Thursday, September 14, 2006

Mind Control Powers? Count me in!

I got another spam email today that I thought I should share. First, let me show you what it said, then we can discuss it.

The subject line was, “Art, making others bend to your every will and wish?” Which isn’t really a question, but oh well- it was enough for me to open the email.

Inside I found this short letter addressed to me:

"Hey Art -

I finally completed my free 11-part e-mail course on
how to hypnotize(!) almost anyone, anywhere instantly -
for fun, love or profit... ;-) You can grab it today at:

http://ican'treallyreadmindsyoumoron.com

Who am I? Let me tell you, this 45-year old nerd from
California had not much going for him... until I dis-
covered these amazing MIND CONTROL SECRETS, known only
to the most successful people in the world...
If nothing else, grab my free e-mail mini course now!

Blessed Be,
Richard Bauman"


I haven’t checked out the site yet, because I’m afraid of unleashing some virus onto our network. I’ll let you know what it is if I do. But isn’t this letter just hilarious? I like how he tells me how to use my hypnotic powers, “for fun, love or profit.” As if I might not think to use them for that purpose.

I keep thinking of Obi wan in Star Wars when he uses his Jedi mind trick and says to the guards, “move along.” And they say, “move along.” I know you know what I’m talking about.

Then he goes on to say what a nerd he was with “not much going for him,” until he discovered “MIND CONTROL SECRETS.” I like how he shouts that to me. I feel like he's assuming I'm a nerd with nothing going for him. Hmm...lucky guess.

And then he reminds me that these secrets are known only to the most successful in the world. Duh. As if there would be any unsuccessful mind-benders out there.

Now we come to the best part: his sign off. “Blessed be…” Wow. Very spiritual.

The worst thing about it all is that if you had mind control secrets, why would you share them with anyone? Even if you could sell your secrets, there would be no point. You could just make someone give you money. After I realized this, I figured that this email is probably a scam. But I’m still anxious to check out the site. So I guess the email did its job.

I’m really starting to enjoy this spam stuff. It’s like those terrible commercials that are fun to watch, just to see how bad they are. Or like reading Ziggy cartoons. I hate them, but love them because I hate them.

Question for the day: What would you do if you had mind control powers?

If I find enough of these emails, I may turn it into a series. Here’s the first one I found on robbing banks.

4 comments:

Phil said...

Answer: Anything I want...probably just use it to get women though...or rob trains. It's been all too long since there's been a good train robbing.

I believe that the internet has been proven to be a very reliable source for information. When Mars looks bigger than the moon next year all of those doubters will get your comeuppance. To sum up my point, I will be using women to rob trains when Mars looks bigger than the moon, and you will not tell anyone.

Arthur said...

What if I was actually the one controlling your mind and you only thought you were controlling women to rob trains, but really I was only using you to get to your mom? I am Ron Burgundy?

amanda said...

your spam is much more entertaining than mine. i'm actually sort of jealous. i mean, it was funny the first time i got spam about erectile disfunction, but the daily dose of it has really lost its pizazz over the years.

anyway, i hope i'm not ruining the surprise, but that url doesn't work (nor does it work without the apostrophe). i'm actually a little heartbroken about this.

*sigh*

amanda said...

your spam is much more entertaining than mine. i'm actually sort of jealous. i mean, it was funny the first time i got spam about erectile disfunction, but the daily dose of it has really lost its pizazz over the years.

anyway, i hope i'm not ruining the surprise, but that url doesn't work (nor does it work without the apostrophe). i'm actually a little heartbroken about this.

*sigh*