I got to thinking today, which is always dangerous, and I was trying to figure out why I enjoy worrying. Specifically, I was thinking about the Colts game again and all of the different ways they could win or lose and what might happen. It occured to me that this is a huge waste of my time and brain power. But for some reason, I really enjoyed it.
Then I considered the many other things I worry about and have no control over. Before I was married, I used to spend lots of time thinking about who I would marry, if it was someone I knew, where we would live, etc. Now I worry about if someone is going to break into my house, if my wife will die before I do, if our kids will be born as blind torsos, and if I'll ever figure out what I actually want to do for a living.
Now, I'm not sure if worry is the best word to use here. When I think of worrying, it's usually a negative word. For some reason, when I'm thinking of all these things over which I have no control, it's not the same kind of worry. I get an anxious feeling in my stomach and start imagining exactly how things would be and what I would say. For some reason, I enjoy doing this. I spend a lot of time imagining things that may or may not happen, and most of them are completely out of my control.
Why would I waste my time doing this? I have no idea. Maybe it's easier than thinking about things I can actually change and control. I'm reminded of Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He talks about your sphere of influence or something like that. I definitely spend a lot of time outside that sphere. What's weird to me is that I like thinking about that stuff for some reason. Why the heck is that?
It seems like I could be way more productive and influential if I would spend my time thinking about things I can actually do. Whatever. I have no idea what point I'm trying to make out of all of this. I just hope the Colts win tomorrow. That's all. Go Colts!