Monday, January 10, 2005

Some People are Just Assholes

Well, I had a really good weekend: the Colts spanked Denver, I'm almost finished moving, I got to play some poker again, and guys group was great as always. But something stupid happened, and I was surprised to find out how upset I got for like twenty seconds.

Saturday morning we got like three inches of wet snow here in Indy. It really was incredibly beautiful, because the snow found a way to stick to every branch and fence and telephone wire. So everything was covered in white, and it just looked awesome.

Well, I went out to shovel the walk, and was amazed at how well the snow was sticking together. It would've been perfect for a snowball fight, but since I was by myself, I decided to make a snowman. This is something I haven't done in a long time, and the snow was just perfect for it. So it took about a half-hour to built a five foot snowman. By the time I was through, I was too tired to bother giving him a carrot nose, or coal eyes, or a hat. But I was still proud of my creation.

So anyways, he was still standing guard in the front yard Sunday morning when I left for church. But as I made my way home, I could tell from half a block away that something had gone terribly wrong. It was warming up and the snow was melting, but I knew ol' Frosty was big enough to last through at least another day. So I wondered why I couldn't see him standing there anymore. When I got closer, I saw his frozen, molested body lying helpless on the ground.

He was still intact, but had fallen over backwards. At first I thought that maybe he was just a little top-heavy and had fallen down. But as I leaned in close to whisper a few parting words, I noticed a size twelve footprint imbedded into his chest. I couldn't believe it. What kind of sick man (because it was a large foot) kicks a snowman down? And why? How in the world could a snowman offend someone to the point where they feel that it must be destroyed? He didn't do anything wrong. And who doesn't like to see a snowman in a yard? I finally realized that some people are just assholes and do stuff like that because they have small penises.

Then my thirty seconds of anger was up, and I just kind of laughed at the whole situation and at myself for having gotten upset at it. I can always make another snowman. I guess that guy can always get some Enzyte.

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