Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Winter in Southwest Indianapolis

I heard the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" today, and it got me thinking. My first thought was that it is most definitely not the most wonderful time of the year. I had to scrape ice off my car this morning. I'm freezing in my office. Traffic keeps getting worse. Utility bills are going way up. I have two black winter coats that keep me warm, but only one pair of really comfortable brown shoes. I've also been informed that the brown shoes don't go with the black coats. So this is not a wonderful time of the year, and definitely not the most wonderful time of the year.

However, while strolling through my neighborhood, I discovered a few things that do make this time of year better than the rest. So although it may not be the most wonderful time of the year, here are a few reasons that it is a good time of the year. At least for those of you who live in my neighborhood:

1) All of those Christmas lights that you've left up on your house year round are finally back in season. Cheers to you!

2) That lawn that you've neglected to mow and those leaves that you've decided not to rake have finally been blanketed in a nice clean covering of snow.

3) The drug dealers who drive our local ice cream trucks have found other means of delivering their merchandise. This means we don't have to listen to the annoying jingles for at least another four months. "Hello!..."

4) Soon it will be cold enough to kill off half of the stray dog and cat population. This will mean less excrement on our sidewalks, less babies being mauled, and less of that all too familiar smell of cat urine on my doorstep.

5) All of the drunks living in the neighborhood who have lost their driver's license will finally feel the pain of having to drive their scooters through the snow. That'll teach 'em! Actually, no it won't.

6) It's getting darker earlier, so that means people are spending more time inside. This is good because I don't have to hear all the domestic violence that takes place. Only some of it.

7) The layers of fat on your body that has accumulated through months of time wasted in front of a television finally serves the purpose of keeping you warm.

Well, I'm outta time now. There are many more benefits, I'm sure. But these are the big ones for me. The most wonderful time of the year? Maybe not, but it's still a good time to be in West Indy.

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