Why I Will Never Wear Pink.

I'm a fan of the color pink. I really can't think of any color that I don't like, and find it odd that there are people who don't like certain colors. I guess usually whenever somebody says they don't like a color, it's because it's on something. Nobody just says, "I hate green. Can't stand it. All blue and yellow mixed together and stuff. Stupid green. Wish the world would quit looking so green." Usually it's more along the lines of, "I don't like that pink shirt."


Which brings me to my point. I don't think I'll ever wear anything pink. And not because I don't like the color. As many of you may have noticed, pink has been making a comeback in men's fashion for a while now. I don't know why this is the case, but it is.


I used to think that the only men with true fashion sense were those of the homo persuasion. Any time I saw a man wearing a pink shirt, I just assumed it was super fashion, beyond me, and that this man must be spectacularly gay. Then it came to my attention that there was a new breed of man forming: the metrosexual.


I was informed that these rare breeds actually had a fashion sense AND preferred women. It seems a natural progression of evolution in retrospect, but at the time, this amazed me and totally ruined my ideas about which type of man could wear a pink shirt.

Soon I had friends showing up with pink shirts, looking fashionable, and I didn't know how to react. These guys weren't even metrosexual. I probably did as I always do in uncomfortable situations and started making fun of them. I realize now that this was wrong. I should have at least tried it for myself before making fun of others.

So I found myself staring at the pink, long-sleeve button up, hanging in front of a long line of pink shirts in the men's section of a popular clothing store. I glanced around to make sure nobody was looking and a nervous feeling started wrenching at my gut. I pulled the shirt down and went to the changing room. As I slid my arms through the bright pink sleeves, I swear my wrists came out limp on the other side. A quick glance in the mirror told me that I would never, ever...ever wear pink.

As a side note, it's interesting that you can wear a pink shirt and not be gay, but if it's any other article of clothing, you are fffffflaming. Pink pants = gay. Pink shoes = gay. Pink belt = gay. Pink scarf = gay. Pink purse = gay. Pink shirt = ?.

As another side note, how in the world did Pink ever get chosen to sing the Sunday Night Football theme? It's terrible! Whoever voted that one in should be fired. It was probably the same person who decided that every station had to have at least one female sportscaster on the field to give us injury updates and useless interviews with the losing coach right before halftime. And she has to wear terrible hats. Preferably pink.

Unfortunately, I'll be hearing lots of it this Sunday. Go Colts!