Tuesday, October 10, 2006

"That boy shore is a runnin fool!"- One Way to Fix Fat America

Americans are fat. Fat and lazy. And we always want more of our most precious commodity: time.

While Jon and I sat around the campfire last weekend watching the kids play together, we found a solution to both of those problems. The interesting thing we noticed about these young uns was that they just run everywhere. It doesn't matter where they're going, they are running to get there. They ran just for the sake of running. So we starting thinking, "Why don't we run anymore?" I ask you the same question.

Think of the many problems this would improve, if not completely solve.

1) Annoying people who take to long to cross the street would get done faster.
2) Food service would be faster.
3) Nobody would look stupid running to catch a flight at the airport.
4) There wouldn't be that long awkward silence as you pass by the drunk who keeps begging you for money.
5) There also wouldn't be a need for the casual "How you doin?" and "Good Morning" that nobody is really sincere about anyways.
6) Pick-pocketing would almost cease to exist.
7) People would finally realize how useless the Segway is.
8) Women would be less likely to buy high heel shoes, which could have enormous positive repercussions on our quality of life.
9) Fat men (myself included) who sweat and are out of breath when ascending a flight of stairs would fit in.
10) Feel free to add your own to the list.

The long term benefits would be an increase in health and an increase in time. Which solves our original problem of Americans being fat and not having time.

Also, as mankind got faster and healthier, we would run for longer distances at a faster pace. This would mean eliminating taking the car on short trips to the grocery. Everyone would just own their own shopping cart and run the groceries home. That would cut down on our oil dependency and take money away from terrorists. As we evolved, we may even become faster than horses and eventually airplanes. I don’t need to tell you how great that would be.

The only problem I can foresee is that everyone needs to start running at the same time. I can’t be the only guy out there running, or that would just look stupid.


Phil said...

I would totally agree with you on this topic, but unfortunately you would be assuming that people would already be walking in the first place. Let's face it, I drive to your house and vica-versa. We live about 3 blocks away from each other. I wouldn't consider us outrageously lazy Americans. On the contrary, I would say that we are in the bottom 50% when it comes to laziness, but it just goes to show.

Also, we are very prideful people. By running everywhere we would have to give in and look silly. I don't know too many people (present audience excluded) that like to look silly. But, then again, if we can just make the first steps, so-to-speak, then maybe we can help the rest of the country lose some of its foolish pride. There's a good #11. Running will help country lose pride as well as fat.

Arthur said...

That's what I'm saying though- if we got to where we could run faster than getting in the car and driving somewhere, then we'd do it. Plus, if everyone was running, I wouldn't feel dumb and would run to houses in our neighborhood. I'm tempted to do it anyways. And good call on #11, I didn't even think of that.

Anonymous said...

Lets see... # 12. ummm, how 'bout the fact that it's pretty darn hard to smoke while running. Thereby doubling the health benefits of running for quite a few Hoosiers.

MikeS said...

I'd love to stop and comment, but I really need to run - Seriously though, I think you have a good point. Let me see - the last time I ran anywhere was when I was in the military. Um, that was quite a while ago. No wonder I have a few pounds to loose!