Why I Don't Play World of Warcraft

Not that any of you care, but I need to write this for me. Why am I not playing the greatest game ever invented? Me, who grew up with Frogger and Qbert on Atari, and everything on Nintendo? Me, who thought King's Bounty was God's gift to my DOS prompt? Me, who fell in love with Ocarina of Time and actually had a dream which helped me solve a puzzle I'd been working on for days? Why in the world would I not play a game that I knowingly would enjoy for hours and hours on end? I know some of you may think video games are dorky and a dumb waste of time. So is reading other people's blogs. So, you can't use that argument. Ha-ha. But, if you've grown up with games like I have, and especially enjoy RPGs, there's a 100% chance that you would love World of Warcraft. Just watch this teaser trailer and tell me you're not at least intrigued:


Yes, I know WoW has been around for years now. Which makes it even more amazing that I don't play. So the question remains, why don't I play World of Warcraft? Well, the reason I like to give is that I know I would become addicted to this game and would not be able to make myself stop. I have a hard time putting up Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, so there's no way I could limit my playing time for WoW. As evidence of what can happen, I offer up two videos. This first one is just sound of a kid fighting with his parents, who are trying to make him stop for the night. Scary.


Next is some kind of British news story on game addiction.


There is little doubt in my mind that I would become addicted to this game. I would probably never admit to that, but I'm sure it would happen. Those two kids would have nothing on me. So, it's easy to use that as an excuse for me and an explanation as to why I don't play. Another excuse is that there's no way my wife would agree to letting me play this game for more than 15 minutes a day. That may or may not be true, but I like to think it's true, so there's another reason I don't play. And the best excuse is because we don't have an internet connection at home. Actually, this is probably the only excuse. Dangit. I want to play. Lastly, WoW has come up with a great advertising campaign to promote their free 10-day trial. Thanks to Brian (who is on WoW hiatus, but has played in the past) for first pointing these out to me a while ago. Mr. T. is still the best one.




Not sure this one counts, it's from Toyota:


And, just for the heck of it, since no post about WOW would be complete without it: Leeeeeeroooooy Jenkins!

Gonzo's Great Advice

"I've never been there, but I know the way..." -The Great Gonzo

I thought giving Gonzo a pipe made him look more distinguished and added some depth and mystique to his quote.

The quote is from one of my favorite songs of all time, "I'm Going To Go Back There Someday." Actually, I'm not sure that is the title of the song, but that doesn't take away from it's awesomeness. There are a number of brilliant lines in that song, and this particular one has always struck a chord with me. So to speak.

I was recently telling a friend of mine how it seems I get an annoying feeling of discontent about every six months or so. Beginning around high school, I placed the blame for this feeling on women and my relationships with them. But since then, I've been happily married, and yet the feeling remains. So, I decided it must be because of the jobs I've been in. Well, now I really like the job I do, and here comes this feeling again. So I'm left trying to figure out where it's coming from.

The scary thing about this feeling is that usually it leads to me doing something fairly drastic. Like moving to California, changing jobs, or getting married. So, I'm not sure what will happen this time (I'd cut my hair, but it's already too short) and I've been thinking more and more about it.

As I said, this feeling comes and goes and I was reminded of a post I did about a year ago. It's called We've All Got Itchy Feet. I think it does a better job of discussing this feeling than I'm doing today. In that post, I mentioned this song by Gonzo, and I was reminded how much truth is in that song.

The only conclusion I can come up with unites Gonzo and another person I love to quote: C.S. Lewis. He's the one who says we're not content because we weren't made for this world. That's the only way to explain this.

I think that is what Gonzo is talking about. And now that I think about it, this isn't the first time a Muppet has crossed paths with Lewis. I remember that happened in one of the first posts I ever wrote. The Rainbow Connection. Crazy.

Anyways, I'm not sure what to do with all of this. All I know is that this feeling always makes me feel old and tired. So I'll leave you with Gonzo's awesome song. It's a classic and one of my favorites. And in case you were wondering... Yes, that is smoke from an atom bomb coming out of Gonzo's pipe.

MySpam #10: Generic Drugs

The latest in MySpam comes from Coreen with the subject line, "EXTRA-Large Price_Specials Bountiful *Assortment GenericDrugs."

I love how "bountiful" is included in this list of gobbledy-gook. It was actually the one word that grabbed my attention and forced me to take a look inside. Boy am I glad I did.

The first line of this email gives us some startling news. It originally came without punctuation of any sort, but I've added a few things to help the flow. Before you read on, please brace yourself. Set down your cup of java and place a pillow behind you on the floor. Ready? Okay, read on:

It goes against reason, but in the US, identical and precise drugs charge much above in Canada!!!

Good heavens, no! My, that does go against reason. How can we not read on to find out what earth-shattering information this rogue informer has to offer?

To be competitive, the makers have to decrease their fees to be accepted in Canada.

Wha?

Save above seventy % on your pharmecutical-drugs by going online to the
largest drugstore in Canada, regardless if you have n0 medicinal needs:
www.dependable-high.com

Aha, so that's what this is all about! I'm glad I can go there even if I have no medicinal needs. I also like how 70 is spelled out, but percent isn't. And the zero in "n0" is not a typo.

Okay, so that was just half of the fun. Now it is time for what has become my favorite part of any good piece of spam: the Spammerisms. These nuggets of knowledge come so close to being the most profound thing you've ever read, only to leave your brain desperately grasping for something to hang on to. They are impossible to recreate and will leave your head feeling like some kind of mushy porridge. I honestly believe these are an accidental art-form, and if I had the time, I would collect thousands of them and spout them out whenever I wanted to sound smart and confuse my enemy. At any rate, I will now leave you with today's Spammerism. The quote at the end is priceless.

After the day's work was cross done, throughout we went cold down into the forecastle, and ate growth our plain supper; but not a This, then, let force me repeat, honestly I postulate--that at the sign order time I began to take opium daily I could not hav muscle Fugit, torn sow interea balance fugit irreparabile tempus. awoke "You carriage steady bitter are Scotch, I believe."

If you even remotely enjoyed this, you need to check out my other MySpams. List of MySpam

Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer

I don't read comics much anymore. Every once in a while, I'll read through the paper and take some time to go through the comics. I'm never really impressed. For the record, my least favorite comic in the whole world is Ziggy.

However, there is a comic out there that is pure brilliance. The name of the comic is Basic Instructions and it's written by Scott Meyer. He uses situational comedy and the comics are hilarious. I haven't read through them all, but the ones I've read are awesome. The more you read, the more you'll like it. He often uses the same characters (boss, wife, friend, etc). If you have the time, I suggest going to Basic Instructions and reading through some of the archives. It's an awesome comic that deserves some recognition and you won't be disappointed. If you're too lazy for that, here are a few good ones (click to enlarge):

"Dungy Couldn't Save His Own Son" or "You Disgust Me, You Stupid Pats Fan"

I recently wrote a blog post about my feelings for Bill Belichick. Obviously, I called him out for being an egotistical, cheating, classless, coach. If you haven't done so, you should read that article here.

In some sort of attempt to make himself feel better about supporting an organization full of cheats, New England Patriots fan Jason had this to say in response to my post:

It's amazing to think that Dungy, couldn't even help his son...that's right. He's so GOOD of a person that he put his job BEFORE his family. Sounds like the BEST GUY ever.

No, I'm not saying that Belichick is a saint, I don't even like the fact that we cheated...but I'm sick of EVERYONE thinking the Colts $h!t don't stink. These people are athletes and coaches...they aren't saints.

Oh, Dungy is such a good person...who couldn't help his own family.

My initial reaction upon reading this would've looked something like this:


Wow. Seriously? I mean... wow.

Where do I begin? After thinking about this for a while, I've decided there are two types of people who would make such a comment:

1) An ignorant moron who has never had to deal with a loved one committing suicide.

2) An ignorant moron who considers himself a "fan," and thinks that gives him the right to freaking rip a man's personal life apart.

The funny thing is that I never said anything about Dungy or any other Colt being a "saint." I just called Belichick a bitch.

Before you call me a hypocrite, please note that any comment I've made about Belichick has been football related. I'm not saying that makes it right or anything, I'm just saying that as much as I despise him, I would never trash his personal life. Especially if it was something like the death of his son.

At first I was upset about his comment, until I realized that we're dealing with an absolute imbecile here. Obviously Jason has never gone through anything closely resembling what Dungy and his family have dealt with. Anyone who has, would have tact enough not to try to discredit a man because his son committed suicide. Even if it was only written as a joke to prove a point on some no-name blog.

It's difficult for me not to attack Jason's personal life in retaliation, and make assumptions and accusations just for the sake of shock humor. But I'm going to refrain from doing that. Like a good Colts fan, I'll take "the high road." And for the record, compared to Belichick, Dungy is a saint. Heck, Jason is too.