written by Scott Meyer. He uses situational comedy and the comics are hilarious. I haven't read through them all, but the ones I've read are awesome. The more you read, the more you'll like it. He often uses the same characters (boss, wife, friend, etc). If you have the time, I suggest going to Basic Instructions and reading through some of the archives. It's an awesome comic that deserves some recognition and you won't be disappointed. If you're too lazy for that, here are a few good ones (click to enlarge):

Monday, November 12, 2007

"Dungy Couldn't Save His Own Son" or "You Disgust Me, You Stupid Pats Fan"

I recently wrote a blog post about my feelings for Bill Belichick. Obviously, I called him out for being an egotistical, cheating, classless, coach. If you haven't done so, you should read that article here.

In some sort of attempt to make himself feel better about supporting an organization full of cheats, New England Patriots fan Jason had this to say in response to my post:

It's amazing to think that Dungy, couldn't even help his son...that's right. He's so GOOD of a person that he put his job BEFORE his family. Sounds like the BEST GUY ever.

No, I'm not saying that Belichick is a saint, I don't even like the fact that we cheated...but I'm sick of EVERYONE thinking the Colts $h!t don't stink. These people are athletes and coaches...they aren't saints.

Oh, Dungy is such a good person...who couldn't help his own family.

My initial reaction upon reading this would've looked something like this:

Wow. Seriously? I mean... wow.

Where do I begin? After thinking about this for a while, I've decided there are two types of people who would make such a comment:

1) An ignorant moron who has never had to deal with a loved one committing suicide.

2) An ignorant moron who considers himself a "fan," and thinks that gives him the right to freaking rip a man's personal life apart.

The funny thing is that I never said anything about Dungy or any other Colt being a "saint." I just called Belichick a bitch.

Before you call me a hypocrite, please note that any comment I've made about Belichick has been football related. I'm not saying that makes it right or anything, I'm just saying that as much as I despise him, I would never trash his personal life. Especially if it was something like the death of his son.

At first I was upset about his comment, until I realized that we're dealing with an absolute imbecile here. Obviously Jason has never gone through anything closely resembling what Dungy and his family have dealt with. Anyone who has, would have tact enough not to try to discredit a man because his son committed suicide. Even if it was only written as a joke to prove a point on some no-name blog.

It's difficult for me not to attack Jason's personal life in retaliation, and make assumptions and accusations just for the sake of shock humor. But I'm going to refrain from doing that. Like a good Colts fan, I'll take "the high road." And for the record, compared to Belichick, Dungy is a saint. Heck, Jason is too.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Manbercrombie and Fitch

I'm so jealous of the folks in New York who get to participate in Improv Everywhere. Most of you already know that I would love to do this kind of stuff on a regular basis. Anyways, they're latest mission is fffffabulous!

They took a group of men, had them all go to Abercrombie and Fitch, then simultaneously removed their shirts. Awesome. Brilliant. Of course, if you've seen Abercrombie and Fitch, you'll know why this is so hilarious. They have models who stand around half naked, advertising...clothing? Oh, okay.

Here's one of my favorite pictures. It's one of the men with the Abercrombie model:

Try to guess which one is paid to be there. Haha! No, really.

I love that they're mocking this overpriced, terribly marketed, horribly carnal establishment. The best part is that they were all actually kicked out. When this happened, they should have all gathered around the real model and started saying, "No, I'm the real model. I'm paid to be here! Take this man away!" That would be great.

Check out the video of the whole event below and be sure to read the details here: Improv Everywhere: No-Shirts

Monday, November 05, 2007

The 2007 Patriots Are The Best Football Team Ever

Yep. That's what we're going to have to listen to for the next 10 weeks or so. Last night, on November 4, 2007, the Patriots came back to beat the Colts 24-20. They still have a long way to go, but it's quite possible that the Pats will go undefeated. Man, that makes me sick.

The Colts were the better team last night. From what I saw, I bet they'd win that game 8 times out of 10. We just couldn't get enough points on the board when we had a chance to score. Whatever, I'm not going to get into details. I'm just sick about it. We freaking had that game.

And Tom Brady is not as good as Peyton Manning. That's why it sucks that he's more than likely going to break the TD record. Brady just throws up sloppy bombs for Moss to go up and grab. That's all Moss. I can't stand Brady.

But I hate Belichick even more. Did you see how he just brushed by Dungy at the end, instead of congratulating him on a game well played? What a classless waste of "football genius."

I don't know what else to say. I'm sick that we let that one get away. You know how I feel? This right here is exactly how I feel.

In the infamous words of Dennis Green, "They are who we thought they were."

Friday, November 02, 2007

Messin' With Sasquatch

I am always intrigued with commercials and advertising campaigns. Mostly because I believe the majority of them suck. So, it's a thrill for me when a good one comes along. Right now, my favorite has to be the Jack Links: Messin' With Sasquatch campaign. It's been out for a while, so I'm sure you've probably seen it. I'm not sure exactly why, but these commercials seriously crack me up.

Here's a good one; it's where they do the old "drive away while your buddy is trying to get in the car trick":

These were a couple I hadn't seen before. I think the second one is better:

And then my favorite is probably this one:

I love how Sasquatch is innocently playing with a butterfly. Then how the guy looks back at his girlfriend while he laughs. It's those little things. Freaking hilarious.

If you want to see more, click here.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Dungy and Belichick Hate Each Other. I Hate Belichick Too.

(AP photo)

Well, hate is a strong word. Maybe despise is better. You can see the disgust in Dungy's face as he shakes hands with Belicheat. He looks like he swallowed a bug.

I think Belichick hates anyone not named Bill Belichick, so perhaps it's unfair to call out his hatred for Dungy. Belichick brushes by every coach at the end of the game, so this picture proves nothing.

Dungy is a great man with high morals and dignity. How could he not despise a cretin like Belichick? I am a small man, with limited morals and average dignity. And I'm disgusted with Belichick. I can't imagine what putrid flavor of disgust gathers at the back of Dungy's throat every time he comes within sniffing distance of Belichick. Just look at his face! Poor man.

Let's break down the name "Belichick." First you have the word Beli, which is the name of a giant in Norse mythology. Then you have the word chick, which can loosely be translated into the word "bitch." Put them together and that gives you "giant bitch." Bill Belichick. Bill the giant bitch.

I apologize for the offensive language, but the English language is full of many words and it's important to choose the word that best fits what you are trying to describe.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Another Reason We Hate The Patriots: Running Up The Score?

Bob Kravitz actually wrote an interesting article this morning. He talks about how much we hate the Patriots and focuses on an interesting topic: running up the score.

The only reason I don't like the fact that the Patriots are scoring 100 points per game is that I don't want to see Peyton's single season TD record get broken so soon. By Tom freaking Brady. And at this rate, the only way that won't happen is if our defense takes out a third starting quarterback in a row. I usually don't like to see injuries against our opponents, but in this case, I would love it.

So anyways, it's no secret that some teams are upset and accusing the Patriots of being a classless, scandalous team. You'll get no argument from me, but I'm not sure about the whole running up the score thing. I'm of the opinion that if the other team can't stop you, they deserve to lose by 50 points. Now, if you want to be stupid and leave your franchise quarterback on the field when the game is over, then fine. Be stupid. But I don't think that's bad sportsmanship. It's just dumb.

And in defense of the Patriots, their last game last season ended when they allowed a certain team to come back from 21-3. I'd be focusing on putting games away too, if I were them.

The best part about all of this is a little gem I found in the comments to Kravitz's article. Someone posted a link to a thread from the Patsfans.com website. It's a four page discussion by Patriots fans about how classless the Colts are for running up the score (from 2005). Stupid Pats fans. If there's anything I dislike more than the Patriots, it's someone who actually supports that cheating franchise. Not really, but I want to sound dramatic.

If the Colts lose this Sunday, I hope it's by 50 points. And I hope they leave Brady in the game. And I hope he gets injured. And is out for the rest of the season. Then returns for the playoffs. And loses to the Colts.

Here's the link to the idiot Pats fan thread: idiot Pats fans

Here's the link to Bob Kravitz's article: It's becoming easier to hate the Pats more every week


Monday, October 29, 2007

Colts vs. Patriots: November 4, 2007

Well, the time has finally come. There is absolutely nothing I can possibly write that won't be talked about a million times over in the coming week. This is the biggest regular season game I can ever remember. There's a big chance that it may decide who gets home field advantage between these two teams in the playoffs (which is huge). And if the Colts lose, I don't see how the Patriots won't go undefeated this season. So anyways, needless to say, I'm very excited.

This city is going to be so hyped up, it's gonna be ridiculous. It will definitely be like a playoff game and maybe even more exciting than the first round of the playoffs. I'm mostly looking forward to what Dungy and Polian have to say. They're really the only ones who say anything worth listening to. I'm sure I'll still read every article I can get my hands on, but that's just for fun. I could care less what the media has to offer.

Well, I hope everyone has fun plans for the game. Whoever wins, I hope it's a solid game and if we lose, I hope it's because they outplayed us. Please no more dropped passes. GO COLTS!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Colts Beat Jaguars on Monday Night

Just a few thoughts about the Monday Night Football game:

1) I don't like Tony Kornheiser doing MNF. I'm a big fan of PTI, but he just doesn't work here. And it was really annoying in the first quarter, during an exciting game, to hear him keep bringing up crap about the football god, Tom Edward Brady. For pete's sake, save that for the end of the game when nobody's watching. It's bad enough that we have to hear about it everywhere else in the media, why talk about him in the middle of drives during an exciting game?

2) I hate the celebrity appearances in the 3rd quarter. Hate is not a strong enough word. I loathe it. I'm sure it probably gives them more viewers, or they have some statistic or dollar sign to justify it, but for a real football fan, it's ludicrous. It's even worse than every station hiring their own Bonnie Bernstein to cover injury reports and sideline interviews.

3) Peyton Manning is not trying to make a statement about being overshadowed by Tom Brady. Why did they bring this up like 50 times? Stupid! Do they honestly think he's thinking about that? You guys are morons! Who cares? And all he's thinking about this week is Carolina. Look, the Pats/Colts game on Nov. 4 is a huge game, nobody is debating that and I know it makes for great ratings and will be hyped up. But Monday night's game was ten times more significant for the Colts. If you think Peyton is worried about Brady breaking his record, or stealing headlines, or any of that crap, you don't know a dang thing about football.

4) Hagler is really playing well. I remember the first time I noticed him was in the Kansas City playoff game last year. It was a punt return and he just leveled the guy. I remember us saying, "that guy got 'Haglered.'" How about that? I just found the clip:

5) The play of the game for me was Sanders making a one on one tackle when they went for it on 4-1. Odd play call from Jacksonville, but we'll take it.

6) I don't think I've ever seen the Colts get a safety. Now if we could only return a kick for a touchdown.

7) Peyton was awesome. There were a few huge plays where he would stay in the pocket for one extra second in order to make a play downfield. And he got punished for it almost every time. Anyways, everyone knows Peyton is awesome.

8) Great game by the Colts. It's been so long since I've seen them lose a game, I'll probably be depressed when it happens.


Monday, October 08, 2007

Mandy Land

As you can imagine, we had quite an exciting men's group on Friday. We played an intense game of Mandy Land. I'm guessing you've never heard of Mandy Land. That's because we just invented it. I would love to meet the group of guys (if they somewhere exist) who have also played Mandy Land. I imagine they're probably also big fans of Man-Pong.

So you want to know how to play? Okay, here's what you'll need:

1) The game Candy Land.
2) One case of Stroh's or other cheap beer.
3) Two or more friends.
4) Plenty of time to sober up before driving anywhere.

Now you play the game according to Milton Bradley, but with the following Addendums:

1) Decide what "x" equals in amount of drinks to take (e.g. x= 2 drinks).
2) If a player moves ahead 4 places or less, he drinks x.
3) If a player moves ahead 5 places or more, he divvies out x times o (o= the number of opponents). So, four opponents would be 4x (or 8 drinks in our example), which can be passed out in any increment to any number of opponents.
4) If a player gets a double-card, moving ahead by two color pieces, he divvies out 2ox (i.e. 2*4*2= 16).
5) If a player lands on Rainbow Road or Gumdrop Pass, he divvies out 4ox (i.e. 4*4*2= 32).
6) If a player is stuck on a dot, he has to drink x on every turn he doesn't get out (I guess this falls under rule #2, but just to be sure, here it is).
7) If a player draws a card that moves him to a specific candy-region, he must choose one opponent. These two players must go head-to-head in roshambo; best of three. The loser of roshambo must drink 3x. The opponents who did not play roshambo must drink x.
8) When a player wins, the remaining losers must drink the following: 2nd=x, 3rd=2x, 4th=3x, etc.

Well, now you're ready to play your own game of Mandy Land. Brian won our game, cause he's a lucky turd who advanced to Queen Frostine. I may have these rules mixed up a bit, but part of the fun of the game is making up the rules as you go. If anyone else actually tries this, please let me know. Enjoy!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

All Dogs Go To Heaven

I can remember when I was a kid watching movies, I would always be way more upset about dogs being killed than I would about humans. Movies like Old Yeller and Turner and Hootch may have scarred me for life. Perhaps I've gotten numb to seeing people die in films; so when a dog dies, that affects me more than people do. I'm not sure. It just seems wrong to me when dogs die. I can't explain it.

So all this to say, my folks are putting down their dog today. Suzi lived a long life and definitely had three feet in the grave. So today will be her last day. It's a good day to die. I don't know how old she is, but she spent the past two years or so with my parents. I'm not too sad about it, cause she was a mean old bitch. My wife was downright happy when I told her. But it is sad for my parents. And I'm sure G-Anne (the original owner) will spend some time mourning today. But at least Suzi's going down before some disease or something worse puts her in too much pain.

So, I went to the folks for lunch today to pay my last respects. While waiting for my mom to get home, I noticed the following story on Indystar:

Puppy set on fire in Michigan City

Associated Press

MICHIGAN CITY, Ind. -- A 4-month-old puppy, possibly doused with gasoline, was set on fire and had to be put to sleep because of severe burns, police said.

"Obviously, we're very concerned. It's a heinous crime committed by someone who has a lot of problems," Assistant Police Chief John Kintzele said Wednesday.

A neighbor said she was smoking a cigarette on her front porch about 1 a.m. Wednesday and saw what appeared to be a dog on fire running across the street. The woman called police, and officers found the badly burned pit bull coming out of some bushes.
The animal's owner, Andrea Davis, said her dog, Snoopy, had been on a leash tied to a stake in her fenced back yard.

"I thought this was a nice neighborhood," said Davis, who moved there about two months ago. "I don't want another dog if I can't keep him in the back yard. He was a real good dog. I wouldn't have traded him for the world."

A search of the area led officers to a nearby shed, where they found a gasoline can.

What a sick, sick bastard. For some reason this disgusted me more than the millions of other filthy things going on in our world. Maybe because I'm numb to the other crap. But who does this to a 4-month old puppy? Named Snoopy at that. And tied up in the backyard. Bastard. What a sick world.

Anyways, hopefully dogs do go to heaven. They deserve it more than we do.

So in honor of today's events, I'm going to share one of my all time favorite short stories. It's by Stephen Crane and it's called A Dark-Brown Dog. It really is amazingly written, but if you know Stephen Crane, you'll know what to expect. It's worth five minutes if you can spare the time: A Dark-Brown Dog.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Colts Win, Go 3-0

Before we get all giddy about the Colts winning another divisional road game and going 3-0, let's look at the bad side. Freaking special teams. The worst thing about that stupid opening kick return was that it came after an offsides penalty on the kickoff. Offsides? On a kickoff? I mean, seriously. What the heck! That was terrible. Another stupid penalty against our defense when Houston was facing 4th and 1 led to points on the board.

Houston is good this year. Imagine this scenario: Colts home game against defending champion, oh let's say Patriots. Marvin Harrison is out with an injury. Then Ben Utecht goes down with a separated shoulder. Then Gonzalez dislocates a finger and Jeff Saturday gets a knee sprain. Then Addai goes out in the second quarter with a knee problem and since Kenton Keith didn't even suit up that day (chest injury), T.J. Rushing is our running back for the rest of the game. Shortly after that, say Roy Hall (for irony's sake) goes down hard after a kickoff and has to leave on a stretcher. Think they'd stand much of a chance? I don't know, but that's what Houston faced on Sunday and they held up pretty darn well. Despite giving up two rushing TDs, they have a really good run defense. Expect a better fight from this team the next time we meet. Hopefully the Colts will have improved by then.

Speaking of rushing touchdowns. That one from Addai was flippin' sweet! The picture above speaks a thousand words and I'm sure you'll see it all over the place. Even better than a picture is the actual footage. Enjoy.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Friday Fun: The Impossible Quiz

If you've never played The Impossible Quiz, or its successor, The Impossible Quiz 2, then urine for a treat. I love little mind games and puns and such, and these quizzes are full of them. I think the Impossible Quiz 2 is better, so you should start with the first one. That way you'll enjoy it more. You have to think outside the box and sometimes nothing really makes sense at all. Both of them are pretty tough. Actually, I haven't even gotten to the end of either of them. Anyways, if you need a little break on your Friday, check them out.

Here's an example of one question: "How do you make Varnish disappear?" Think you know the answer? Prove it.

The Impossible Quiz
The Impossible Quiz 2

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

"Don't Taze Me Bro!"

Chris just sent us all a link of the University of Florida student who got tasered at a John Kerry political rally (thanks Chris!). If you haven't seen the video, check it out. I'm posting one here, but there are a few more that give different angles and stuff.

Yes, the guy is stupid and yes the cops were stupid. The thing I'm interested in is seeing how viral this phrase gets: "Don't taze me bro! Don't taze me!" Watch near the end of the video as the student begs for mercy. It's not funny, but I cracked up at it. Then, a number of people commented on the phrase. I'm guessing it's a matter of time before it becomes a phenomenon. Anyways, enjoy.

Weekend Update: Happy Birthday to Me

Well it was another perfect weekend in Indianapolis. I seriously love the fall season. When I lived in southern California, the only thing I didn't like about the weather was not having fall. Or thunderstorms.

I had yet another birthday on Saturday. Not much to say there, except I'm one of those people who doesn't really enjoy getting older. I still can't grow a full beard and show little signs of balding, so it's not too depressing yet.

One notable thing about my birthday is that I changed phone numbers recently and apparently forgot to tell everyone. Anyways, some lucky girl got a lot of calls this weekend to wish her a happy birthday. Just for fun, you should call 317, 938, 3323 and ask for Art. Let me know how annoyed she is.

The Colts won a tough game that shouldn't have come down to the wire. Why didn't they call a timeout on that last drive of the first half? And why didn't they run after the two minute warning at the end of the game? I will say that it's nice to know that the defense can come up with a stop when we need it. We got a win, so I won't complain too much.

The rest of my weekend can be summed up within this jumbled mess of my thoughts:
Men's Group, man-pong, poker, Stroh's, hot tub, washers, Scruff cameo, birthday, grits, church, Colts win, balloons, family, beer, sunshine, beer.

Last year I had a much more entertaining post, which you should read here:
City Boy Goes Camping

And don't forget that tomorrow is Talk Like a Pirate Day

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The New England Patriots Are Cheating Cheaters, Who's Next?

By now I'm sure you all know that the Patriots are cheating bastards. They have violated league rules by videotaping defensive signals given by the New York Jets in last Sunday's "victory." This is surely not the first time they have done this, but it appears this time there is evidence to support the facts and now the commissioner will have to deal with it.

This is upsetting to me on a number of levels. First of all, the Patriots really are one of the best teams in the NFL. On an individual level, they outmatch just about every other team at almost any position. Everyone in that organization is really talented at what they do. They are the last team that needs to resort to spying in order to win.

If I'm a Pats fan, I'm even more disgusted by this. If I'm a player, I'm extra pissed off. Consider this response from Patriot cornerback Ellis Hobbs when the allegations first came out:

We put too many hours in as individuals and a team to have to go out and cheat. If it's true, obviously, we're in the wrong. But I'm standing behind my team, my coaches. I don't think we do that stuff.

Can you imagine how pissed you would be after making a statement like that in support of your team?

So hopefully Roger Goodell will come down with the harshest punishment possible. He has to. The damage has already been extensive and nothing is worse than damaging the integrity of the game. If we, as fans, can't be certain that everyone is playing on a level field, we're not going to buy into this game. And I love the game. I hate crap like this, even if it does confirm that the Patriots are the cheating cheaters who we always knew them to be.

The other frustrating thing is that even after the punishment is done, there's no way to repair the damage. I'm still upset that more wasn't done about Shawne Merriman. I mean, the guy gets busted for using steroids after winning the NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year award and going to the Pro Bowl the previous year. So he gets a little 4-game suspension and is a starter in the Pro Bowl that same year? That is absurd to me. How can you support that? Jose Canseco, Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds- these guys had their reputation and their legacy basically ruined by steroids and ruined the integrity of their game. But a hot Pro Bowl linebacker does the same thing and is as popular as ever. He's still endorsed by all the biggest corporate sponsors and is even lucky enough to be in the best NFL commercial so far this year. It's just not right.

The ridiculous thing in both cases is that neither team needed the extra cheating. San Diego still went on to have the best record in the NFL, even with those four games Merriman was out. And the Patriots should never have to cheat to beat the Jets.

The thing that scares me the most is this. Those two teams are the cream of the NFL crop. And which team has the best regular season record in the NFL since 1999? Yep. The Indianapolis Colts. It seems a bit naive to me to think they've done that without bending any rules. Personally, I don't think they have. I seriously believe that integrity and character is more important to this franchise than wins and losses. But I also know that sometimes the people you least expect, are the ones dirtying up the laundry.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Great Start: Colts 1-0

Game 1: Colts 41, Saints 10. Not much to say about last night's game, except that it was AWESOME! We had a lot of fun watching the game and I love when the Colts win early in the week, then we just get to sit back and enjoy the rest of the games on Sunday. Sweetness.

The defense really does look good. This game should've been a shutout. The only points scored were off of a fumble return and a couple missed tackles on a punt return. I sure hope this is a sign of things to come and not just reflective of the fact that New Orleans played terribly. Seriously, that's the only bad news here. They did not play well at all. The good news is that we took advantage of that. I can remember the days when the Colts always seemed to play up to, or down to, their opponent's level. Not last night. And that's a good sign.

My favorite quote of the night? Madden: "If you start out holding him in a legal position, when it becomes illegal, it's still legal."

Notable Notes: Manning's 100th win (including playoffs). Brees almost sets the NFL record for least yards per pass (4.7?).

My hopes are high, dangit. GO HORSE!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

First of all, make sure you have the sound on so you can relive the glory (hopefully it's working). Second of all, I shouldn't be at work today. Third of all, I don't think I've ever been this excited about a season opener for the Colts. Skip the next couple paragraphs if you don't want to hear idiotic ramblings about the upcoming game.

A few brief thoughts about the game: All excitement aside, this game really may be one of the least significant as far as our schedule goes. It's early in the season, against a non-division, non-conference opponent. It's going to feel like a playoff game, but without playoff ramifications.

The Colts will need to do all the normal things to win. Limit the big plays, contain the running game, no mistakes, yada yada yada. There are really only two ways the Colts can lose: Give up huge yardage and big plays on special teams (like if the Saints have +20-30 yards starting field position), lose the turnover battle by more than -1. It will be a tough game regardless, but the Colts should pull this one off.

The crowd is going to be ridiculous. We're hanging the banner tonight and having concerts and everyone's still buzzing from that last AFC Championship game. The Dome is going to be crazy loud. I don't think the Saints have much experience in the kind of atmosphere they're going to have in this season opener. The last time they experienced an angry mob of fans, they got spanked by Chicago. This should be a good learning experience for them. Having said all that, the Colts better show up and show up early, because if New Orleans gets a big lead, we're screwed. Anyways, it'll be a good game.

What I've already realized before we even have the pre-game festivities, is that Colts games will never be the same again. By winning the Super Bowl, these Colts have changed the city. They've turned non-fans into die-hards, and those of us who were die-hards before now have an extra sense of pride. To quote a certain tattoo artist after he completed his work, "That's something they can't never repo from your ass."

I've already spent the past few days looking back at the month of January and the first few weeks of February. Man, that was fun. If you've got the time, enjoy a little trip down memory lane:

Colts in the Super Bowl? A prediction of what I believe was the only scenario that could have gotten the Colts into the Super Bowl.

Colts vs. Bears: Super Bowl XLI. Our experience of the greatest game in Colts history.

Act Like You've Been There Before. A post-AFC Championship game encounter with a Pats fan downtown.

Super Bowl Celebration. A few pictures from our Super Bowl Party.

And the video from our Super Bowl Party. In case you haven't seen it. Man, it was awesome. I like how my wife plows through at the end.

Friday, August 31, 2007

The Power of Compounding Interests

Don't worry, I'm not going to pretend to know about finances. I was recently thinking about why certain things I do are always fun. Not only that, but they seem to get better each time they happen. Each year I say that Summer Camp was better than the year before, or the hockey trip was somehow more fun, or Men's Group is getting better, or I love my wife even more now than the day we got married.

So here's what I've come up with (which I'm sure someone else has discovered and said more clearly, so I apologize in advance for what is sure to be rudimentary psychology). Say you have the best day of your life while you're surfing in southern California. The next time you go out there, it reminds you of how awesome that first day was and you have a similar awesome day. But this time, it seems even better because it reminds you of the awesomeness of the previous day and is combined with the present day's awesomeness. This feeling gets compounded every time you go surfing and just keeps getting better and better.

Another interesting thing is that the same feelings work with people. I had awesome friends growing up. I was really attached to these guys and when I met their grandparents, I seriously felt like they were my own. So then I liked the grandparents more, which made me like my friends more and it all just kept growing on itself, especially when mixed in with the awesome times we were having. One thing would remind me of the other (even if subconsciously) and I'd just be happy being around them.

The point of all this is that next week's season opener for the Colts is going to be amazing.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Catching up with the Times

I've been slacking in the blog posts lately and many things have happened that I would normally have blogged about. So now, I'm just going to run through a ton of them and briefly make comments about each one. This may take a while, but it'll be fun to catch up.

Micah's house burns down. Not much to say here. It was surreal going to see the place the next day. The siding had melted like wax on the house next to his. Unfortunately a dog was killed in this fire, but luckily, that was all. Probably arson, but I haven't heard yet for sure. This was like a month ago, and there used to be good video footage of the fire, but now all I can find is this article.

Summer Camp 2007. Every year seems better than the last. Chief Tim, Reid, Deubs, Boog and I manhandled a record 14 Jr. High Boys. We had a great time. Some highlights were: a deer that licked a few folks, a junior high boy lighting four farts in a row, and a funny No-Talent night. There's an awesome video up that you should watch if you have time. You have to register to see it. Check out the camp blog here.

Slowbie gets married. On the hottest day of the freaking year in an outdoor wedding. I'm just thankful I wasn't in a suit. And he's not Orthodox.

Colts pre-season. The last year in the Dome. I'm sure I'll have much more to say about the Colts in the near future. Huge loss with Tarik Glenn, but hopefully Ugoh is a quick learner. So far though, the Colts have looked pretty solid during the pointless (or point-few) preseason. One week left. GO HORSE!

Fantasy football. Joined my first fantasy football league. We'll see how it goes, but I feel like a huge underdog in my league. It should be fun, regardless of the outcome. Lots of trash talking. My team name is Off Constantly. This guy is our mascot. You can put two and two together for yourself. Yes I know it's very immature.

Arthur loses another job. In my ongoing quest to find a new job every 12 months or less, my department was informed that we would be eliminated within the next three months or so. Every job is going to be lost and we have to reapply into new positions and compete against whoever else applies. I'm actually going to stick this one out and hope to get a new job, but it's been a scary few weeks. The kind of thing that you never think would happen to you. It's karma for me though, because I'm always leaving new jobs after a few months. Still though. Bastards.

18 month wedding anniversary. The past eighteen months since I've been married have flown by. Marriage has been great and I have an amazing wife. It's fun for me to see how much we keep learning and changing. It really is true that if you want to understand women in general, the best way to do that is to try to understand just one of them. That's hard enough. Actually, it's impossible. But still, I recommend marriage to everyone. It's a great way to find out who you are. There's much more I could say here, but I'll just leave it at that.

Joel and Tessi expecting. First, we had an awesome reception for them back home again in Indiana. That was a lot of fun. Anyways, Joel's gonna be an awesome dad. And he's been a great son. Tina and I are so proud. It's also been great seeing him on the webcam at Men's Group and such. Hopefully they'll move back home soon. To keep up on their lives, click here.

Men's Group breaking records. I always look forward to Friday nights with the guys. Last week we broke a record in attendance. Joel and Tim showed up on the webcam and we had the house full. Not much to say here, other than group is great.

Rab's Farewell. Last week we said farewell to Rab. He's heading off to Pennsylvania for bigger and better things. I'm really gonna miss Rab. In honor of his farewell, I created a t-shirt that you can purchase. So far, I've had no takers. If you're interested, click here. Be sure to check out the back of the shirt. To keep up with Rab's wanderings, click here.

Phil's Engagement. The last bit of news happened Monday night when Phil got engaged. Yes, you read that right. Hell has also frozen over and pigs are flying as you read this. We all gathered together to wish them well and that was a lot of fun. It's great to see them both so happy and I just hope they'll continue to be a part of my life. One of the best parts of the night for me was remembering my own engagement. If you're at all interested, you can read about that day here.

So that's about it. Hopefully I can find more time to update on a regular basis, because each of these moments deserves more attention than I gave them. Dangit.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Dear Black People

Another lazy post. This video is hilarious to me for some reason. Yes, it's highly inappropriate. I apologize. If you're at work, keep the sound low. But you do need sound.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Truth About Cats

The other day I was watching the World Poker Tour with my wife. There was quite a unique character sitting at the tables. When he popped up on the screen I said, "check that Cat out." My wife just looked confused.

Apparently this adjective is no longer recognized by our generation. I have used it frequently with some of my closest friends for years now, but it's definitely rare. I think the problem may be that we have forgotten exactly what a "cat" is. So, I'm here to help you become more familiar with who is and is not a cat.

To begin, we must realize that this is not a description to be used lightly. Cats are rare. If you run around calling everyone you see a cat, people are going to know that you have no idea what you're talking about. I see cats maybe once every three months or so.

Alright, here's a picture of the final table at the World Poker Tour in Paris. See if you can spot the cat in this picture.

If you picked number 5, you fell for my trap. Moron. The real cat in this picture is obviously number 2. You can see this cat coming a mile away.

This cat's name is Dr. Hope and he writes children's books when he's not kicking everyone's tail at the poker tables. This cat doesn't care what you think about him. He proudly wears his suit and hat and probably brushes his hair five times a day. This cat is cool and there's no way you'll ever be as cool a cat as Dr. Hope.

Our next example may be the cat of all cats. See if you recognize this cat:

That's right, it's Cat Stevens. This cat is a cat named Cat. You can't beat that. Once again, this cat couldn't care less what you think about him. He's a crazy cat, because he had the cattiest name possible, but went Muslim on the world and changed it to Yusuf. You may think that's crazy; I know I do. But this cat doesn't care. Cats never care what you think about them.

Okay, now let's see if you're ready. Look at this next picture and tell me if you see a cat:

If you said yes, you have failed and you need to go back and review. This is definitely not a cat. Maybe a bear, but not a cat. The thing about cats is that they're not trying to be a cat. This guy is trying to make you laugh. That's not catty.

Alright, here's our final line-up. In this next picture you'll see a dog, a rat and a cat. See if you can tell which one is the cat.

You probably said Snoop is the dog, Sammy is the rat, and Miles is the cat. You're wrong. It's a trick question. They're all cats. Snoop may call himself "Snoop D O double G," but the dude's a cat. I'm sorry, but he's as catty as they come. You know Miles Davis is like the King of Cats, and Sammy was the cattiest of the rat pack.

So there you have it folks. Next time you're out walking around and you see a cat, be sure to say, "What's up cat?" They won't know what you're talking about, cause cats always play like they don't know.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Stupid Dog Video

This is hilarious. Hopefully you haven't seen this before. It's great.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Mario Line Rider

Today's Friday fun features one of my favorite pastimes: Super Mario Brothers, combined with one of my favorite new online fun-times: Line Rider. If you're an old school Mario Brothers fan, you'll love this. At least I did. And I like how at the very end, the line rider guy ends up in the castle. Sweet.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Birthday Brain Benders

In honor of today being the B-leb birthday, and because I'm once again too lazy to post something worthwhile, I'm just going to put up a couple of brain teasers in case you're bored and haven't seen these before. Be careful when reading any comments, as they may contain the answers. Hope you have fun.


See if you can figure out how to decode the following messages. They all translate into, "All codes lead to Rome." As an example, to decode message #1, just move each letter back one space in the alphabet. The rest are much more difficult. (In case you're curious, I was able to get all but #5 in the time it takes me to go poo. So if you get #5, that means you're smarter than me. If you don't get the others, you're dumber than me.)



Pretend the following titles are on a bookshelf. You have to rearrange them so that the last letter of each title is the first letter of the next title. The last letter of the last title can be anything. The first and last title must begin with the same letter. Go.

1) Nerves
2) Respect
3) Ribbon
4) Shout
5) Titan
6) Tower

Monday, July 09, 2007

I Usually Hate Wiener Dogs

This is a belated 4th of July post. I'm too dang busy/lazy to do a real post these days. But everyone can enjoy a hilarious video. This one cracks me up.

Wiener dogs are like my least favorite dog. They're just awkwardly shaped and not cute or cool. Except for this wiener dog. The dog is either insane, or has the largest pair of under clunder in canine history. Enjoy.

Monday, July 02, 2007

MySpam #9: "Cleanse Colon"

It's been awhile since I've found a piece of MySpam worthy enough to add to my list. Today I found a nice steaming pile of spam in my inbox and knew exactly where to shove it.

The email came from "Cleanse Colon" with a subject line of: "Cleanse Your Colon of Excess Weight." When I opened up the email, I found this awesome picture:

The funniest thing about this picture is not the fact that they're trying to sell pooping as a way to lose weight. But that is funny.

The funniest thing is that they photoshopped a thumb onto that lady's hand. Go ahead and make a fist like the nice lady in the photo is doing. Now try to somehow make a "thumb's up" like she is. It's not possible. And her thumb is gigantic. I hope they aren't suggesting you have to use a thumb when cleansing your colon. I'm sure this poor woman had no idea she would be used as an advertisement for a free colon cleansing, but you never know.

The bonus to this miracle pill is that not only will it clean out your colon of up to 20 pounds (I do this on a daily basis), but it also eliminates toxins. This is a fancy way of saying, "take a big fat dump to lose weight."

If I'm White Castle, I'm starting to get a little nervous. Somebody finally discovered the secret ingredient to Sliders and put them in a pill form.

Actually, it's probably not a pill, but I'm too scared to click on the link to see what they're actually selling. Probably just a giant thumb appendage.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Creative Advertisement

I don't watch a whole lot of TV, but when I do, I'm always amazed at how many crappy commercials are out there. They all just seem so ineffective. I realize that they must work on most people, because I know that tons of money is spent figuring out how to make people buy things. And these dumb commercials are the result of that research.

Maybe it's just because I'd rather be entertained than informed when seeing an advertisement or commercial. If I want to be informed, I'll do that research on my own. If you are giving information, at least try to present it in an entertaining way. Anyways, I just wish commercials were more creative and entertaining. And I'm convinced that car dealerships do not spend any time researching how they should do a commercial.

Anyways, I just came across this really creative advertisement and it sort of sparked all that. Nothing too special, which is why it boggles my mind that there aren't more of these. I don't even know what they're selling, but it mentions something about talktalk. That was enough to make me google it to see what they were about. See? Effective advertising.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Awkward Moments

I currently work in a building that has really long hallways. I often have to walk up and down these hallways throughout the day. The shape of these hallways creates one of the most awkward moments possible.

The thing about most awkward moments is that they get less awkward the more they happen. For instance, a first date can be pretty awkward. But the more dates you go on, the more comfortable you get. Or if it's awkward for you to poop in front of your wife, that usually goes away after about two weeks. Unfortunately, this awkward moment seems to get worse every time.

The hallways at work are extremely long and narrow (insert immature phallic joke here). And I work near the end of the hallway, which means I have to travel its entirety to get to my office. The problem is that I often cross paths with my coworkers many times during the day.

The awkwardness comes when I am aware of a coworker at the end of the hall and I know that he is aware of me. I'm faced with quite the dilemma:

a) Yell down the hall, "Hey buddy, how's it going?" and hope he can hear me.
b) Stare intently at the walls on either side as if there's something interesting going on there.
c) Duck into the nearest office and hope it's empty.

The problem with choosing "a" is that usually when people say, "Hey, how are you?" or "How was your weekend," or "Is your dad still on chemo?" they don't really care how you feel. I'm one of those people. I'm just being polite. These hallways offer way too much time for a coworker to answer that question and then go into detail about how they spent their weekend trying to sober up from that crazy Friday night they had Tiki Bob's. So there's no way I'm choosing "a." That just leads to more awkwardness.

The problem with "b" is that it's way too obvious that I'm trying to ignore my coworker. Usually if I start with "b," I end up realizing how ridiculous it is, then I'll raise a finger in the air and pretend I just remembered something and turn around to go back to my office, waiting for the coworker to pass. Option "b" never works.

The problem with "c" is that even if you have a 50/50 chance of an office being empty, it can create an enormously awkward moment during the times that you do rush into someone else's office and they stare up at you, waiting to see why you're in there.

So far the best thing I've come up with is to always travel the halls with a folder full of important papers. I can pretend to be absorbed by the folder's contents, until I practically bump into my coworker, give him a quick "Hey, how's it going?" and move on without listening to his response.

The only problem I'm finding is that it's pretty awkward to have to take a folder full of important documents with you to the men's room.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Another Addictive Game: Desktop Tower Defense

I meant to post this one on Friday, for some Friday happy fun-time. I guess Monday can be a fun day too though.

This game is one of the most addictive games I've ever played. At least as far as cheap online games go. I haven't played it in a while and I think they're up to a version 1.5 now. It's called Desktop Tower Defense, and you get to set up various defense towers that kill creeps before they make it to the end of the screen. It's weird a first, but play it a few times and you'll be hooked. If you're easily addicted to mind games (like me), you might want to wait till Friday, or whenever you really have nothing left to do for an entire afternoon.

Desktop Tower Defense

If you're still bored (which would be amazing), here are a few more of my favorite online games.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Battle at Kruger and Pissed Off Leopard

Alright, this is just because Brian requested it. Here are some animals attacking things. The first one is long, but worth the time. It's of a pack (pride?) of lions hunting a small buffalo. The buffalo's herd fights back, including one particular buffalo who is a stud. There's also a cameo by a couple of alligators who try to steal the lion's catch. This really is an amazing video.

The second video is just of a leopard who gets pissed off and fights back.

Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

Okay, this will be my last in immature animal humor. At least for a while. I think this video is funnier with the sound off, but that's up to you. This video is of a farmer being absolutely violated by a cow. The confusing thing is that they censored the cow's teets. Anyways, for some sick reason, I laughed at this. I hope to spread that joy.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Monkey Business

When I was searching for hippos pooping, I found a few other funny videos and thought I would share. The first video is of a monkey who casually eats his own poop. I think monkeys probably do most things casually, but it looks funny when it's with poop.

Then I found out that this wasn't the only monkey out there eating his poop. The next video is of a monkey who eats his poop, gets sick and pukes it up, then eats his poopy puke. Viewer discretion is advised.

Then those videos reminded me of one of my all time favorites. I remember seeing it before Youtube and all these other great video sharing sites existed. It's of a monkey who smells his own butt and then passes out. Watch his face. It's like for a split second he's amazed at the smell. Classic. "Oh no..."

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Congratulations, It's a Yssup!

Well, I seriously want to congratulate Joel and Tessi on their amazing news. Hopefully you've already heard, but they are expecting.

I like that if you put a period after "expecting," everyone knows exactly what you're talking about.

Anyways, they just got married like a month ago and now they're going to have a kid. That's just awesome. There's much I could say about Joel being a dad, but all I know is that he'll be great at it. So anyways, Congratulations you guys!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Hippo Poop

I've been trying to find a good video of this for a long time. Since I'm lazy and don't have time to write much, I'm choosing today to share what I think is one of the funniest things ever: Hippos pooping. I'm not sure why, but this just cracks me up.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Pan's Labyrinth: An Apology

Pan's Labyrinth is a great movie. If you haven't seen it, don't read any further as this post contains SPOILERS.

Right. So Brian wrote a little post on movies he saw and mentioned how he loved Pan's Labyrinth. I agree with him, but (like him) have also noticed that many people were disturbed by the movie, or just didn't like it. I am here to propose a defense of the movie, to the best of my abilities.

First of all, I'm not going to talk about the acting, cinematography, directing, and all that normal stuff. It was all really really great and everyone seems to agree on that point.

The first thing I'm going to talk about is maybe the most important character in the movie: The Faun.

I'm not going to go into the mythology of fauns or Pan, but you must have an understanding of that mythology to understand this character. When Ofelia first meets the faun, she asks him who he is. His response is important:

"Me? I've had so many names. Old names that only the wind and the trees can pronounce. I am the mountain, the forest and the earth. I am... I am a faun."

The faun represents nature. Not good or evil. The faun is used to present tasks to Ofelia, not to be a friend or redemptive figure. It is important to remember that the faun must remain ambiguous. If he were purely good, it would be too easy for Ofelia to trust him. Her actions would have no meaning and she wouldn't have to think for herself. The same is true if he were purely evil. The same would be true in this world, if things were unquestionably good or evil. Our actions would have no meaning. Make sense? And the faun is freaking awesome.

The first scene I want to point out is Ofelia's second task with the Pale Man.

This scene is important because it's the first time Ofelia disobeys the faun's instructions. The important thing to note, is that she disobeys twice: first, when choosing the door and then when eating the grapes. When she chooses the door, she ends up being right. When she eats the fruit, she brings about death. So, even though she disobeys both times, her disobedience doesn't bring the same outcome. It is important for Ofelia to learn to trust herself, regardless of the results. And the Pale Man is freaking awesome. (This info can be found in the director's commentary, which I highly recommend)

An interesting emphasis on that theme can be found in the doctor's last words:

"But captain, to obey - just like that - for obedience's sake... without questioning... That's something only people like you do."

The next thing that is often discussed is whether or not this world of Ofelia's is real or just imaginary.

I always want to believe it is real, in every fantasy story I read (e.g. Narnia) and I was happy to hear that the director agreed with me. Some people argue that every scene where the fantasy world interacts with reality can be explained through reality. For instance, the mandrake root that she uses can be seen in the kitchen. Or the fairy really is just an insect. However, there is no explanation for how she got into the captain's quarters in order to steal the baby. Not only that, but the captain finds and crushes the chalk. So, that scene is a pretty strong argument for the reality of the fantasy world.

Along with that (and this will be my last point since this is getting so long), this fantasy world obviously helps Ofelia cope with the reality around her. The same thing happens to the audience; as we watch more and more graphic violence surrounding the true evil in this movie (Captain Vidal), we beg for more scenes from the fantasy world. Many people argue that religion is just our way of coping with and explaining our reality. This fairy tale was Ofelia's religion.

In the end of the movie, she reaches her heaven. She trusts herself to know what is right- even though it risks losing everything she has dreamed and believed in. Many religious people do things for the sake of their religion, without questioning whether or not it is a good thing. I think that's the point of this movie (or at least an interesting topic that arises as a result). Ofelia is willing to die, because she knows it's the right thing to do. In the end, she finds that this is what was necessary; not blind obedience.

I could say a lot more about this movie, but I'm running out time and this post is long enough. Perhaps more will come out of the comments. I didn't have time to even touch on the non-fantasy aspects of the movie. Anyways, please leave a comment if you agree/disagree with anything, or if you have any thing else you want to talk about from the movie. I'm interested to hear more.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

"How to Dress for Success" or "Why I Hate You, Mr. Formal Business Man"

Photo was taken from this site.

I'm sure you've all heard how it's important to "dress successful if you want to be successful." Or "dress for the job you want, not the one you've got." Or "never wear black shoes with a brown belt." Or "pink is the new black."

Let me begin by saying that unfortunately, in our current society, all of the above statements are true. People have even done extensive research to prove this point (evidence here: Dress to Impress). I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you that it isn't true.

What I am going to tell you is that I hate this fact. I have never been comfortable in formal attire and that will probably never change. Take a look at those two guys in the picture above. Nobody is ever that happy in a suit.

The worst thing about this "appropriate business attire" is that people who work in virtual dungeons and never have contact with other humans are still expected to wear this hideous garb. We've given up comfort because some moron decided that you are more professional if you are wearing six layers of clothing and constantly sweating on your upper lip.

Well, I'm sick of it. I should be comfortable at work. You should be too. You want to know why so many people want to start their own business? It's not for the money. It's the idea that you can wake up in the morning and head to work in a mumu and nobody can tell you you're not professional.

I'm ready for a revolution! I'm too lazy to start it myself, but hopefully you aren't! If you don't get fired first, then I'll be right behind you! Vive la Revolucion!

As a bonus, we could also save the planet. See this story.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

LOLCats. What the...?

I have no idea how it happened, but somehow I found myself browsing through the website: icanhascheezburger.com. It's a site where they take pictures of cats (and other animals) and write up captions for the picture. This is apparently supposed to be either:

a) Funny.
b) Cute.

I found it neither. But for some strange reason, I couldn't stop looking at more pictures.

It didn't take long to notice that things were spelled wrong on purpose and with awkward phrasing. Here's a good example:

And another:

The first thing I thought to myself was, "Mai Gawd! They's awl be race-eests!"

It was at that point that I decided I was going to do a post to uncover how these cats were being made out to sound like Jamaican-Creole gangsters. I was going to post a bunch of pictures as examples and hopefully get the story picked up by a major newspaper and expose these people as the bigots they were.

Then I actually did a little researching on these cats and discovered once again that I am a moron.

LOLCats is actually a huge internet phenomenon that has been going on for quite awhile. Unbeknownst to me. I went to my old friend wikipedia, and sure enough there is an LOLcats wiki-page.

Most of the phrasing for these cats come from different types of internet slang. A few examples you might recognize are:

"I'm in ur base killin' ur doodz."
"All your base are belong to us."

Just find a picture of a cat and insert your own awkward phrasing. Here's one I just made up for fun. If I'm breaking a copyright law, please let me know.

Okay, so it's harder than it looks.

Anyways, it's amazing that this has caught on and become so viral. Seriously, if you spend a little time looking it up, you'll see that this stuff is everywhere. Even more astounding is that this type of language (the Jamaican-Creole gangster style) is actually being developed and debated upon. Some are trying to build it into a feasible programming language. My head is about to explode, so I'd better just stop there.

Here are some interesting links on the subject:

LolCode and Feline Dialectology: This is a linguistic buff's point of view.

LOLCode: These are the guys who are currently working on a programming language. It's either genius or insanity. I can't decide which.

lolcats2.com: This just has a ton of LOLCats.

Monday, June 04, 2007

God Hates Fags

I've been meaning to write about this for a long time, but wanted to make sure I had enough information to make an intelligent post. I'm glad I spent the extra time, because I think I would've been duped.

I'm sure the title has caught your attention, as this is a much debated topic and saying "God hates fags" is sure to raise a few eyebrows. Anyone who makes a statement like that needs to be ready for some controversy.

That's what I was thinking when I first came across the site, LoveGodsWay.org. In my browser (Firefox), this website's title shows up as, "God Hates Fags! Love Gods Way!" Two exclamatory statements that were sure to keep me reading.

The site goes on to explain how they are trying to help homosexuals who are looking for a "way out." Further exploration of the site reveals that "Christian youth expert" Donnie Davies has developed a program: C.H.O.P.S- "Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People." Donnie is a recovering homosexual who says,
Follow me and together we'll C.H.O.P.S away the Gay.

At this point, I started thinking that this site cannot be serious. I mean really, "CHOPS away the Gay?"

I found a link to a music video from Donnie Davies' band, "Evening Service." The name of the song is, "God Hates Fags." (video here) Not to be crude, but the video itself seemed pretty gay to me. I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. I was quite suspicious.

On the band's web page, I found the following quote:
Donnie clearly believes that "God Hates Fags" but he is also careful to mention that God hates everybody else too.

Now, I was fairly confident that this had to be a joke. That's when I found the picture that destroyed any doubts I had about this being a serious program. This page is from the Evening Service "Info" tab. It's a disturbing image of Donnie Davies wrestling with Satan, attempting to "Save you from Homo-Rock Bands." At first I laughed at this picture, but now I'm not sure what to think. For now, I wanted to warn you about the picture in case you might be offended. So, here's the link to that page.

I've come to the conclusion that this must be some kind of joke website that was set up to mock "super-conservative-Christian" rhetoric. The fact that I actually believed this could be real (and maybe it is?) is what scares me the most. If it is a joke, does that make it any less offensive? Are you even offended? Why or why not?

I guess I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I think about it and just wanted to see if anyone else had an opinion on the matter.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Friday Fun

I don't have the time or energy to write my own content today, but since I know most of my readers come here to be distracted from their everyday routine, I will leave you with some random/interesting things to check out.

What's your most embarrassing moment?
Larry Zierlein (who is the Pittsburgh Steelers new offensive line coach) accidentally emailed an "explicit sex video" to various NFL employees. As if that's not bad enough, one of the employees was NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Zierlein implies that he was trying to delete it, but I find that hard to believe. Without going into how wrong this is, I just can't imagine how mortified he must feel right now. Anyways, here's the story I read: Steelers' assistant apologizes for raunchy e-mail to Goodell, others

I have that sickening feeling that I just got screwed.
Edmunds.com is a great resource if you're thinking about buying a new car. There's an awesome piece they did, where they sent a guy to do some under cover car salesman work. It's extremely long, but well worth the read if you can do it. Check it out here: Confessions of a Car Salesman

Google knows what I want before I do.
Seriously, Google is amazing. I'm just now transporting all of my spreadsheets into Google, so the wife and I can both have access to everything. We already utilize their calendar and everything else. It's so easy and incredible useful. Google rules. Google Spreadsheets

This should be inspiring, but instead, it makes me feel worthless.

I really love the piano. I started playing about five years ago and I just love everything about it. Then I see stuff like this and it makes me want to quit. I wonder what it's like to be a genius? Amazing young piano players:

Embedding is not allowed on this last one, but if you liked the other two, this one's awesome. It's like my favorite piano piece: Chopin's "Fantasie Impromptu Op.66"