2 Months and Counting

Well, I've been married for two months now. I can't believe how fast the time has flown. It seriously feels like yesterday. But we've already started getting into a rhythm in our lives and it's kind of weird how normal it all feels.

After two months, I'd say the best thing has been just knowing wherever I am or whatever I have to do, I will always get to come home to the wife. We used to get anxious or whatever if I was going to be out late and we wouldn't have much time together in the evenings or something. But now, it's like we don't care. Probably cause she's getting sick of me already.

The hardest thing is learning what stupid little things I do hurt her. I'm talking about the little things that I think are nothing and don't even consciously do, but they add up and eventually we have to talk about them. I'm sure that takes a lifetime to figure out. Doing budget stuff has been difficult too.

The most interesting thing seems to be how much more I start to act like her. Maybe not so much when I'm around other people, but when it's just the two of us I start picking little things up and vice versa. Like the other day when she farted or when I sat down to pee. That never happened before. Seriously though, it's like when we're together, we have this third person that we both become or something. I can't explain it. I guess you'll just have to get married to understand.

I guess it's like that with anyone though. The more time you spend with someone, the more you become like them. Same with the music we listen to, tv, movies, books, whatever. That's why I need to remember to pray more often and go to services and read the Bible and other good books. Eventually that stuff has to rub off on you.

I'm just glad I married a woman who I love rubbing off on me. Err...

Terrible Lenten Poo?

This is gonna be gross, but I've got some problems. I'm Orthodox, as anyone who still reads this blog knows, and right now we're in the middle of Great Lent. So I've been trying to fast from meat and dairy with the rest of the Orthodox nation. I'm guessing and hoping that my problem stems from this and not from some permanent change caused by getting older or being married or something. But seriously, my dumps have reeked lately.

I had to use the bathroom at work today and luckily it's the kind where you can lock yourself in. Seriously, if I was just in a stall and others were using the room, I would be mortified. I found myself just sitting there amazed, wallowing in my own filth, and disgusted with myself. I've never thought my own refuse smelled this bad before. You know how you can tell when it stinks, but it's just kind of funny or whatever, cause it's your own work? This was beyond that. I was getting nauseous and literally gagged at one point because it was so bad. And I'm not just saying that to be funny.

I'm a bit concerned. I really enjoy going number two. It's a whole relaxing experience for me. It's frightening to think that I might dread having to go into that smell again. Oh man, I can't imagine that. So anyways, in another 30 days or so we'll see if it's permanent. It sure smells like something rising from the dead. For now I will try to use it as yet another reminder during this time to pray and think of what this season is truly about.

How much crap do you have to sell to cover it up?

So I was in Brown County this last weekend and had a fun time staying in a cabin with the in-laws playing pool and ping-pong and Yahtzee, and we went to Nashville, IN to look at the little shops and stuff. If you've been, you know how it is, and if you haven't, I'm sure you've been to a similar place. It has tons of little shops that have been around forever and sell a variety of different knick knacks and candies and art and so forth. So anyways, it's always fun to go through these shops on a nice day with a few friends.

Well, while we were going through them, I got to thinking about how much utter crap was out there. I often think this when going shopping at a Wal-Mart or any store really. They have just a ton of stuff that can't possibly be sold. I mean a ton of it. So what the heck happens to all of it? And how much of it do they have to sell to cover buying all that crap? It really is amazing. Maybe I just don't realize how much junk people really do buy. I don't know. But it seems like they would be forced to just throw most of that stuff away. I don't see how they stay in business. Anyways, just a thought for the weekend.

The best shop was J Bobs and we tried some of that Ass Kickin' Hot Sauce. I think the actual name of our brand was "Sphincter Shrinker" or something like that. It threw Jon into a coughing fit and I was too scared to try more than a bit on the tip of a toothpick. Good stuff.

Mushroom Head

I just showed a little girl how George Washington's head can be turned into a mushroom. It's a little trick I like to show kids, cause they ususally get a kick out of it. This girl was no exception. She literally cracked up when she saw his face disappear and a mushroom grew right before her eyes. It was hilarious to see her get so worked up about such a simple trick (and if you want to know how to do it, let me know and I'll tell you for a small fee).

So what's the point? The point is that I could care less about a stupid mushroom head, and you're probably thinking the same thing. The only reason I show it to kids is because I can still remember how funny I thought it was when I was a kid. So I know I can connect with them through that trick. The question is when and why does the trick stop being so funny?

Seriously, if I were to show this to an adult, they would not be the least bit amazed or even slightly amused (well, maybe slightly). Why is that? Why can't I just run around playing tag in the backyard with my wife and think it's like the best time I've ever had? Why am I not entertained by that stuff anymore?

Anyways, I know the answer to all these questions, so don't feel the need to respond. I've just been reminded of how the small things in life used to be so great. So cheers to the little guys and girls out there who still think it's magic to see George Washington's head turn into a mushroom.

"You can only dangle the carrot for so long before the donkey remembers who he is..."

That's a little quote I came up with to describe my feelings about my current (and past) work situation. It could be used in a number of circumstances, but for now I'll just write about work.

Really, I don't want to write about work. I'll just write about my little quote (you can tell I'm proud of it). You know that old saying, or fable, or whatever it is about the farmer (or something) who dangles a carrot in front of the donkey to get him to keep going? Yeah, that's me. But I'm not the farmer. There are so many things (well some) that I just keep doing and keep trudging through, because of that stupid carrot that I keep expecting to finally eat. It never comes though. That's the whole point. I'm willing to do so much based on hope. And that really is a good thing and is the foundation of most religions and many other great things. Without hope, why would we do anything? But I'm tired of it at work.

And the problem is that they can keep doing it. They dangle it in front of me, until I realize I'll never get it, then they just dangle it in front of the next donkey until he's tired and broken. Damn the man!

I work hard for the next shiny carrot and things go good for awhile, but sooner or later I take a minute to remember who I am... Just an ass. (no really, I am)

Well, the phone's ringing so I gotta go. Maybe it's the boss calling about that raise........................................................................
................................................................nope, it wasn't.