Monday, November 22, 2004

Hairy Men: Cheer it, or Shear it?

I hope you've all seen the Seinfeld episode where Jerry shaves his chest and is told by Kramer that it'll grow back twice as thick. If you haven't, it's hilarious. This is in fact a wive's tale as Jerry originally believes. Anyways, this episode is the unfortunate inspiration for this post. Reader beware: this post contains material that may upset your stomach and/or question your manhood.

I'm sure we've all had friends who have shaved their legs, or chest or back for one reason or another. I know swimmers who do it all the time. Oh, and I'm talking to the guys here. Of course we know women who shave their legs (hopefully).

This tale is my unfortunate encounter with someone who took shaving a bit too far in my opinion. It was a normal Friday afternoon in a college dorm like any other, where guys were finishing their last classes for the day, and preparing for a fun weekend to come. Myself and a few friends were in our dorm, when we heard a soft humming sound coming from the bathroom. We didn't think much of it, as there were many strange sounds that often came from this bathroom, and this particular sound seemed inoffensive in comparison.

Eventually I had to go use the little boy's room, and my life would never be the same. As I entered the bathroom, the humming noise go louder. I recognized the familiar sound of an electric shaver. Nothing wrong with that. But as I looked to my left, expecting to see a roommate cleaning up for the evening, I saw the raw backside "Steve." He was crouched in the corner with his back facing me, and he was looking over his shoulder like a little boy who's trying to hide something from his parents or something.

I said to Steve, "Steve. What in the name of all things holy are you doing?" Or something to that effect.
Steve: "Man, I'm just shaving my pubes."
Me: "Oh. Okay."
Right. So I went ahead and did my business, and left the room. As I told everyone else in the entire dorm what I had seen, we were all in agreement that this was not normal behavior. A few of us went back into the bathroom to confirm what I had seen, and to figure out why he was doing that.
Steve: "I've got a date tonight and you never know what could happen."
Oh, of course. Well, that explains everything. Okay, carry on then.
Well, we made fun of him for about a half hour or so. Then we made him sanitize the entire bathroom.

So now my question is: should Steve be considered a freak of nature? And believe me, he is, whether this instance warrants that definition or not. And also, shouldn't men just leave what God allows to grow alone? And also, what woman would Steve be doing this for? Don't answer that. Anyways, you don't have to answer any of these questions. I just thought it was a funny story. Please keep your comments as wholesome as possible.

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