Boom Goes the Dynamite

Here's a classic for you. Good ol' Indiana home-grown talent.

Ball State news reporter Brian Collins gives us the sports beat. Pay close attention to the Pacers highlights. That's where Brian really gets into a groove and unleashes the now infamous phrase, "Boom Goes the Dynamite."



I think his boyish looks are just perfect.

After you've enjoyed this a few times, try listening to it while reading the transcript. It's somehow even funnier. Good stuff.

Boom Goes the Dynamite- with transcript

Then I also found this video, which shows the publicity Collins received and also reveals where he came up with his ingenious catchphrase. I won't spoil it for you, but it's pretty much the best possible story.

Awkward Moments

I currently work in a building that has really long hallways. I often have to walk up and down these hallways throughout the day. The shape of these hallways creates one of the most awkward moments possible.

The thing about most awkward moments is that they get less awkward the more they happen. For instance, a first date can be pretty awkward. But the more dates you go on, the more comfortable you get. Or if it's awkward for you to poop in front of your wife, that usually goes away after about two weeks. Unfortunately, this awkward moment seems to get worse every time.

The hallways at work are extremely long and narrow (insert immature phallic joke here). And I work near the end of the hallway, which means I have to travel its entirety to get to my office. The problem is that I often cross paths with my coworkers many times during the day.

The awkwardness comes when I am aware of a coworker at the end of the hall and I know that he is aware of me. I'm faced with quite the dilemma:

a) Yell down the hall, "Hey buddy, how's it going?" and hope he can hear me.
b) Stare intently at the walls on either side as if there's something interesting going on there.
c) Duck into the nearest office and hope it's empty.

The problem with choosing "a" is that usually when people say, "Hey, how are you?" or "How was your weekend," or "Is your dad still on chemo?" they don't really care how you feel. I'm one of those people. I'm just being polite. These hallways offer way too much time for a coworker to answer that question and then go into detail about how they spent their weekend trying to sober up from that crazy Friday night they had Tiki Bob's. So there's no way I'm choosing "a." That just leads to more awkwardness.

The problem with "b" is that it's way too obvious that I'm trying to ignore my coworker. Usually if I start with "b," I end up realizing how ridiculous it is, then I'll raise a finger in the air and pretend I just remembered something and turn around to go back to my office, waiting for the coworker to pass. Option "b" never works.

The problem with "c" is that even if you have a 50/50 chance of an office being empty, it can create an enormously awkward moment during the times that you do rush into someone else's office and they stare up at you, waiting to see why you're in there.

So far the best thing I've come up with is to always travel the halls with a folder full of important papers. I can pretend to be absorbed by the folder's contents, until I practically bump into my coworker, give him a quick "Hey, how's it going?" and move on without listening to his response.

The only problem I'm finding is that it's pretty awkward to have to take a folder full of important documents with you to the men's room.

ABC's and XYZ.

I can't remember the day I first learned my ABC's. I'm sure it was through that wonderful little tune that was stolen from "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." Actually, I don't know which one came first. Kind of like rap songs (and others) these days. They steal from old good stuff and soon people don't even realize that they didn't invent it in the first place. As if Vanilla Ice could really come up with that bass line.

Anyways, I do remember the first time I learned about the XYZ's. I was in second grade and some random girl came up to me and said, "XYZ!" She then ran off to a group of other girls and they all started laughing. After a while I saw that they were pointing at my crotch. "XYZ?" I thought to myself. "eXamine Your Zipper!" Someone yelled. Sure enough, there was a gaping hole in my jean shorts, revealing the Scooby Doo undies hidden underneath. It was embarrassing enough that I can still remember the moment to this day.

Unfortunately, to my great surprise, it was not mortifying enough to leave a lasting impression. This morning, after having gone through a meeting, playing three games of ping pong, and having numerous conversations, I looked down into my lap and realized that I had indeed forgotten to "XYZ." Or "XMZ" as the case would be. I have no idea if anyone else noticed, because luckily enough, most of my co-workers have maturity beyond that of a second grader.

I however, do not. That is why you are reading about it here. The question of the day is, would you tell someone to "XYZ" if you noticed? It's one thing to point out food in someone's teeth, this is something totally different.

My Boxers are on Backwards

Dangit! This morning I went to the restroom at work and after a frustrating struggle to find the hole in the front of my boxers, I realized the problem. They were on backwards. It's really not that big of a deal, I just panicked a bit there in front of the urinal. It didn't last long, and I'm not sure why it freaked me out, but there it is. So anyways, I can't wait to get home and fix things. This is far worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

8utth01e69?

This is disturbing and yet hilarious, so I thought I'd share. To protect the innocent, I won't tell you where I work. I'm assuming the chances of this person ever reading my blog are fairly slim. And I don't know their name.

I was just informed that one of our sales guys had to get into a client's account for some reason. In order for this sales person to get into the account, he needed his client's username and password. I don't know the username, but the client's password was "butthole69."

This is disturbing, until you try to imagine the conversation that took place in order to garner this information. Then it becomes hilarious.

I would list a few possible conversations for you, but it would probably be inappropriate and I'm sure you can come up with your own. There's plenty of material here for you.

Just remember that no matter how secret you think your password may be, there is sure to come a time when you'll have to share it with someone. And that someone will more than likely share it with his entire office. And someone in that office will more than likely have a blog. And that blog will more than likely contain a post that shares your password with the entire world. That is all.