"It's like wiping before you poop...It don't make no sense."

(Title quote from Larry the Cable Guy)

Once again I will tell a disturbing tale from a day in my life. Warning: The following topic may disgust some people.

I was with a few friends in college, and we got to talking (always a dangerous thing) about dumping. Well one of my friends, for whatever reason (I can't remember now), gave us a visual aid of how he wipes after he poops. He pretended to tear off a reasonable amount of toilet paper, then proceeded to stick his hand between his legs and wipe.

There was an awkward silence as a few of us tried to figure out what technique we had just witnessed. My friend started to go on with whatever story he was telling, and we were like, "Wait. Wait. Just wait a second now. How do you wipe?" He repeated his between-the-legs method, and I was shocked.

I had always assumed that all men wiped the same way: leaning to the side, and wiping from South to North. I tend to lean to the left, and wipe with the right hand. I'm not sure if that's universal, or if lefties do it differently. I had no idea that there were multiple methods.

Well, needless to say, we all started making fun of him right away. He tried to defend his method, but it just doesn't hold water. The main flaw in this method, for me, is that guys are blessed with "under clunder." It seems that "under clunder" would interfere with a clean wipe, and could get things messy. Also, I would think the hand may graze up against the rim of the bowl, which is to be avoided at all costs.

Anyways, so the whole event got me wondering if there are more methods. Another roommate of mine later said that he likes to wet some toilet paper to finish the job more thoroughly. At the risk of losing whatever integrity this blog may have had, I'm going to ask if anyone knows any other methods. What is your preferred method? Be creative, and have fun!

-Check out how this chick uses her toilet paper-