"Delta Flight #44, You are now cleared to piss off."

I really don’t mind flying at all. In fact, I usually enjoy it. I’m never the guy who gets pulled aside for the “random” bag check. I don’t think I’ve ever missed a flight. And I can sleep anywhere, so I sleep through most flights. However, there were a few things that happened on my last trip that struck me as being utterly absurd. Or at least mildly annoying.

The first happened in Denver. As you know, we are no longer able to take liquids on our carry-on luggage. This is a huge problem for business travelers who are on the run and don’t have time to wait for checked-in luggage. It also really annoyed me, because we were forced to check in a bag just to bring a few toiletries. Okay, but here’s the absurd thing.

There was a girl about 14 years old who was eating a sub before the plane took off. She had a six inch sub and a small glass of water. The water was in a clear, see-through cup about the size of a Dixie cup. As she was boarding the plane, she was asked to throw the water away. After doing so, she was allowed to board the plane without anyone checking out the sub. That thing was big enough to hide a machete in. Granted, a 14 year old probably doesn’t have a knife hidden in her sub, but she also probably doesn’t have some kind of explosive in her cup of water either. Anyways, that just struck me as odd.

The next retarded thing happened in LAX. Delta flight #44. After boarding everyone onto the 757, the captain informed us that one of the lavatories was out of use. For everyone’s convenience, he suggested that anyone who needed to use the restroom should leave the plane immediately and use the restrooms in the terminal. This was absolutely ridiculous. For the next 30-40 minutes, people filed out of the plane and trickled into the strooms. By the time they got back, I had to take a huge leak. It was so stupid. This caused our flight to be about a half hour late, we barely made our connecting flight and our one check-in bag didn’t make it. I had to spend a day without my favorite sandals. And that’s really annoying.

Other than that, the flight was great. Oh and they make you pay for headphones now. That sucks.

Here’s my “if I were homeless” thought of the day: If I were homeless, I would go to the airport and steal the luggage that keeps going around the conveyor belt at baggage claim. There’s always two or three that nobody picks up.