Life in the Shadows

The Dark Knight Rises and The Hobbit Trailers

2011-12-21T08:58:00.005-05:00

Wow, so two movies that I'm super excited about just released their trailers. So far, seems like they won't disappoint. Interesting that both trailers feature songs being sung a capella by characters in the movie. Whatever, just enjoy:

Michael Myers Halloween Scare Prank

2011-11-01T13:19:00.005-04:00

Few things are more fun than scaring someone. It's literally one of my favorite things to do.

Almost as fun is watching someone else get scared on video. This clip I am about to share is 12 minutes of glorious scare pranking. I only wish I had somehow been involved.

Hopefully it doesn't get taken down before you get a chance to see it. Some guy dressed up in a Michael Myers outfit and hid around a movie theater scaring all the patrons.

It's worth every second of the 12.38 minutes, but if you only have 15 seconds to spare, skip to the 12:00 mark. If you have a minute and a half to spare, add the 3:12-4:30 portion on top of that. It's an epic confrontation.

Warning: there is NSFW language in this clip.

I don't know who made this video, but if I ever find out, I'll be sure to share it with you. The guy playing Michael Myers does a great job of doing scary stabbing motions with his arm. I think my favorite thing is when someone will get scared of him standing there, thinking he's fake, then get even more scared when he stabs at them.

And if you enjoy watching people get scared as much as I do, here's an added bonus:
Scaring Little Kids

Penguin Thief

2011-10-21T11:49:00.002-04:00

Hilarious criminal penguins clip from BBC One's Frozen Planet. Be sure to watch all the way to the end.

Best Illusions on the Internet

2011-10-06T17:17:00.003-04:00

I've decided to compile an ongoing list of the best illusions on the internet. Be sure to let me know if you come across any awesome illusions, so I can add them to the list.

I divided them into two easy to find sections: Optical Illusions and Auditory Illusions. Seems like those are the only two possible illusions, but the internet is a crazy place, so you never know.

OPTICAL ILLUSIONS

1) Black and White Castle Illusion

We'll start things off with a fun little video displaying the optical illusion known as "Chromatic Adaptation." The image of a black and white castle will be magically filled with natural colors, right before your eyes. Amazing!

2) The Hollow Face Illusion

The Hollow Face Illusion, or Hollow Mask Illusion, is where the inside of a mask looks like a normal face. Or to put it into scientific mumbo-jumbo, "the perception of a concave mask of a face appears as a normal convex face." Apparently we're so used to seeing normal faces that we just can't make sense of it any other way.

This first example is my favorite video of the Hollow Face Illusion. This guy does a good job of explaining the effect while it's happening. Plus he has a British accent, so you feel smarter after listening to him:

Hollow Face Optical Illusion - Charlie Chaplin

Another cool example of this illusion is the Gardner Dragon. As a bit of history, this paper dragon was created by Jerry Andrus as a part of Gathering for Gardner.

Gathering for Gardner Dragon

As an interesting side note, if you are schizophrenic, you won't be fooled by the hollow face illusion. See this article for details: Hollow mask illusion fails to fool schizophrenia patients

If you want to see plenty more examples of the hollow face illusion, just click here.

3) The Checker Shadow Illusion

The Checker Shadow Illusion is a popular illusion created by Professor Edward Adelson at MIT. Believe it or not, the squares labeled "A" and "B" are actually the same shade of gray. Below are a couple of cool videos that demonstrate the effect.

Checker Shadow Illusion Revealed Using Photoshoop

Checker Shadow Illusion Revealed Using Life-Sized Model

AUDITORY ILLUSIONS

1) Shepard's Ascending Tone

We'll start of the sound illusions with a fun little video that shows an example of Shepard's Ascending Tone. Listen to the video as the tones appear to "creep up" the scale. Wild and crazy stuff!

2) Falling Bells Illusion

For this illusion, you need to be wearing headphones. I guess you don't have to wear headphones, but it's better if you do. The bells will sound like they're falling all around you. And that the tones are getting lower and lower, but really they aren't. It's a mindblow for sure.

3) The McGurk Effect

Anything I could possibly explain about the McGurk Effect can be summed up in the following video. It's quite the informational treasure trove.

I'm also throwing in the following video of the effect, because it shows the "ga ga ga" sound. First, listen to this video with your eyes closed. I think most people hear the "ba ba ba" sound. Then play it again and watch it. You should hear "ga ga ga."

4) The Virtual Barber Shop

This next illusion is one of my absolute favorites. You definitely need to put on headphones for this effect. It is a demonstration of stereo sound, and you'll be able to hear sounds in space as if they are actually moving around you. The best way to explain it is to say, it is awesome!

5) Phantom Words

This next auditory illusion is actually kinda creepy. Apparently all that is playing is meaningless noise. However as you listen to that noise, your brain will start to pick out words and phrases to make sense of everything. The weird thing is that these words will start changing. I hear different words all the time. It's a weird feeling.

Bonus "Brain Game" Footage:

Thanks to Brian for pointing these out. Nat Geo has a program called Brain Games, and they pretty much cover everything in this post. So, if you still haven't gotten your fill of illusions, I'll add episodes as I find them. Enjoy!

Brain Games - Watch This

Brain Games - Pay Attention

Brain Games - Remember This

Guy on a Buffalo

2011-09-19T10:10:00.009-04:00

*UPDATE* Episode 4 is out (thanks Possum Posse for stopping by to comment)! I'll just keep adding them to the bottom of this post as more episodes come out.

So I was meandering through the internet and came across this video:

I thought it was hilarious. Well it turns out the footage is actually from a real movie that came out in 1978: Buffalo Rider. So then I found the original trailer to Buffalo Rider.

Well things got even better, because Buffalo Rider is now part of the public domain, and you can enjoy this amazing movie in its entirety, absolutely free!

Anyways, the point of this post is for you to watch the Guy on a Buffalo clip, cause it's hilarious. Looks like it's Episode 1, so we can only hope that there's plenty more Guy on a Buffalo to come.

Also, it's genius, because first the guy came up with his own theme song for Buffalo Rider. Then he took clips from the movie and turned the song into a literal version. That's just brilliant.

As an update, I found out that the genius creator behind Guy on a Buffalo is Jomo Edwards of the band The Possum Posse. Be sure to go over to their site and send them some love, cause this stuff is hilarious.

Episode 2 (Orphans, Cougars & What Not)

I think I like Episode 1 better than Episode 2, but this one doesn't disappoint. I still haven't watched the whole movie, and it's way more entertaining this way. Can't wait for the next one!

Episode 3: Finale Part 1 (Origins, Villains & The Like)

So episode 3 just came out, and to everyone's horror, it's titled "Finale." The good news is that it's only part one of the finale. Hopefully there are 20 parts.

Episode 4: Finale Part 2 (Rehab, Vengeance & What Have You)

Well, sadly the day has come. It appears this will be the final episode. It was a good run. Thanks for all the memories Guy on a Buffalo!

Best Piano Covers of All Time

2011-09-11T12:40:00.004-04:00

So this post is basically a place for me to house my favorite piano covers. I'll be updating this post as I find them. Perhaps you'll enjoy a few as well. If you have any recommendations, I'd love to hear from you.

Jonathan Wey (aka: JWey or "The Tickler") - NFL Medley
This is one of my favorite piano covers ever. Unfortunately, it's not the greatest video of the song, because there's lots of background noise and drunken Colts fans. There's a good chance our performer may also be slightly intoxicated. It's also an unfinished piece, so hopefully someday The Tickler will take the time to finish the song, and then do a proper recording.

This medley is a genius blend of all the major NFL themes from various networks throughout the history of the NFL. JWey is a composition master who should really have all of his various off-the-cuff medleys recorded somewhere for all of us to enjoy. For now, this clip will have to do.

Viktoriya Yermolyeva (aka: Vika) - Master of Puppets in Zurich
Vika is a beast of a pianist. She's a classically trained Ukranian who decided to bless us all with tons of sweet cover songs. She covers all kinds of music; from metal to rock to alternative, etc. Her phrasing is seriously amazing. That last sentence is a nice rhyme, but I have no idea what it means.

It was a tough job, but I picked out a favorite to share. Hopefully it will inspire you to check out her other cover songs, because they are probably the best on Youtube. Here's a link to her channel: vkgoeswild. My favorite Vika cover song is Master of Puppets, and she played it on a grand piano in Zurich.

The Blindfolded Pianist - Super Mario Medley
I first saw this video 8 years ago on eBaum's World. At the time, Youtube did not exist and watching homemade videos online was new and exciting stuff (see here). This video amazed me. Eight years later, I'm still amazed. It's a long clip, so if you don't have time, skip to 9:14 and watch his left hand move like a freaking hummingbird.

Stewart Bozarth (aka: stewboz83) - Baba O'Riley
This is probably my current favorite piano cover. Mostly because it's such a great song to begin with. It's not as technically impressive as Vika or the Blindfolded Pianist, and the vocals are kind of a letdown, but I absolutely love this cover.

World's Largest and Smallest Stop-Animation Shorts

2011-09-09T17:53:00.001-04:00

Just a couple of fun stop-animation videos. If you're interested, be sure to take the time to watch the making of videos for both. Good stuff.

Dot

Dot. The Making Of.

Gulp

Gulp. The Making Of.

Normal Guy, Normal Walk: Going to the Store

2011-09-08T08:18:00.001-04:00

Umm.....

I think my favorite is the walk he uses going into the parking garage.

Cat Walking on Two Legs

2011-08-11T08:19:00.001-04:00

Kinda funny, mostly creepy:

Bike Lane

2011-06-15T08:17:00.001-04:00

Guy gets a ticket for not riding in the bike lane. Makes a video to prove a point. Hilariousness ensues:

Proper Urinal Etiquette

2011-06-10T08:40:00.009-04:00

The other day I ventured into the restroom to relieve myself of some liquid waste. There were three urinals lined up next to a single stall. An elderly gentleman was already stationed at the urinal on the far right. Following proper man-law, I positioned myself in front of the urinal on the far left.

Things were moving along quite well, when I noticed the elderly gentleman was no longer keeping his head forward and his eyes up. I could feel him looking at me. I froze like a deer in headlights. My mind was racing to figure how to handle the situation, when the man broke the awkward silence.

"Those are nice shoes." Yeah right. My shoes are two years old and horribly scuffed up.

Again, I was unsure how to handle myself. Speaking of which, I had finished my business, but was too afraid to move. In a matter of seconds, my brain whipped up a response that would both establish my sexual preference and deflect the compliment away from me. "My wife picks out all of my clothes; she'll appreciate the compliment."

He responded with a comment about his own wife, which diffused the situation. I was able to zip up and we bantered at the sink for a few moments and continued about our day. When it was all over, I reflected on the whole scenario and figured that perhaps not everyone is aware of standard "Proper Urinal Etiquette."

(Thanks to Phil for the pic!)

To begin, I consider Proper Urinal Etiquette to be a subsection of man-laws. It's something that should come naturally to all men. It is an unwritten code that all men know and follow. When proper etiquette is not followed, chaos ensues. The entire vibe of the restroom is thrown off and nobody can perform. You might as well leave and try again later.

The following is by no means an exhaustive list. Some situations just cannot be planned for, and you'll need to follow your instinct. If this list comes as a surprise to you, then please don't follow your instinct. And for the love of all things holy, learn how to behave at a urinal!

Proper Urinal Etiquette

1) The One Gap Rule. When possible, always leave at least one urinal empty between yourself and the occupied urinal. Take the urinal that leaves the widest gap possible, while keeping in mind that there also needs to be an available gap for the next guy.

2) The Head Forward Rule. This is the Golden Rule of Proper Urinal Etiquette. When occupying your urinal, there is absolutely no reason for you to turn your head. All of your attention should be directed at the business in front of you. The only exception to this rule is when an entertaining advertisement has been provided up on the wall. In this case, if you turn your head, be sure to over-exaggerate keeping your head up.

3) The Don't Talk To Strangers Rule. Urinal stations are not country clubs or chat rooms. You're not there to make new friends. When a man stands in front of a urinal, he has one thing on his mind. Chatting him up should be the last thing on your mind. Pretty much any rule you learned about strangers when you were a child can be applied to urinal etiquette. Don't take candy from them either.

4) The Keep Your Pubes In Your Pants Rule. I have no idea how so many pubes find their way onto the urinal. It's gross and we don't need reminders that you were there. If this is a problem for you, just use the stall instead and flush your hairs down the toilet.

5) The No Dumping Rule. This may seem to be an obvious rule. However, I have seen it before and consider it a major faux pas.

I hope this list helps. Be sure to play The Urinal Game below and test your skills on urinal etiquette.

Also, this picture was taken in the same restroom that I had my encounter in. Notice the sign and the automatic flushing urinal:

Homeless People Secretly Living In Your Attic

2011-05-16T13:16:00.009-04:00

Have you ever had the feeling that you might have a ghost living in your house? And that it steals your clothes just to mess with you? Or maybe you have food in your pantry that seems to vanish. Well, it may actually be worse than ghosts. You could have a homeless person living in your attic.

To be honest, I don't know if that's worse than ghosts. But it sure is messed up.

Recently, I've done quite a bit of research on the topic. That means I did a google search for "secretly lives in attic." In my studies, I have found three actual cases where this happened. I was so amazed, I had to share. So here they are, in order from: "That's messed up" to "dude, shut the eff up, there's no way that happened, and if it did, it must have happened in Japan."

The Story of Miguel Lua

(Miguel Lua's "Attic-Home")

Our first story is a classic, "crazy-stalker-creepy boyfriend goes nuts on his girlfriend" type of case. Apparently, Miguel Lua is the jealous type, so he decided the best way to keep tabs on his ex-girlfriend would be to hide out in her attic for a few days. The article I read refers to her as Lua's "girlfriend," but they also mention that she had obtained restraining orders against him. So, I'm going out on a limb and at least giving her credit for breaking up with him. Here's the creepy highlights from the article:

"One of our deputies actually crawled up into the attic and found him in there hiding under some insulation and evidence appears he had been there some time, there were several burnt candles that were fresh, a Pendleton jacket, and some shoes, appeared he been staying up there on and off for who knows how long."

The girlfriend first thought something was out of place when she noticed her cell phone was missing.

MacKenzie says, "The scary part is he came down sometime during the night to steal her cell phone while it was charging to go through it to see if she had been calling any guys or new boyfriends."

Lua faces a stalking charge, violation of the restraining order, and burglary charge.

Source: TodaysTHV.com

The Story of Stanley Carter

Meet Stanley Carter. In December of 2008, he had himself a Merry Little Christmas in the attic of the Ferrance family in Philadelphia. Stanley spent about a week in their attic. Below are the article highlights, followed by a video newscast that covers the whole event pretty well.

Homeowner Stacy Ferrance said: "When he came down from the attic, he was wearing my daughter's pants and my sweat shirt and sneakers. "From what I gather, he was helping himself to my home, eating my food and stealing my clothes."

"When we were going through the inventory of what he did take, we found a note labelled 'Stanley's Christmas List' of all the items he had removed from the residence and donated to himself," said Plains Township police Officer Michael Smith.

His attorney, public defender Basil Russin, said Carter, "He was very peaceful up there and kept to himself."

Sources: Police Oracle
Chron
16 WNEP

The Story of Tatsuko Horikawa

The most ridiculous story is unsurprisingly from Japan. What makes it amazing is that this 58-year old woman lived in another man's closet, unnoticed... FOR A YEAR! The homeowner got suspicious after food was disappearing from his kitchen. He then installed security cameras, and noticed images of someone going through his house while he was gone. Here are the highlights from the article:

“We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide,” Itakura said. “When we slid open the shelf closet, there she was, nervously curled up on her side."

The woman told police she had no place to live and first sneaked into the man’s house about a year ago when he left it unlocked.

Police suspect she might have been closet-hopping, moving from house to house.

She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and apparently even took showers, Itakura said, calling the woman "neat and clean."

Sources: MSNBC
Breitbart

Bonus Homeless Person Story!
I also came across this creepy video of a guy who claims to have caught a woman hiding in his closet. The only reason this isn't included in the above list is that some claim it is a hoax and I couldn't find any news articles verifying the story. Still an entertaining video:

Frank Abagnale: Catch Me If You Can

2011-05-12T14:08:00.000-04:00

Came across this video of Frank Abagnale giving a brief synopsis of his life. The dude was a crazy genius. Ran away from home at age 16 and made millions forging checks and identities for the next five years or so. Watch his story in his own words, it really is an amazing story.

Talking Funny: Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Ricky Gervais, and Louis CK

2011-05-11T15:22:00.000-04:00

Talking Funny is an HBO special where Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Louis CK, and Ricky Gervais sit down together and talk about being comedians. It's one of the more interesting things I've seen in a while, so I thought I would share.

The entire special is around an hour long, so view it in chunks if you don't have the time now. There's lots of funny stuff in there, but honestly, the best part is listening to some comic geniuses discuss their craft. See if you can pick out the least experienced comic. As a warning (or a bonus?), there is some NSFW language and crude subject matter. Hope you enjoy:

The Euthanasia Coaster

2011-05-06T13:11:00.003-04:00

Suppose you could choose how you wanted to die. What if one of your options was death by roller coaster? Imagine slowly moving up the lift to a height of 1,673 feet (almost the same as the Sears Tower). This climb would take about two minutes, which is plenty of time to think back over your life. Then there's a ten second drop where you reach a top speed of 220mph. After this drop, you enter into seven consecutive loops where you experience 10g, and eventually pass out (G-induced Loss Of Consciousness). Except that you pass out permanently.

Julijonas Urbonas designed the "Euthanasia Coaster." It is "engineered to humanely – with elegance and euphoria – take the life of a human being." Apparently, the loss of oxygen to the brain creates a state of euphoria and then the passenger just loses consciousness and dies. Not a bad way to go?

At any rate, the coaster is purely hypothetical and will probably never be built. I just thought it was extremely interesting (although sort of sick and morbid), so thought I'd share. Below is a quick video of Mr. Urbonas explaining the design.

If you're still interested in more, here is a link to his site where he goes into all the details about the "Euthanasia Coaster." It really is interesting if you can get past the purpose of the whole thing: Euthanasia Coaster

And for fun, here's a video of a pilot experiencing GLOC:

Movie Review: Thor

2011-05-04T08:14:00.002-04:00

You may be thinking, "How can you be writing a review about a movie that hasn't come out yet?" The answer is: I won tickets to a pre-screening of Thor! Suckers!

No, but really, I got to go to a screening of Thor last night. Here's a few things I learned if you ever get tickets to see a blockbuster movie before it's actually released:

1) Get there early. They overbooked the theater, so even though people had tickets, a lot of them didn't get in. Below is a fuzzy picture of the people who didn't get in. I heard there was over 77 of them.

2) Media-types get the best seats in the house. The best three rows in the theater were all reserved for the media. Ah well.

3) Movie theater security guys live for these nights. Seriously. Our security guy was a super hero himself that night: directing traffic, giving speeches, and threatening patrons with obscure theater laws.

4) You can't take pictures in the theater. Apparently, there's a $25,000 fine. Even if nothing is up on the screen and the photo is taken of the audience. And you can't see anything in the photo.

5) Oscar the Grouch t-shirts are unbelievably awesome. See above (click picture for close-up).

Thor Review:

I'm not a movie buff by any means, but I watch a ton of movies and know a good movie when I see one. Thor was a lot of fun and is pretty much everything you might expect of a comic book movie.

I should mention that I know nothing of the history of Thor; either from Norse Mythology or comic book lore. So, my take on this movie will probably differ greatly from anyone who goes into it with these predispositions. (Kind of like how I ripped apart Prince Caspian because it butchered the book version)

Here's just a quick list of things that stood out to me:

1) The comic relief in this movie is well done. It doesn't feel forced and isn't over the top and for the most part it is actually funny.

2) Stan Lee's cameo was a sweet addition.

3) Anthony Hopkins is awesome, especially with a golden eye-patch.

4) They did a good job of giving enough background to tell the story. The story is easy to follow and could've been bogged down with details.

I really only had two complaints. The first complaint is that I officially do not like 3D. It was cool in Avatar and can work in animated movies, but it adds absolutely nothing to a movie like Thor. There may have been two scenes where there was a broad background and it was neat to feel the depth of the scene. Other than that, it was just a nuisance. Action scenes are difficult to follow and it just gets annoying. I hope 3D is a novelty that eventually wears off, because it seemed like it made this movie worse. If you haven't seen the movie yet, just see it in IMAX or whatever. Don't waste your money on 3D.

The other thing that didn't make sense to me had to do with the story line. WARNING: SPOILER ALERT. So there's the rainbow road and everybody is running around it the whole movie. Then at the end, apparently it's extremely dangerous if you fall off of this road. What? Shouldn't they have built a railing or something? And aren't they gods anyway? Then when Loki does fall off, he just appears again at the end of the movie. So either Loki has some magic that prevents him from forever floating through the universe, or falling off of this ledge isn't as permanent as they make it look. Just seemed like a weak way to end the battle or whatever.

So there's my two cents on Thor. Lastly, a big thanks to The Film Yap for giving away the free tickets. Also to Indianapolis Bloggers for bringing my attention to the contest.

Korean Kids Playing Guitar?

2011-05-02T12:10:00.006-04:00

So I just saw the video of the five Korean kids playing guitar. If you haven't seen it, here's the clip;

I think the most amazing thing is that people actually believe these people are in kindergarten. There's no way. Those "kids" are at least 30.

To prove my point, I just did a google image search for "80 year old Korean." Here's the picture that came up:

See? Koreans are ageless. If you see a Korean, he could be anywhere from five to five hundred years old. You just never know. So when I see a video of a group of Korean "kindergartners" playing guitar, my BS sensors go crazy and I see it for what it really is: a group of highly trained 30 year old Korean guitarists. Nothing special at all. Except for their Korean agelessness.

In other news, did you know North Koreans are banned from making international cell phone calls? I feel so sorry for their citizens.

The Angry, Barking, Demon Cat

2011-04-23T00:50:00.005-04:00

I'm currently in law school and in the midst of studying for finals: the stress-filled time where I try to learn in three days what I was supposed to have learned in three months.

Meanwhile, a friend asked my wife if we would take care of his cat, Thumper. Being the kind and hospitable woman that she is, she agreed. Of course, she would happen to be out of town the entire week the cat was with "us."

So Thumper showed up and I set out his litter box and cat food, thinking this was all that was needed to take care of a cat. After a long day of studying, I was exhausted, so I went up to bed.

Just when I was about to fall asleep, I heard an ungodly scream. It sounded like demons were outside the door, raging at me. After calming myself down, I realized it was Thumper: the angry, barking, demon-cat.

I soon realized that there was no way to shut this cat up. He would settle down for a few minutes, but every time I was about to get some sleep, he raged. My simple solution was to shut him up in a room where I couldn't hear him. Problem solved.

I woke up the next morning and went to see how Thumper was doing. He greeted me with a few familiar barks and then ran downstairs to his food. Following him out the door was the stench of kitty poo. The damn cat pooped on our brand new carpet.

I spent the next few restless nights waking up in terror at the barks of Thumper the demon cat. I was too scared to lock him up, lest he exact revenge with his kitty poo. Finally my wife got home and laughed at me. She was smart enough to get out a camera and record his howls from the netherworld.

Right now, you're probably thinking one of two things. Some of you are thinking, "Awww, that poor little kitty is just lonely. Kitty just needs to be petted." If you are, then you are a sweet and kind person with a gentle soul and you probably have flowers somewhere on your blog. You see the good in everyone and give homeless people money. You're the type of person I wish I could be.

The rest of you are probably thinking, "Oh Shit! That demon cat is possessed and barking! That's hilarious!" You're the type of person who laughs at other people's misfortune and makes fun of your friends who blog. The good thing is that you can find humor in almost anything, even in the worst imaginable situation. You're the type who would procrastinate by posting about barking demon cats instead of studying for finals.

At any rate, here's to Thumper: the angry, barking, demon cat. You annoy the hell out of me, but thankfully, I'm the type to think that's funny.

The New Indianapolis Bloggers

2011-04-13T11:48:00.007-04:00

I'm writing this post to let everyone know about the newly updated Indianapolis Bloggers. They make you write up a post to join, but it's for a worthy cause.

Indianapolis Bloggers is a place for people to go get a taste of the different blogs from people living in the Indianapolis area. If you're a blogger in Indianapolis, you should definitely consider joining. If you live in Indianapolis and are just curious to see what's out there, you should go check it out. If you just want a place to find new blogs, you should go check it out.

They also make posts about events and activities in the Indianpolis area. So if you have something going on and want to get the word out, they can help with that. Or it's a good site if you just want to keep tabs on special events in the area.

Okay, well, hope that piqued your interest a bit. Go take a minute to check it out and tell them Arthur sent you. Go Colts?

Indianapolis Bloggers linky

Proof that Mary Kate and Ashley are Racist

2011-04-12T14:02:00.001-04:00

A Trio of Videos That Made Me Laugh

2011-02-14T09:46:00.006-05:00

So I thought I'd share.

The Harry Baals Government Center in Fort Wayne
Pretty childish humor, I know. But it's still funny:

Epic Wrestling Move: Hypnosis
This is the most awesome wrestling match you will ever watch. Ever. Be sure to watch around the two minute mark for the big man's awesome moves. He does the forehead slide.

Serene Branson Report on the Grammys
The more you watch, the funnier it gets. Simply amazing.

Being nervous is a helluva drug.

Indy ScreamPark

2010-10-13T20:14:00.015-04:00

Indy ScreamPark boasts of 5 terrifying attractions all housed in 1 location. Unfortunately, the most terrifying thing about the scream park has nothing to do with its attractions.

I've broken this review down into 3 easy to read sections: "The Attractions," "The Price," and "The Horror."

THE ATTRACTIONS

Bedlam 3D

Bedlam 3D is a neon-filled funhouse with a few mad-clowns thrown in to scare some folk. They pass out those cheap cardboard sunglasses and let you wander through bright rooms lit with blacklight, so it feels like the walls pop out at you. It's a fun little attraction, but not very scary.

There were only two highlights here for me. One was the crazed clowns in their cages. The cages were set up so that you had to keep turning in loops, and you never knew where these guys were going to be able to jump up next to you. Clowns really do scare me, so I was a bit biased here.

The other highlight was the vertigo/vortex/spinning room (or whatever you call it). These things seem mandatory in any haunted house these days, but they're still pretty cool. Here's an example:

Kurayami

Kurayami was my favorite attraction. Supposedly, "kurayami" is Japanese for darkness, and that's all this one is. You wander around in pitch blackness and every once in a while someone will throw a Snap-n-Pop at the ground to scare you. That this was my favorite attraction should tell you a bit about the rest of the park.

Nachtmahr

Apparently, things are much scarier if you take common English words and translate them into the language of old WWII axis powers. Following that theme, Indy ScreamPark brings us Nachtmahr. "Nachtmahr" is German for nightmare. Scaaaary.

This attraction was just a classic haunted house. It was themed in some sort of castle style, with lots of old scary people and zombie-types. Just think, "Okay there's five mannequins and I know one if them is about to jump at me." That's pretty much the whole attraction. Here's a picture of some of the zombie-types.

The biggest problem with this one was that we went through long stretches of hallway where nothing happened. I kept waiting for something to jump out of a corner or a wall or something, but there was just nothing. We even had time to run through the hallways ourselves, trying to scare each other. It was like they were just short staffed that night or something. Speaking of which, Indy ScreamPark is hiring actors if you're interested: Job Hunting

Backwoods

Backwoods is one of two outdoor attractions at Indy ScreamPark. The theme here seemed to be walking through the woods in the middle of an inbred, Virginian hill-jack town. And all of the residents like to capture and torture any visitors who happen to wander through their woods. And all of their victims happen to be girls who spend their days being mutilated and shot with staple guns.

Honestly, this attraction goes more for the disturbing visual scare over the jump out of the dark scare. You are given a glow stick and told to walk along a trail that leads through the woods. Obviously, it's best to do this attraction after dark. The trail leads to various shacks and outhouses, filled with scenes of gore and violence. Then there's the token guy with a chainsaw at the end. That's about it.

Dark Harvest

Dark Harvest is a corn maze. That's all I know about it. Read "The Horror" to find out why. As everyone knows, wandering through the corn is always scary, so this may have been a good attraction. Here's an example of what may be there:

THE PRICE

Sunday & Thursday = $20
Friday & Saturday = $25

VIP Sunday & Thursday = $30
VIP Friday & Saturday = $35

You can also save by getting a group discount, or on the VIP passes by buying tickets online. See Here. I cannot recommend this highly enough: BUY THE VIP PASS!!! Seriously, just think of it as the normal price. See "The Horror" if you want to know exactly why.

There was also a $5 parking fee, that I don't believe is mentioned anywhere on the website. For $5 you get to park in a huge field. It would be really scary to see what happens to that field when it rains.

The "Monster Midway" has a few overpriced games. Shoot the ball 20 feet into the under-sized rim for $3.00. Or Zombie paintball, where you shoot at zombies with a paintball gun. They also had beer and probably some other beverages. Bring extra cash if you get thirsty/hungry.

THE HORROR

The most horrific thing that happened during our visit to Indy ScreamPark involved waiting in line at Backwoods. We had already gone through the three indoor attractions and decided to save the corn maze for last. So we hopped in line at Backwoods.

We get in line, and there's no way to see how long we're going to have to wait. After about 10 minutes in line, we ask one of the girls working there how long the wait will be. She says 20 minutes. 20 minutes later we ask again and she says 40 minutes. Here's a tip: If you don't know how long a wait is going to be, don't just pull numbers out of your bunghole.

When I went to the front to see what was taking so long, I was told they were letting the VIP line in at a ratio of about 2-3 groups for every one general admission group. This was happening even though there was literally no VIP line (they were just walking right through and into the attraction), and the general admission line was one and a half hours long. It was incredibly ridiculous and frustrating. We tried voicing our opinion to several of the staff members there, but unfortunately, all of the staff were high schoolers who appeared to be winging it on their own. Although it is much needed, I doubt there is a standard policy on how to work the VIP line. Needless to say, our concerns fell upon deaf and prepubescent ears.

Then when we finally got into Backwoods, there was more ridiculousness. Although they let in 5-6 people at a time, it doesn’t take long to catch up to other groups. So by the time you get to the last shack, there are 20 or more people trying to get in at the same time. If you’ve ever been to a haunted house, you know how frustrating it is to walk into a room after “the scare” is over. When we got to the end, the guy with a chainsaw was already out in the open just walking up to everyone. It was much more humorous than scary.

Again, it just felt like they were understaffed. They should have had people at different stations throughout Backwoods to slow down traffic and make sure each group got to experience “the scare” in every shack.

It was just a huge disappointment and the experience at Backwoods literally ruined the entire night for us. It took so long in that line, that we didn’t even have time to try out Dark Harvest. It was a pretty big bummer since we had tried to “save the best for last.”

So to sum it all up, if you decide to go to Indy ScreamPark, get the VIP pass. You’ll be miserable waiting in line if you don’t. This park will probably be a great place to visit in the next few years when they figure out how to properly run a “theme” park. In the meantime, you can probably find better ways to spend $35.

Links:
Indy ScreamPark
Fox 59 Story

***Disclaimer - I was given one free general admission ticket for writing this review.

Three Videos Involving Animals

2010-09-08T07:05:00.000-04:00

One of these years I'll do a real post again. In the meantime, here are three videos I've seen over the past few months that I enjoyed.

A Deer Steals Man's Wife

Inception Cat

Hero Dog

Three (Non-Political) Signs the United States Has Declined Beyond Recovery

2010-03-30T08:51:00.006-04:00

I'm proud to be an American. And then, sometimes not.

1) Doga. We're in a recession, yet still have time and money for this garbage? Sigh...

2) Justin Bieber. He is one of the most popular artists alive right now. And his new hit features Ludacris. In case you missed it, that's irony right there.

3) Scarface School Play. And then there's this. Of all the hundreds of classics you could teach your children.... I just have no words. See for yourself.

Death Metal Rooster

2010-01-19T09:53:00.000-05:00

Look At This Duck

2009-08-05T03:46:00.000-04:00

Thought this was really funny just now. We'll see in a day or two.

Sony Bravia Advertising Campaign

2009-07-23T04:12:00.001-04:00

Recently I came across another great advertising campaign. I'm not sure why I enjoy advertising so much, especially since I hate literally 90% of commercials out there. And usually if I like a commercial, it's because it was funny and maybe had nothing to do with the product being sold. Rarely do I enjoy a commercial that tries to be serious or "artsy." Sony Bravia somehow made this work.

I've thought a bit about why it works, and I'm still not entirely sure. I have no background in psychology or advertising, but there's probably some theory or popular template and these commercials follow or something.

I do know that I like the "improv everywhere" sort of feel to them. They take a place that is ordinary and familiar and do something extraordinary with it. It's like they play off our desire for things to be new and exciting. Like when you're a kid and everything you learn is amazing and entertaining, but somehow we get old and forget how to play. That's seriously what these commercials feel like.

Anyways, enough babbling, enjoy a few rare memorable commercials. I've only embedded three of my favorites, although there are a few more. The bouncy ball one is the best. I swear miles of rolling hills and thousands of bouncy balls would be like heaven to me. Great song choices in these too, by the way.

New York with Clay Bunnies

Glasgow with Paint

San Francisco with Bouncing Balls

More Sony Bravia Commercials and Behind the Scenes Stuff:

India with Dominoes

Pyramids with Spools

The Making of Bouncy Balls

The Making of Glasgow Paint

The Making of Clay Bunnies

The Top Ten Recut Movie Trailers

2009-07-09T07:36:00.000-04:00

Now here's a top ten list I've been meaning to do for a long while. I've put together what I believe are the top ten recut movie trailers. There are many to choose from and it was difficult to sift through them all, but in the end, I'm happy with this list. Most recuts out there would fall within the bottom three of this list. So, if you only have time to look at a few of these, make sure you spend your time in the top five. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

10) Sleepless in Seattle: Horror Recut

This recut is one of many that takes the obvious route of turning a comedy into a horror movie. The reason it actually cracks the list, is because the editing is fairly well done and it isn't just a jumbled mess of clips set to scary music (like many similar recuts).

9) Office Space: Thriller Recut

Number nine on the list takes the same idea a bit further, with more of an arc to the trailer. This one is better because everyone is so familiar with the scenes in Office Space (no seriously, everyone). That makes it better when you see them out of context. I really hate that I had to spell that out for you.

8) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Drug Baron Recut

This trailer gets bonus points for being creative in its choice of genre. Instead of taking the obvious route of turning a family movie into a horror flick, this recut makes Wonka out to be a drug lord. The results are fantastical.

7) Jaws: Love Story Recut

This recut is titled, "Must Love Jaws." It is one of the best horror turned love story recuts (second only to #2 on this list). Great choice of music in this recut. At first I didn't like the ridiculous ending to this trailer, but the second time I watched it, I found it hilarious.

6) The Dark Knight - Toy Story 2: Trailer Mashup Recut

This next trailer is actually one of my favorites, even though it's toward the middle of the list. Some genius took the audio from The Dark Knight trailer and set it to scenes from Toy Story 2 (and at least one scene from the first Toy Story, but still). The mashup comes together perfectly. In case you need it, here is the original Batman trailer:

And then the mashup:

The next three trailers are pretty much a tie. Whoever came up with this concept first deserves the most credit, but I have no way of figuring that out. The hilarious idea is to take a random movie and set it to the theme from Brokeback Mountain. I know, you're already laughing. It is that funny. There are enough of these trailers out there to make a separate top ten list, but these three are best. Ladies and gentlemen: The Brokebacks.

5) The Brokeback Redemption

4) Planes Trains and Automobiles: Brokeback Recut

3) Brokeback to the Future

The last two recut trailers on this list are in a league of their own. They were both among the first recuts ever made, which gives them bonus points. They are also the epitome of turning horror into comedy and vice versa. These are the two that every other recut is trying to equal. But they can't.

2) Shining

1) Scary Mary

Well, that about does it. If you enjoyed those, feel free to look for more. There are tons out there. For more recut trailers click the link below. Add your favorites to the comment section. Or leave a comment just for fun. It'll encourage me to actually blog again.

More Recut Trailers

Steve Porter's "Press Hop"

2009-06-29T05:44:00.000-04:00

Steve Porter put out a new mix and it's just as awesome as the last two. In this one he mixes up some press conference interviews. Mostly Iverson and some Mora, and a few randoms thrown in. Anyways, it's awesome and anything including Mora's "Playoffs?" quote is worth watching.

If you like coach tirades (including the 3 featured in this video), take the time to check out a top ten list:

Real Clear Sports Top Ten Tirades

And here's a link to Porter's "Jam Wow" and "Rap Chop:"

Link

The Best and Worst of Local Television Commercials

2009-06-12T04:31:00.000-04:00

With the dawn of television, the commercial became the most effective advertising tool known to man (based on a recent study at Harvard). Absurd amounts of money and resources began to flow into advertising. Ad wars exploded between fast food chains, beer companies, car manufacturers, soda pop makers, and whatever category Nike and Reebok fit into. We were a nation of consumers glued to our couches and there was only one way to get us to buy.

During this commercial boom era, something slowly and magnificently began to emerge from the shadows. An art form sprang forth, understood only by those with the tightest of budgets. It was the local television commercial.

Barely equipped with their shoe-string budgets, local businesses decided to join the battle for America's attention. Armed with nothing but a lively personality, local business achieved some of the greatest feats in advertising history. Today, we will look at just a small sample of the greatness that is the local television commercial. Hopefully at the end of these Magnificent Seven, you will grow to appreciate this tidbit of Americana.

Don's Guns: Indianapolis, IN
"And remember folks- I don't wanna make any money, I just love to sell guns."

Since I live in Indianapolis, I thought it would be fitting to begin with this city's greatest local commercial advertiser. The man, the legend: Don Davis. Anyone who grew up in Indy knows who Don is. There's an image implanted in my brain of Don Davis shooting me with his finger and laughing that creepy laugh of his. Here's an image ripped from the front page of his web site:

That there pretty much says it all.

Unfortunately, the internet fails when it comes to providing quality Don's Guns commercials. However, I did find two. This first one is pretty standard for Don's commercials. Here, he's offering up gun rentals:

This next video takes us back a few decades. This one is more in line with the average local commercial. Trying to be funny and gimmicky at the same time. I love the brilliant "old man" joke in this commercial. It's an old man joke, because all old men have a grab bag full of these kinds of jokes and they're only funny if an old man says it. Props to a younger Don for trying to pull this one off:

Did you notice the marquee scroll across the top of the commercial? "Don's Guns...voted WORST LOCAL TV COMMERCIAL...Indianapolis Magazine- 1984 and 1985..." Got to love a guy who proudly displays that within his commercial. (I tried to confirm that statement, with no luck.)

For what it's worth, I did consider Watson's in the running here ("That's Watson's!"). I also thought of Bob Rohrman ("Bob Roooooooarman") and Blossom Chevrolet ("Lordy, they're good people). I just think Don's got them beat pretty solidly.

Having dealt with my own local TV commercial giant, it's time to take a gander at what the rest of this country has to offer.

These next couple videos represent what I think is the bread and butter for local television commercials. It's the typical commercial that tries to use humor to sell a product. After viewing, you and your friends sit in silence for a minute before looking at each other and cracking up.

Pizza-N-Go: Lawrenceville, PA
This first one takes a simple formula: Show your staple product in the background. Then add something ridiculous in the foreground that people will laugh at. It's nonsensical and out of place for the product. Humor sells, but you'd better be sure that what you're doing is humorous before placing all your eggs in that basket.

So here we have a white guy dancing and not-quite rapping and somehow this is supposed to make you want to eat a pizza. It's great as far as local commercials go, but can't be doing much for product recognition:

Georgia Car Credit: Moultrie, GA
The folks at Georgia Car Credit took things a little further. They were able to tie in their "humor" with the product. In this commercial you have a white person acting like a pimp who gives credit to the masses. He is aptly dubbed the "Credit MacDaddy." It's one of many attempts by white America to adopt the "hip-hop" culture, in a playful way. It's "funny" because white people can't rap or dance. It gets approved by upper management, because older white people think it's really funny when white people act and speak in ways that they think are "ghetto."

There's something terribly wrong watching the whitest of white folk act this way. Even when they're blatantly trying to be funny. That almost makes it worse. Anyways, it makes for a great local commercial that I'm sure everyone in Georgia just loves. They even throw in some slapstick humor with the ol' pie-in-the-face gag:

This next video epitomizes everything that a local commercial should be. They use what I call the Four Basic Building Blocks for Local Television Commercial Success:
1) In-house actors
2) Catchy music
3) Memorable Quote
4) Humor

If you throw those four factors into any local commercial, you will have guaranteed success. However, this next video also includes the elusive "Fifth Factor" that takes a good local commercial and turns it into something special. See if you can find what it is.

The Red House: High Point, NC
Rather than take the all too obvious gimmick of white people acting black, the folks at the Red House take the higher road. We've come a long way in this country and it's time to realize that we're all a part of the same culture. The Red House asks the question, "Can't we all just get along?" and answers with an emphatic, "WE CAN!"

Let's run through our Four Basics as applied to this commercial.

1) In-house Actors. Check! With Bighead and Ten Gauge stealing the show, this commercial is chock-full of in-house talent. The best part is they can't act worth a lick and are often seen reading their lines. All two of them.

2) Catchy Music. Check! Come on, admit it. You're already singing "At the Reeeed House..." over and over in your head. Nice harmony by white guys in ties. They even pay homage to the Wurlitzer with the digitized background theme.

3) Memorable Quote. Check plus! "Where black people and white people by furniture." Ooops! "...and Hispanic people too." Oh, that's just beautiful.

4) Humor. Check! Nothing's funnier than seeing people spell out the obvious. "I'm black. And I love the Red House." "I'm white..." That's just funny. And having a large black man jump into sofa saying, "Look at this sofa, it's perfect for a black person," is just gold.

So, did you catch what the Fifth Factor is? I hope so. It's crucial to a great commercial and it's what separates this one from the two prior. The Fifth Factor is created when the audience can't tell if you're being funny on purpose or not. I really want to think that the folks at the Red House knew how funny this commercial was going to be when they made it. But I can't help wonder if they were taking this seriously. That's what makes it so perfect.

I'm not sure if you can intentionally create this Fifth Factor. As soon as you start thinking that people are laughing with you and not at you, then you've lost. But then when people do laugh at you, they are really just laughing with you in the end, but you can't know that when you start. It's a very difficult concept to wrap your head around.

Let's see if we can figure it out with another commercial.

TDM Auto Sales: High Point, NC
This next commercial is popular enough that you may have already seen it. Yes that's right. It's the Cuban Gynecologist turned American Auto Salesman:

See how well the Fifth Factor works here? They don't even have a catchy tune (although there is music). Now this is obviously meant to be funny. The key here though is that this guy doesn't really understand why what he's doing is funny. It makes for a great local commercial.

I'm sure the guys who made it had a ton of fun doing it. Oh, how about that? Here's a behind the scenes video from the guys who made that commercial. Watching Rudy in this video is probably even funnier than the commercial.

Side note: If you're paying attention, you will have noticed that two of the greatest local commercials in this country come from High Point, North Carolina. That's impressive and almost makes it worth moving there.

Okay, so we've seen what it takes to build a good local TV commercial and taken a peek at some of the best in the business. Now it's time to see a few epic failures. These videos are similar in their failures, but they get there in totally different ways. The first video fails in concept.

Golden Gate Funeral Home
"Where service begins, and never ends."

Now, some people may argue with me and I can see where they may have a point. When your business is funeral homes, it's probably tough to come up with a good way to sell your product. The fine folks at Golden Gate decided to use the Four Basic Building Blocks... and failed. This is because in order to use humor, you have to be conscious of your product. You have to be careful when dealing with death and I'm not sure they pulled it off. I don't know, I guess it was funny enough for me to post here, but this just seems wrong. Hilariously wrong.

Well, we've come to the end of our exploration of local TV commercials. Appropriately, I've saved the worst (making it the best?) for last. This next video fails on almost every level possible. It's so atrocious, I can't even give it a proper introduction.

Fred and Sharon's Movie Productions: ????
That's right, I'm not sure where this commercial first aired. Possibly over the internet. To be fair, I think they're from BC, Canada. Leave it to the Canadians to take awesome American things and ruin them. They've taken local commercial quality and thrown it out into the netherworld. If you're trying to sell a product, this commercial should be a good learning tool. Just do everything exactly the opposite. It really is bad. It's fitting that it should end our list:

Links:

Don's Guns
Fred and Sharon's Movie Productions
TDM Auto Sales
Golden Gate Funeral Home
Red House
Pick up your Red House T-Shirt here: Link

Steve Porter's "Jam Wow" and "Rap Chop"

2009-05-21T20:52:00.000-04:00

So I just came across DJ Steve Porter's Sham Wow and Slap Chop remixes. Needless to say, I was impressed and entertained, so I thought I'd share.

The first video is the "Jam Wow;" a remix of the Sham Wow commercials. This one is great if for no other reason than it features Carlton and some classic Kid n Play. Although, I was really disappointed that something was missing from the video. I'll leave it up to you to figure it out.

"Jam Wow"

The next one is "Rap Chop;" a remix of the Slap Chop commercials. This one is seriously amazing. I'm not even joking. I would love to be able to make this stuff. This song will get stuck in your head and I almost guarantee you'll watch it more than once.

"Rap Chop"

Thank you Steve Porter.

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat

2009-04-06T14:45:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't done a real post in a while, and today will be more of the same. Just came across this Keyboard Cat, and it's cracking me up. It meshes some of our favorite fail videos with a keyboard cat. Awesome. The tune has been in my head since I first saw these over the weekend. It's weird at first, but you'll get the idea. So funny. I'm listing all the ones I laughed at. Hopefully there will be more in the next few weeks. Enjoy!

And here's the original video just for kicks:

Where the Wild Things Are Trailer

2009-03-26T09:36:00.004-04:00

I sure hope this movie doesn't disappoint.

Sleepwalking Dog

2009-03-04T18:36:00.001-05:00

Haaahahahahaha! Ha.

Another Disappointing Playoff Run for the Colts in 2008, and Dungy Should Retire?

2009-01-05T05:27:00.001-05:00

Part I: Another Disappointing Playoff Run

Well, I'm far enough removed from the stupid playoff opener between the Colts and Chargers to be able to talk about it now. Mostly I just want to write something here, so I can look back years later when we win another Super Bowl (knock), and remember how depressing this was.

I really thought the Colts had a good chance to win it all this year, dangit. They were playing so well. But sure enough, the Chargers came in and ruined things again. Chargers, Patriots, Steelers. Seems like every year (except one), these three teams have our number. I really hate the Chargers now. Can't stand them. Actually, I mostly just hate Rivers and Merriman (even when he's not playing). Oh well, congrats to them.

As far as the game goes. The Colts defense actually played a pretty good game against a tough offense, until the last drive of regulation and that retarded opening drive in OT. I mean seriously, you let them convert 3rd and 11 in overtime in the playoffs while on the road?!?! Come on!! But, other than not having a great running game, not being able to stop Sproles, and losing a coin flip, there are two major reasons we lost this game.

The first one was the Chargers punter, Scifres. The man was ridiculous. All 17 of their points came when he pinned the Colts down around the 5 yard line. All three of those stupid punts led to short fields for the Chargers, which turned into 17 points. The Colts had to go like 80 and 90 yards for their scores (haven't checked my facts there, but it seems like it). And that last punt of his in the 4th quarter somehow stopped on a dime and didn't get into the end zone. Ridiculous. Which leads to the other reason we lost.

Two nice runs on our last possession give us a 3rd and 2 around the 9 yard line. Get this first down and we win the game. Who in the world decided it was a good idea to EMPTY THE BACKFIELD and shotgun the stupid football? Gee, I wonder if we're gonna pass the ball? Usually, you can second guess decisions and say "well, if it worked, nobody would be saying anything." I'm sorry, but even if it worked, that was a stupid stupid decision. And of course it didn't work. We get sacked for a loss and a tired defense has to return for the next two possessions, which lead to 9 points and another playoff loss. Ahh, makes me sick.

So, another season comes and goes and another talented team is left saying, "maybe next year." I hate it.

Part II: Dungy Should Retire?

This will probably be Dungy's last year. Kravitz is already calling for his retirement (see here). I actually tend to agree with Kravitz on most of his articles, even though he often seems to write controversial stories just to generate buzz and bring traffic to IndyStar. In this case though, he's an idiot.

I'm sorry, but you cannot blame these playoff losses on the coach. Here's an interesting quote from the article:

Right now, angry, frustrated Colts fans want a spittle-spewing, butt-chewing SOB who will inspire this team to play as well in the playoffs as it does in the regular season -- and I don't blame them. They don't want soft-spoken. They don't want even-keel.

Really? If you're one of those fans, then let me be one of the first to tell you that you are an idiot. You really think this group of Colts veterans needs someone to inspire them to play well in the playoffs? That's just dumb. Dungy has been and is a great coach. The toughest thing for a coach to do is get his team to the playoffs. After that, it's up to the players to perform. Any man who needs a coach to spit in his face so that he'll play his best when it matters most is never going to be in the playoffs anyway.

And the Colts did not play this game any worse than any other game this year. This whole season we didn't have a great running game, we struggled to stop the run and were suspect on special teams. Same thing this game. When we played San Diego in the regular season, it came down to a last second field goal. So, to anyone who's paying attention, this team did "play as well in the playoffs as it did in the regular season." Our offense couldn't convert a 3rd and 2, and that means Dungy should be replaced by a "butt-chewing SOB." Yeah, that's brilliant.

Of course if Dungy called that last offensive play, then maybe Kravitz is right.

Dungy will probably retire, and he probably should, but not because the Colts lost in their first game of the playoffs yet again. This game had nothing to do with Dungy's ability to inspire players when it really matters. Anyone saying otherwise is either super frustrated and just looking for answers, or an idiot sports columnist looking for headlines.

Speedo Guy

2008-11-21T04:54:00.002-05:00

Yeah, this is about four years old, but for some reason I had missed it. Maybe you did too.

First, just watch this video and see if you notice anything out of the ordinary.

Wow. Dude missed back to back free throws in a big game. That is a bit odd. Perhaps you noticed why? If you missed it, go back and look again.

What you are witnessing is the emergence of Speedo Guy. You may not have heard of him, but you won't forget him. He took the Duke/UNC rivalry to a whole new level.

This next video is a little story they did on Speedo Guy. It's awesome. He sounds like someone who would instantly be my friend. Kind of reminds me of a few other friends I have. Happy Friday!

The Sock Conspiracy

2008-11-14T03:33:00.002-05:00

I'm walking down the street and a tall, lanky man strides into my view. As he approaches, I notice an oddly familiar pep in his step. The toothy grin on his face is infectious and I think to myself, "That is one happy man." He turns and winks at me. Suddenly, I understand. "You're wearing new socks," I say, as a matter of fact. "Mmm, hmmm..." he sings back at me, and he whistles on his merry way.

Ahhhh... There are few things more pleasurable than slipping on a warm pair of brand new socks. Something about the smooth way they hug your feet is darn near unbeatable. It's a proven fact that if you wear new socks, you will have a good day. Actually, I do believe Barack Obama was wearing new socks last Tuesday.

Here is a picture of Obama on Monday, where he was wearing old socks, but the mere thought of the new socks he would wear the next day brought a slight smile to his face.

And then here he is on Tuesday, with his brand new socks on.

But, alas. Like all of the most wonderful things in this world, that new sock feeling is a fleeting one. After that first day, your new socks begin to lose their luster. Suddenly, they don't hug as tight or look so bright. Your feet feel neglected and your heart is as empty as an old-worn-out sock.

You know what is incredible? We have gotten to the point where we can control things with our mind. It's true. We can wire our brains to computers and use technology to move things around.

But what good is technology if we can't make socks that stay glorious for more than one day? Honestly, why hasn't this happened? It seems simple compared with hooking computers to our brains. We should have easily figured it out by now.

I'll tell you why it doesn't exist. Here's a little clue:

That's right, it's a damn Sock Conspiracy!! Nobody ever thinks about it, because it's just a sock. But it could be so much more. The sock making companies know this. They also know that if they developed this technology, nobody would buy new socks anymore. That's why Willy Wonka isn't real. The fat cats who make candy would never really want an "everlasting" gobstopper.

If that doesn't get your blood boiling, think about this. Have you ever wondered why socks are shaped the way they are? You probably thought it was because your foot kind of looks like that. Well, you're wrong. Sock companies make socks a certain way, so that you'll be inclined to put it on your foot at the exact same place every time. Why is this? Obviously, everybody knows that the heel of the sock gets the most abuse and wears out the quickest. So the sock companies developed ways to make sure the sock threads supporting your heel will have to bear the brunt of the abuse every...single...time.

The shape of the sock isn't the only way they do this. They put patterns on the sock where the top of your foot is supposed to be, but leave the bottom blank. Dress socks are the best at this tactic.

If you don't believe me, try this. The next time you go to put on some socks, try purposely "putting them on wrong." I'll bet your feet won't know the difference. I swear, I'm wearing mine wrong right now, and my feet feel fine. My socks last about four times longer than they normally would.

So now you're thinking, "why would I want to keep wearing my old socks when the best thing about a sock is getting a new one?" Well, now you're just one step away from truly opening your mind.

Since sock companies don't want to develop the technology to make "everlasting new" socks, and have even gone so far as to force us to wear down the socks we have, the only way we can fight back is to wear our old socks as long as we possibly can. That will force competing sock companies to come up with the longest lasting, most comfortable sock known to man. Don't fall into their trap. Try using all of your sock, instead of just what the sock companies want you to use. It's the only way we'll get what we truly deserve in a sock.

Open your mind. Fight the Conspiracy.

Happy Halloween 2008: Politics Edition

2008-10-31T17:07:00.002-04:00

*EDIT: Added new video 11/3/08.

It's Halloween and if you're looking for the scariest thing on the internet, you can mosey on over to this page: The Scariest Thing On The Internet.

As for me, few things scare me more than politics. It's scary how much of the world is run through politics. Not just government stuff, but within our work environments, social settings, and pretty much everything we do from day to day.

Heck, I don't even really know what "politics" means, which scares me even more. And I absolutely hate trying to "talk politics" with someone. Mostly because I have no clue what I'm talking about and don't know enough to even try to pretend.

Anyways, in honor of election day coming up and it being Halloween, I've found some scary "politics" videos for you to enjoy. These are random videos that I've come across recently and if you are ever around the internet, you've probably seen them. If you find any that should be added, feel free to leave a link in the comments, or shoot me an email and I'll add it to the list. Have a ghoulishly good time:

The Job
The first scary video is one of those mind-bending glimpses into the irony of our present financial "crisis." Brought about by politics, no doubt.

Terry Tate: Reading Is Fundamental
If you're not one of the 1,293,080 people who have already seen this video, you need to get out more. Or less. However that works out.

Sarah Palin Interview with Katie Couric
Okay, I know you've all seen this one. I don't care who you're voting for, this is pretty darn scary. I'm sure there are a million excuses and this could happen to anybody, but good grief, I mean... seriously. It reminds me of another video where somebody folded under the pressure. See if you can guess which one before watching it.

Got your guess ready? If so, click here: Scary Mystery Video

Synchronized Presidential Debating
This next video just proves there's nothing new under the sun. This video takes all three presidential debates and meshes them into one synchronized synopsis of the issues. We've heard it all before, and out of the same horse's mouth no less.

The Sidewalk to Nowhere, McCain Supporters in Bethlehem, PA
This is definitely scary. Blind ignorance and hatred is about as frightening as it gets. These folks put on a fine display of both while at a McCain rally. As ignorant as they are for acting like this, it would be just as stupid to say all McCain voters are like these morons. And don't worry, the next video of Obama supporters proves you can be equally idiotic, regardless of who you vote for. And it's nice in this video how all of the Obama supporters' comments are conveniently deleted.

Clueless Obama Voters In Harlem
The last video is from Howard Stern's show, where they sent someone to go out into Harlem and talk to the voters about why they are voting for Obama. I don't need to say how manipulative this is, but it's still pretty scary.

Barack Obama Not a US Citizen?
This is a pretty interesting video that I'm surprised hasn't gotten more attention (at least in mainstream media). A lawyer is suing Obama, claiming that he's not a US citizen and not eligible to run for the presidency. It seems like if this is legit, it's pretty freaking scary that nobody is concerned about this. Right? Watch the video and you tell me. It's also interesting that YouTube censored the title of this video (read the info on the YouTube page if interested).

In closing, I find it pretty scary how little I have cared to educate myself on the issues leading up to this election (or any election at any level throughout my life). We're lucky to live here and I definitely take this right for granted. It's dang scary when I think about it. So anyways, hope you all take the time to find out why you're gonna vote for whoever (whomever?) you vote for.

Alright, that's all I've got for now. Hope everyone has a safe and scary Halloween!

Video: "Take On Me" Literal Version

2008-10-08T06:01:00.001-04:00

Wow. Once again I find myself saying, "Why didn't I think of that?" In this hilarious video, someone was creative enough to rewrite the lyrics to a popular song so that they match the action going on in the music video. It's genius. They chose A-Ha's "Take On Me." A Ha, a ha.

The pipe wrench stuff is brilliant. I can only hope there are many more of these.

Best Job in the World: Voice Actor

2008-09-26T05:38:00.001-04:00

I've found another job to add to my growing list of things I'd love to get paid to do: voices for cartoons. It's got to be one of the best jobs possible. Go into a sound booth, make some funny voices, get paid. Sweet.

The best part would be when you're in a group of strangers and they all start doing their impression of your cartoon voice, then you're all like, "Dammit Bobby, you're doing that voice all wrong." Then they would all bow down to your superior impressionistic skills. Except it wouldn't be an impression, cause it's you.

The next best thing to being a voice actor is watching a voice actor do a familiar character. Which brings us to today's fun. I've compiled a small group of videos where you can get in on the joys of being a voice actor. There may be a downside to this job, but I just refuse to see it.

The first clip, as you've no doubt guessed, is from when the cast of the Simpsons appeared on Inside the Actor's Studio hosted by the unconquerable James Lipton. If you've somehow missed this, it's awesome. Take a gander:

Simpsons: Inside the Actors Studio

In the next video, we actually literally go inside the actor's studio with the cast of The Family Guy. It's weird when they say their lines out of context and without the other characters responding. And when they repeat the same line over and over, hoping to get one right. Pretty interesting.

Family Guy Voices

This next video may be my favorite of the bunch. It's an incredibly interesting clip from one of the greatest voice actors of all time: Mel Blanc. He goes through each of his famous characters and tells how he came up with their voices. Man, I miss those old Looney Tunes.

Mel Blanc: Creating Warner Bros. Cartoon Voices

Next up is a series of videos that go behind the scenes of voices in Disney animation. It's also ridiculously interesting and if you only have time for one (they're all short), watch the first one.

Behind the Scenes: Disney Character Voices. Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Boy, this is fun. The only way this could be better is if it were somehow possible to get an iconic figure from my childhood to tell me more about voices in animation. Someone like... oh, I don't know... Doogie Howser, M.D.!!! (cool voice stuff is about 2:00 in)

Best of Disney: Voices of Characters

Well, if that didn't convince you that voice acting is one of the best jobs possible, then you're probably a voice actor. Actually, the whole animation process is pretty darn cool. Hope you enjoyed this little break from whatever boring, dead-end job you have. If you're still bored, you can watch the entire episode of "Inside the Actor's Studio" with the Simpsons. Enjoy!

Simpsons Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Colts Lose Again

2008-09-21T19:23:00.002-04:00

I just have to get this off my chest, cause I'm so ticked. Aside from the many ways we screwed up this game (missed tackles, dropped passes, penalties), why in the name of all things holy are we passing the ball at 1st and goal from the 1.5 yard line? Why? It stopped the clock and gave them way too much time for a drive. Stupid! Yuck, I'm disgusted. This could be a really disappointing year. Oh and for the record, Colts at Lucas Oil Stadium: 0-2.

Ninja Cat Creeps Without Walking

2008-09-16T11:55:00.002-04:00

Haaaha, hahaha, aha, aaahh, ha...ha.

Boom Goes the Dynamite

2008-09-12T13:30:00.002-04:00

Here's a classic for you. Good ol' Indiana home-grown talent.

Ball State news reporter Brian Collins gives us the sports beat. Pay close attention to the Pacers highlights. That's where Brian really gets into a groove and unleashes the now infamous phrase, "Boom Goes the Dynamite."

I think his boyish looks are just perfect.

After you've enjoyed this a few times, try listening to it while reading the transcript. It's somehow even funnier. Good stuff.

Boom Goes the Dynamite- with transcript

Then I also found this video, which shows the publicity Collins received and also reveals where he came up with his ingenious catchphrase. I won't spoil it for you, but it's pretty much the best possible story.

Colts Season Opener 2008

2008-09-10T17:42:00.000-04:00

Well, I think I'm finally a few days removed enough to talk about the Colts losing to the Bears last Sunday. It sure was disappointing. Here's what I took from it.

The Good

1) Lucas Oil Stadium.

It looks awesome at night. And apparently, everything works. In a night where not a lot of good things happened for the Colts, at least their new home is cool. Here's a sweet video I found of the opening ceremony with some helicopters that flew over the top.

2) The Colts picked a good time to lose. I know every game counts, but this game isn't as important as many others will be. It's early enough that we can get some things fixed and get some experience for our newer players (the O-line). And it's not like a devastating blow to our momentum heading into the playoffs or anything.

3) Chargers lose their game and Patriots lose their season.

Of course, the Patriots will probably end up making the playoffs and being awesome. I seriously don't like seeing Brady go down like that. Any time that happens just sucks. Even if I do hate the Patriots.

4) Dwight Freeney. He looked like his old self, which is a really good sign.

I think that's it for the good.

The Bad

1) Losing for the first time in September (or October), after 21 in a row. Yep, the Colts won't go at least 7-0 for the first time since 2004. At least they didn't go 18-0 in a season, then lose the Super Bowl.

2) Colts run defense. Reminds me of the 2006 Colts, except they've been combined with an average offense. The Colts made Forte look like a stud and that 50-yard run on third and long was devastating. Speaking of third down...

3) 10 of 16 third down conversions. By the Bears. That's terrible. A few were pretty long third downs too. The Colts have got to do a better job getting the other team off the field.

4) 53 yards rushing. By the Colts. Enough said.

5) Colts Offensive line. They just got outplayed. The silver lining here is that they didn't play terribly and they're still getting used to their positions.

6) Jeff Saturday. This goes along with #5, but it sure hurts not having Saturday. I'm sure Jamey Richard will improve and he did a decent job. But I bet we win this game if Saturday was playing.

7) Red zone touchdowns. First two times we get into the red zone, we settle for field goals. We've got to get touchdowns dangit.

The Ugly

1) Too many Bears fans. Maybe it's just me, but it seemed like there were a lot of Bears fans in the crowd. I couldn't believe the noise out there when our offense was on the field. What's up with that?

2) Opening kickoff. Instead of kicking to Hester and blowing him up, we do a weak little "squib kick" (or whatever it's called). They get the ball on like the 40 and it sends the message that we're scared. I guess it may have been a good idea, given what happened at the Super Bowl, but still.

3) Harrison's fumble. He's been back two games since his injury and fumbled both times. Before that, he averaged like a fumble every 10 years.

4) Going for it on 4th and 1. This was a pretty bad call. I guess if we make it, it changes everything, but given how much time was left and how we couldn't run for shat against the Bears, that makes it a bad call. Oh well.

5) Having to watch a game with a Bears fan. This is still one of the most annoying things in the planet. I've said all I need to say about it here. Nothing's changed.

Well, that's all I can think of and this post is getting long. All in all, it's great to be watching football again. I sure hope this game was just a fluke and not a sign of the future. We'll find out this week against Minnesota. Dangit, I'd hate to go through a season of sucking. I'm sure eventually we'll probably have to deal with it, but I'm not ready yet. C'mon Colts! Be good, dangit! GO HORSE!

How Great Commenting Can Enhance Your Viewing Pleasure

2008-09-02T18:02:00.000-04:00

Today I have two seemingly unrelated videos to share with you. One is from a high school football game in 1994; the other from a local newscast. How could they possibly be related?

When I first watched these videos, I immediately knew they were great. Then when I started thinking about why, I realized that it wasn't because of the video footage itself. It was because of the people commenting on the video. If you mute either one of these, you will immediately loose 65% of your viewing pleasure.

The first video is from the 1994 Plano East- John Tyler football game. It's an amazing comeback and I'm sure most of you have probably seen it before. When you watch it this time through, pay attention to the commentators. They remind me a bit of ol' Slick Leonard. See if you can pick out these gems: "Attababy!" "Dadgummit." "Good-gosh Almighty!" and of course, "I done wet ma britches!" Be sure to watch this video to the end, it's awesome.

Then in this next video we see a local news crew doing a segment about a fashion show in Paris. During the show, one of the models stumbles and falls. I admit, that can be funny. But what makes this hilarious is listening to these two guys laugh at her fall.

I promise you cannot watch this entire video, with the sound on, and not laugh by the end of it. I would even argue that you could probably close your eyes and just listen to them laugh, and it would make you laugh. They just have that perfect laugh, which is indescribably contagious. I've watched it five times in a row now and laughed every time. Just see for yourself.

Ah man, that's good stuff.

Fun With Lord of the Rings

2008-07-03T05:32:00.000-04:00

At the risk of blaspheming one of the greatest movie trilogies of all time, I'm going to post a few videos.

We'll start with a short clip featuring the Horn of Gondor. This is a subtle video, which takes a certain sophisticated humor to really appreciate. Sorry if you don't get it. That just means you're too lowbrow to understand.

Horn of Gondor

Next up is an upbeat-techno song, which really displays the creative talent of this generation of youth. It's a great mix of music and video, creating a new media which any generation can appreciate.

They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard

This next one is also very creative, offering up an alternative ending to The Lord of the Rings. It's funny that I never thought of this. It's also retarded in many ways, but I still like the video.

How Lord of the Rings Should Have Ended

This last one is probably my favorite of all. It's a voiceover of one of the more awkward scenes in Lord of the Rings. Gimli's entrance is spectacular.

LOTR Voiceover

Dream Interpretation

2008-06-20T08:24:00.007-04:00

**UPDATE: Did you just wake up from a crazy poop dream and want to know what in the world it means? Well, you've come to the right place my friend. Read on. And be sure to share your crazy poop dream in the comments.

First, the dream:

I am at a large party in an unfamiliar house filled with a few friends, but mostly strangers. All of a sudden, I get a case of the runs and need to find a restroom. The first one I come to is occupied. Oh no.

So I start freaking out, quickly hobbling through this strange house, looking for a bathroom. I'm afraid to ask, because I'm embarrassed. Finally, I come across a strange room covered in pink carpet. Along the right hand side of the wall, is a shiny white toilet. The toilet is immaculate. Here's a crappy MSPaint, just so you can get an idea of what the room looked like:

I slam the door and plop down on the toilet. As I look in my pants, I notice that I crapped them. Then I hear the sound of a woman clearing her throat in annoyance. It's coming from around the corner, kind of behind the toilet. I glance behind me.

The room opens into a large meeting area, where a group of about twelve older women are having some kind of discussion. They all stare at me with pursed lips of disapproval.

My mind races to think of the appropriate thing to say in a situation like this. I am at a loss for words. One by one, the women file out of the room, each one glaring at me in my shame as they pass by. I mumble a few apologies, without looking up at them.

After they have left, I get another sick feeling in my stomach and feel like I'm going to puke. I open my mouth and a turd starts to slowly make its way out. I'm not sure what to do, so I just put my hands out and catch it.

Then I have to go back to the party and I'm worried about my breath smelling like crap. Then I wake up.

The Anal-ysis:

Obviously, after a dream like that, I woke up saying, "What the heck was that?!" So I did a little research. Which means, I Googled "Poop Dreams." The results were disappointing.

There are a few sites where you can just type in a word, and they'll give you a generalized interpretation. For instance, poop in your dreams may mean the following:

1) Certain aspects of your life may be dirty and negative.
2) You view something in your life as repulsive and undesirable.
3) Freud connects feces with money, possession, pride and shame (not sure how that works).

So the best I could do, is look up various things that I saw in my dream and combine them to come up with the best interpretation. Here are the words I looked up and their meaning (along with "poop" above):

Embarrassment
To dream that you are embarrassed, signifies hidden weaknesses, fears and lack of self-confidence. This dream also suggests of insecurities about your sexuality.

Woman
To see a woman in your dream, represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love. It refers to your own female aspects or may also represent your mother. Alternatively, it may indicate temptation and guilt.

To see an old woman in your dream, indicates aging and growing old.

To see a group of women talking in your dream, refers to some gossip.

Toilet
To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless. If you are cleaning the toilet, then it means that you are starting to shed your shell or lose your inhibitions.

Put that all together, and you get this interpretation of my crappy dream: I have a hidden weakness and fear of something in my life that I find repulsive and undesirable. I'm trying to get rid of it, but those who are supposed to help nurture and love me are instead growing old and gossiping.

So the question is, can dreams really help us understand something we're struggling with, or did I just have a crazy dream? I tend to lean toward the latter, but perhaps I shouldn't be so flip about my dreams. Did you know that your brain waves are more active when you dream than when you are awake? It's true!

Anyways, there's some food for thought. I really just wanted an excuse to tell about my crazy dream.

Just for fun, I decided to join a forum to see what others could come up with for my dream. If you're interested in following the discussion, here's the thread: Poop Mouth.

Props to this site for all of the dream info: Dream Moods

Monkey Does a Headstand on a Tight-Rope Walking Goat, While the Goat Stands on a Cup

2008-06-12T09:20:00.003-04:00

Yeah, you heard me:

Scaring Little Kids

2008-06-05T17:10:00.002-04:00

One of the most entertaining things you can possibly do in life is to scare someone. I'm not sure exactly why this is true, but it is. I also think being scared is almost as fun.

Obviously, I'm not talking about this scenario:

"Dude, I heard your brother died. That sucks."
"What?"
"Ha-ha. Scared you."

That's called being an annoying idiot.

I'm talking about hiding in the back seat of your wife's car early in the morning before she goes to work, then jumping up and grabbing her. I don't recommend doing this, but it's a good example of the kind of scaring that we're talking about here.

Since kids are a bit more vulnerable than adults, and typically give the best reaction while being scared, I've compiled a collection of some of the best videos of kids being scared. Hope you enjoy.

Kid Sings Britney Spears
No scared kid video list would be complete without this one. It's not my favorite, but it is funny. What makes this funny is that the kid really gets into singing Britney Spears and then the way he just passes out or whatever. It's a good warm-up video:

Dad Scares Kids With Where's Waldo
I like this one because the dad set it up. It just makes me smile to see that man laughing his head off, while the child he just scared runs to him for comfort. My kids are seriously screwed.

**Quick Side Note**
Can scaring kids cause permanent damage? What kind of psychological evidence do they have on this stuff? I'm reminded of a personal story that was hilarious, but could have been traumatizing. Can't believe I forgot about this till now: Baby Anni.

These next two videos go hand-in-hand, because they epitomize the two classic responses to being scared.

How to Respond to Being Scared
I love this first video. It shows an older brother setting up his younger brother for a scare. If you have a brother, you'll love this too, cause it captures what having a brother is all about. This little brother handles being scared perfectly. He screams, then his scream smoothly transitions into hysterical laughter. Watch the whole thing to fully enjoy the brotherly love. And this kid has a perfect scream.

How Not to Respond to Being Scared
If only every person being scared could handle it so well. Alas, this next kid shows us the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm annoyed at this little guy and I don't even know him. Watch this one all the way through to witness the shame.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre Scare
This next video is a classic. It's been around for a while, but is still the best scare video out there. Everything is explained in the video, so just enjoy it.

Scare Montage
To round out my list, I'm just going to leave you with the "Scared Silly" montage. It's just a quick snippet of kids, adults, and even animals getting scared. Really, I just want you to see the last clip on this video. I LOL'd.

Bonus Scare Videos
As a bonus for reading this far, here are a couple funny scare-related videos. I saw this first one on America's Funniest Videos, then found it on Youtube. This kid's dad has to dress up and change his voice in order to get the kid to go to bed. Pretty funny. Dad scares his son to sleep:

Then of course, I had to add the hilarious "Never Scare a Black Man" videos. Again, these are self-explanatory.

If you would like to be scared yourself, take a moment to enjoy one of this blog's more popular posts: The Scariest Things on the Internet

Prince Caspian

2008-05-29T17:45:00.002-04:00

If I had to describe my reaction to this movie in one word, it would be: Disappointed.

There's plenty to like about the movie and it is entertaining, but I just was not impressed. I imagine that if I weren't such a big fan of the book and didn't have such high expectations, then maybe I would have enjoyed it more. But as it stands, I really was just disappointed. (SPOILERS to follow, do not read ahead if you haven't seen the movie)

The first thing that seemed obvious to me was that these kids aren't very good actors. To be fair, I think it was probably poorly written dialogue rather than bad acting, but it felt forced and unbelievable. However, I could have lived with sub-par acting. After all, Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe didn't have spectacular acting, and I liked that one. It's not like you go see this movie for a chance to watch Oscar talent on the big screen.

I think the most disappointing thing for me was in the way the movie separated itself from the book. Characters and their relationships were changed (for the WORSE), and for no apparent reason (except maybe to add unnecessary drama).

I guess I'll just make a list of the things that pretty much ruined the movie for me. In order, here they are:

5) Doctor Cornelius. The doctor's role is greatly diminished, which was a huge disappointment to me, because he's such a great character. They literally could have just taken him out of this movie and it wouldn't have changed much. That's just poo, cause he's awesome in the book.

4) Battle of Beruna. I liked this battle scene the first ten times I saw it. How many times do we have to see large catapulting contraptions demolishing the undermanned hero? I admit that I liked the sinking earth trap, although it's a pretty ridiculous idea that would never really work.

The fighting trees were stupid too. Ents have been done before. They're supposed to be the nymphs and dryads who are more like giants with leafy arms. Why change this to something we've seen before? I didn't like the river god either, but at least the rushing water didn't turn into horses. And I was really hoping to see Bacchus make an appearance in this movie (he's actually the one who frees the river god). Another good scene wasted.

3) The Castle Siege. I admit that this was a good action scene, for the most part. But I don't understand how it helped develop the (original) story in the least. Sure, it helped to ruin Caspian's character, by pitting him against King Peter (which never happens in the book).

And I can guarantee you that if an army of minotaurs and centaurs came storming in, the people would die of fright. In the book, there is a real sense that the Telmarines FEAR Old Narnia. They had no idea that these creatures still existed. Every soldier would have peed his pants and dropped his sword. This scene just should not have been thrown in. It doesn't make sense and adds nothing to the story (at least as the story was originally written).

2) Reepicheep. Reepicheep is by far one of the most popular characters in all of Narnia. This movie did a terrible job of developing who he is. He was turned into some sort of caricature of himself. The scene at the end where he loses his tail is one of the best scenes in the book, but it was almost an afterthought in the movie. I bet if I hadn't read the book, the significance of that moment would be totally lost. Such a shame.

I hated that they threw in the "You're a mouse!" bit before he killed someone with one swipe to the nose. There are freaking griffins and goat-men running around, and you're going to be surprised at a mouse? And it was retarded having him single-handedly taking down grown men. That never happens in the book, and was just a joke in the movie.

And please tell me why they added the scene with the cat being tied up in the castle? AAAAAHHH! So stupid! "Ooh, look, it's the mouse's natural enemy: the castle cat. Come on guys, there's always enough time for a chivalrous mouse to find some rope somewhere and tie up a sleeping cat." Ugh.

1) Prince Caspian. I can't believe how much they botched up the title character. Mostly, it was because of his relationships with the other characters.

Let's start with Caspian and Miraz. So Caspian learns that Miraz killed his father, and runs through the castle (a-la Inigo Montoya), so he can avenge his father. In the book, he never seeks this vengeance (it doesn't fit his character). Rather surprisingly, he cannot bring himself kill good ol' Uncle Miraz. Shocker. That first scene was so dramatic, we get to see it again at the end of the movie. I really thought he was going to kill him that time, though.

Then there's Caspian and the Old Narnians. In the book, he's already gained their favor and is leading their army against King Miraz. He makes decisions and has character and leadership. It's only after their army is outmatched and as a last resort that he blows Susan's horn, and then the help comes. In the movie, there's none of that. Help comes almost by accident (because he doesn't even know what the horn is), and because he fell off his horse (being chased by Telmarines who somehow found the courage to follow him into a forest that is known to be haunted and hasn't been entered for centuries).

Then we have Caspian and King Peter. Darn that know-it-all King Peter, with his hair brained raid schemes. I have no idea why they felt the need to have some kind of bitter rivalry between these two kings. From what I remember, this isn't the case in the book and definitely not to the extent it was portrayed in this movie. That was almost as ridiculous as...

Caspian and Queen Susan. Seriously? I mean, seriously? Somebody explain this to me. If everything else in the movie was exactly like the book and was made perfectly, this would still have ruined it for me. So fake, so unbelievable, so unnecessary. Complete with the terrible "let's make money off of the music industry as well with our top 20 love ballad" at the end. I just laughed my way through every one of these "love" scenes. I don't see how anyone could have enjoyed the movie while having to endure this ridiculous addition. Stupidest. Decision. Ever.

This post turned out way longer than I expected. I could keep going, but I guess the point is, I just didn't see the need or the purpose of going so far away from the context of the book. If you need filler material for the movie, you have 1500 years of undocumented history that would make for awesome back-story (like the opening scene in the first LOTR trilogy). Why not go back and show the Telmarines first coming to Narnia and sending the Narnians into hiding? There's so much there you could use, which wouldn't change the original story.

Having said all that, if you don't really care about the books and how closely the movie follows them, you'll probably like this movie. It's entertaining with decent effects and definitely worth watching. But if you're a big fan of the books and character development and solid plot lines, you're probably going to be disappointed.

Overly Excited, Hyperactive Children

2008-05-23T11:59:00.000-04:00

You know that wonderful feeling of anticipation, when you're expecting something spectacular to happen, and you can hardly contain your emotions? Usually, the waiting and hoping is even better than what actually ends up happening. Oftentimes, you'll hear someone experiencing this emotion say, "It feels like Christmas."

Hopefully in your youth, you had a chance to want something so bad, that the mere thought of actually getting it would pretty much blow your mind. It's like the scene in A Christmas Story, when Ralphie finally gets a chance to tell Santa what he really wants for Christmas. He's so excited, that he totally freezes under the pressure and can't even speak. Then when he's halfway down the slide he freaks out and says, "No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!" Aw heck, let's just look at the video:

Look at the devastation in his face, when Santa says those ill-fated words, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Classic.

Well, few things are more entertaining than watching a child, who has had all that pent up emotion and anticipation, finally release it in a moment of pure ecstasy.

So without further ado, please enjoy a few of the most entertaining moments of a child's life. Some of these are quite disturbing in the fact that the kids get so excited over something so trivial. If only we could all go after our dreams with the same amount of passion.

First up is a kid who gets a Nintendo 64 for Christmas. A few things of note: I like how the little sister mimics everything the boy does. And, the best is when they start pawing at the box, like two kittens chasing a mouse on a linoleum floor?

Next is a kid who opens up a pack of Pokemon cards (I think), to find a rare Blastoise (whatever the heck that is). This reminded me of finding rare baseball cards as a child, but I don't think I ever got this excited.

Then we have the other end of the spectrum, which shows a kid who thought he was getting an XBox 360 for Christmas, but opens it up to find a box of clothes. Poor guy. His face is priceless.

This last one may not apply, but these videos never get old. This is what happens when a baby gets too excited. The last set of laughing babies is actually kind of scary.

If you find that your children are way too excited and hyperactive, suggest that they do something constructive and creative with their energy. Here's a good example. The famous video of the dancing Crazy Frog Brothers.

Indianapolis Will Host Super Bowl XLVI in 2012! Why You Should Care.

2008-05-20T17:18:00.003-04:00

If you live in Indianapolis or the surrounding area, this is a huge day for you. By now the entire city is buzzing with the news that we will finally get to host a Super Bowl. You should be excited.

After getting screwed in our bid last year (see here), the Indianapolis Bid Committee somehow put together an even better presentation this year and won the bid to host the 2012 Super Bowl. This is so awesomely exciting that I shouldn't even have to say it.

Let's take a closer look at why hosting a Super Bowl is such a huge thing for Indianapolis.

1) Colts at home in the Super Bowl?
The mere thought of maybe, possibly, seeing Peyton Manning play for a Super Bowl in... you know what? I'm not even going to say it. You folks should be excited enough.

2) Hometown Pride
So you say you could care less about football and a bunch of grown men getting paid millions to play a child's game? Well first of all, shame on you. However, if you have any sense of pride about where you come from, this is a big deal. The Super Bowl is a big deal whether you care about it or not and it will bring lots of attention (and some money) to the city. I don't care about dressing up like a Vulcan and hanging out with Storm Troopers, but I'm still proud of GenCon.

3) Economic Stimulus Package
Sure, you may read articles that say the economic benefits of hosting a Super Bowl aren't as great as many people think. Numbers get inflated and much of the money is spent hosting the event, but I guarantee you it's a better way of getting money into our local economy than say, oh I don't know... randomly handing out $600 to every citizen in the hopes that this will somehow benefit society.

4) Lasting Community Benefits
One of the best things about our bid was the proposal to build a big $9M dollar practice facility over by my old high school, Arsenal Tech. After the Super Bowl, it will be given back to the community to help the struggling east side. I have no idea how that will help, but it sure can't hurt.

5) Memories
How many memories do you have of hanging out in your hometown during a Super Bowl? You can't put a pricetag on that.

6) Justifying Lucas Oil Stadium
I don't know enough about politics and economics to know whether or not we should have built this new stadium. It's worth it to me just to make sure we'll still have the Colts around for a few more years. But at least now, I can argue that the new stadium will end up paying for itself since we're hosting a Super Bowl because of it. The LUKE!!!!

I could go on and maybe I will later. All I know is that this is an exciting day for Indianapolis. GO COLTS!!!!!

PS- Here's a few bloggers already getting excited about our Super Bowl. Let me know if you want your link added to the list.

By the Narrow Gate
The Gimcrack Miscellany
Back Home Again

Man Goat: Searching for Bob?

2008-05-15T09:19:00.003-04:00

All I know is, if this is for real, it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Man Goat:

Actually, if I saw that thing in real life, I would probably be freaked out. Bob!!!

RC Car + Bottles + Genius Asians + Mario Theme= Amazingly Awesome Video

2008-05-02T15:40:00.000-04:00

Really, there's not much else I can say. I love smart people doing creative things based on the Mario Brothers. So naturally, I think this video is sheer brilliance. Happy Friday and enjoy:

You've Been Rickroll'd

2008-04-17T11:59:00.005-04:00

If you haven't been Rickroll'd yet, or haven't seen exactly how amazing this phenomenon has gotten, then today is your lucky day. This post is dedicated entirely to the awesomeness of Rick Astley and his now infamous video.

To begin, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you probably rarely use the interwebs. And if you do, you probably never venture outside of the same five or six websites contained within your small sphere of comfort. Get out there and live a little, man!

Luckily for you, Life in the Shadows is one of your few websites, and we're here to make sure you get caught up on all the fun stuff happening in that crazy world wide web. So, where did the Rick Roll start? I'm glad you asked.

A brief history: Rickrolling began way back when young Richard Paul Astley got sick of hearing how great the Beatles were and decided to do something about it. In 1987 he released the single, "Never Gonna Give You Up" and a legend was born. The second British invasion had arrived, but the world had no idea exactly how far this would go. (For a full history of Rick Astley click here )

Meanwhile, back in the future around April 20, 2006 a man named "4Chan" thought he was clever and decided to try something. He invented a duck on wheels and gave that duck a website. Then he got all of his Chinese friends to help him make that duck famous. They did this by tricking people. Unsuspecting web surfers would think they were about to click a link relevant to the topic at hand, but would instead be sent to the duck. Hence, duckrolling was born. (For more on 4Chan and "duckrolling" click here. Also, props to Wikipedia for this information.)

By this time, many had forgotten the awesomeness of Rick Astley, as he had decided to retire after creating a masterpiece that could never be outdone. Not surprisingly, someone came up with the brilliant idea of merging a duckroll with Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Now we have the Rickroll, and your life will never be the same.

The Rickroll has truly become a widespread epidemic. At first it was a fun little prank between a few friends. Then on April Fool's Day of 2008, things started getting a little out of hand. Youtube linked all of their front page featured videos to the Rick Roll. Many other sites also participated in rickrolling their viewers (for a full list of sites who participated in the April 1, 2008 Rick Rolling click here)

Then came this little gem, when it was discovered that there was a long lost blooper reel from the Muppets. This video is simply amazing:

(side note: I love Beeker's moves when he says "...got to make you, understand...")

Now flashback to February 2008. Imagine you want to do a protest against a ridiculous religion. What do you think would be the best way to get your point across during your protest? That's right. A Rick Roll:

Now we're gonna flash back to the future again to March 2008. The Eastern Washington University women's basketball team is in a heated battle against... well, who cares. Suddenly a familiar tune breaks out over the loudspeakers. What's that? Oh yeah, that's right. A Rick Roll:

(DJ steals the show, imo)

In April 2008, the New York Mets had the brilliant idea of letting online voters decide which song should be played during their 8th inning sing-a-long at Shea Stadium. They also let the voters choose their own song. Gee, I wonder what could possibly happen here? Perhaps...maybe...a Rick Roll?

Rickroll Bonus: At Liverpool Street Station in London, hundreds decided to get together and perform what has been aptly dubbed the "Rickmob." Participating in a Rickmob has now joined my list of things to do before I die. Rickmob:

Obviously, Rickrolling is here to stay. If you come up with a good idea for a rickroll, be sure to videotape it and put it up on Youtube. It might make you famous. Also, if you come across any other great Rickrolls, be sure to add them to the comments here so that I can enjoy it as well.

Serious credits below:
Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickroll
yougotrickrolled.com
YouTube
cnn.com

Rick Roll Chart:

Shadow Puppets and Sand Art...What A Wonderful World

2008-04-03T11:59:00.003-04:00

I was reading up on Caleb's Life in Oxford and he mentioned having different soundtracks for different stages of your life (read post here). It's awesome how much music can remind you of a certain time in your life and whatnot. That's not really the point of this post, although if I had the time to do it, I'm sure there's a lot of good stuff to talk about there.

Anyways, it just reminded me of a video I remember seeing with cool shadow puppets. So I thought I'd share. This video is really cool and set to a great song. I mean seriously, is there ever a situation that can't instantly be made awesome by shadow puppets? I think not. Having an arsenal of shadow puppets to whip out during parties, dates, corporate meetings, or when you're home alone and lonely is like having a never-ending flask of Sambuca for those same events. They just make everything better. But, I digress...

So then that video reminded me of another video, which uses an art form that I think is similar to shadow puppets: sand art. Check this video out, set to the same song, but using sand art. FYI, waaay too much emphasis on the guy's nipple, imo.

And then that video reminded me of one of my favorite videos of all time. I've posted on this one before (here), but it fits this post perfectly and it's worth checking out again. If shadow puppets are like a never-ending flask of Sambuca, sand art would be like being able to turn water into wine. This next video proves this.

I suggest you don't watch this video until you have a full ten minutes set aside to enjoy it. Grab yourself a nice hot cup of tea, mug of coffee, flask of Sambuca, or whatever puts you at ease. This was made during the 2003 SICAF (Seoul International Cartoon and Animation Festival). It's a sand animation of the creation story. Sit back, relax and enjoy it.

Dramatic Chipmunk and Dramatic Lemur

2008-03-19T11:58:00.001-04:00

Surely by now you've all seen the "Dramatic Chipmunk" (or prairie dog). If for some insane reason you haven't, here's pretty much the original:

Dramatic Chipmunk

I swear it's funny every time. So then, as you no doubt know, this thing has gone viral and people have added their own spins to it. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Dr. Evil Dramatic Chipmunk

Dramatic Chipmunk CURSES!

There are hundreds of them and most are pretty funny. Well, the other day I came across another hilarious "dramatic" animal. I guess it's not all that funny, but for some reason I seriously laughed out loud in a room all by myself. That happens almost never, so I figured I should share. Be sure you have the sound up for this one. Oh man, this cracks me up.

Dramatic Lemur

You Suck At Photoshop

2008-03-13T11:36:00.000-04:00

Just in case you haven't watched these yet, I thought I'd share. I personally think these videos are genius, even if the subject matter is a bit tasteless. It's just a brilliant way to tell a story and I wish I'd thought of it. You can make your own decision.

There are eight total videos, but I've only posted the first five. I think these are the best. If you only watch one of them, I suggest #2. But they all tell a story together in sequential order. Enjoy!

You Suck At Photoshop #1

You Suck At Photoshop #2

You Suck At Photoshop #3

You Suck At Photoshop #4

You Suck At Photoshop #5

10 Reasons Super Bowl XLII Was the Best Super Bowl Ever

2008-02-04T08:00:00.002-05:00

Before we begin, I have to say that this list is coming from a huge Colts fan. That should explain many of the things on this list. And now, the top ten reasons that the New York Giants 17-14 win over the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII was the best Super Bowl game ever.

10) The underdog won. Everybody loves an upset. That's why we love Braveheart. And Apple.

9) It was a great football game. Seriously, regardless of which team you were cheering for, this was an awesome game. It was close throughout, it came down to the last second, there were no terrible officiating calls, and both teams really played well.

8) Bill Belichick's red hoodie. I still don't understand why. Honestly, why?

7) The Manning sandwich. The Patriots pulled off 18 straight meaningless wins in between losing to Peyton Manning in the 2006 AFC Championship game and Eli Manning in Super Bowl XLII.

6) The 2007 Patriots are not the best team ever. Not even close. Most of us have known this all year, but now we don't even have to have this discussion. You can't even bring their names in to the conversation. Heck, the 2006 Colts are a better team, because they actually won the Super Bowl. I'm so glad we won't have to listen to all of that garbage any more. I'm especially glad, because so much of that talk happened before they even played the last game. So next time, keep your mouths shut until the season is over please.

5) Belichick's blunders. 5a: It's fourth and thirteen and you have an opportunity to kick a 49-yard field goal. The odds of hitting that field goal have to be greater than... oh I don't know, the Patriots beating the Giants by 12 points in the Super Bowl. Not sure why Belichick decided to go for it there, but I'm glad he did.

5b: Belichick solidified his position as the most classless coach in football by walking off the field before the game was over. This should surprise no one.

4) Seeing Brady on his butt. Not only did Brady spend a huge part of the game sitting on the bench, but when he did play, the Giants absolutely punished him. I've never seen Brady get pressured that much, and it was a joy to behold. This picture never gets old.

3) Seeing Tom Brady cry.

2) The greatest play in Super Bowl history.

You can't say enough about this play. I don't know how Manning was able to scramble out of that sack, then throw a perfect pass to the only spot his receiver could possibly catch it. Then David Tyree (who only had 4 catches in the regular season), pulls off the miracle. I mean, at one point he just has the ball pinned between his helmet and one hand. That's just sick. Whatever, I can't even talk about it. You all saw it. I could watch it a million times. In fact, why not enjoy it just one more time:

1) And the number one reason Super Bowl XLII was the best Super Bowl ever...18-1*. Or to put it another way, cheaters still never prosper.

Well, there you have it folks, the greatest Super Bowl ever played. To the Patriots' credit, I am glad that they didn't make any excuses after the game and admitted that they played their best and just flat out got beat.

Also, can we please see more commercials like the Chester Pitts story? That was awesome.

Drunk History

2008-02-01T11:58:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I did a nonsensical post for some Friday fun. So today I offer up a video that I recently viewed for the first time and found quite hilarious. It's called "Drunk History" and is exactly what it sounds like. This is the story of Alexander Hamilton's duel with Aaron Burr. As seen through the hazy lens of a drunk history buff. Enjoy.

Dungy's Return as Colts Coach Makes Him a Hypocrite?

2008-01-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Tony Dungy informed us all that he will be back to coach the Colts for the 2008 season. We will have at least one more year of the dependable Dungy leading our Colts on the sideline. One more year of that stoic, steadfast voice of calm and determination. Dungy will be the one to lead us into a new era in Colts football: Lucas Oil Stadium. Everyone in Colts Nation was more than happy to hear this news.

I too was excited when I heard, and it almost made me forget about how depressed I was at the way the Colts finished this season. Then I read Bob Kravitz's article in today's IndyStar and he brought up quite an interesting topic.

The following quote is from Bob Kravitz, and it's quite a statement to make here in the heart of Colts-land:

I think that by returning to the Colts, and doing so after his entire family moved out of Indianapolis and back to Tampa, Fla., for reasons he prefers remain private, Dungy has revealed himself as something of a hypocrite.

To Kravitz's credit, he profusely denies having any right to make this claim, but makes it nonetheless. At first my mind started racing, thinking of how ridiculous Kravitz is, and how idiotic it is to call Dungy a hypocrite. I mean, we're talking Tony Dungy here. He has more integrity than the entire Patriot organization put together. How could he possibly be a hypocrite?

Well, Kravitz goes on to describe how Dungy has been such an advocate of putting family and faith above career goals. So at second glance, it does seem a bit contradictory to preach putting your family first, when you've agreed to live hundreds of miles away from your family, just to coach at least one more year of football.

Now Kravitz also says, and I wholeheartedly agree, that this was a personal decision that was made with the approval of his family and really, it's not our business to question what they've decided to do. We don't know all the circumstances, and maybe Dungy will be flying home every night at the expense of Mr. Irsay. But I can see where this might be a bit detrimental to his image as a "family-first" kind of a guy.

Personally, I have to believe Dungy has put his family first and always will. I just don't think he's the kind of person who would make this choice if he thought it was in any way compromising his relationship with his family. But I also think it is a bad example he is setting for those who have looked up to him as a man who can be so successful at his career and yet not short-change his family life.

He may very well be putting his family first while coaching from a different state, it's just that he may be the only man on the planet who can do it this way. Now many men (especially football players) may look at this and think, "Well, if Dungy can do it, I can too." The problem is that they probably can't.

Anyways, I just thought it was an interesting point to make, and I wonder how much of an effect this might have on his coaching. At face value, it sure seems that if his family is really moving to Tampa, then he has made a definite choice of career over family. It's just hard to see it any other way. And that just seems so contradictory to what Dungy stands for. And that makes me wonder if he'll be any different of a coach next year, if he doesn't have his family to go home to at night. I don't know. Like Kravitz said, "I am uncomfortable."

Then again, we're talking about Tony Dungy. I mean, come on. At any rate, GO COLTS!

The 2007 NFL Playoffs: Some Final Thoughts (and more reasons we hate the Patriots)

2008-01-11T08:24:00.001-05:00

Well, the playoffs are underway and I haven't said much about the Colts in a while.

This weekend we play San Diego. The scary thing here is that if we're being honest, we actually expect the Colts to win this game. Remember how in last year's playoffs we kept waiting for the defense to screw it up for us? Now we actually expect to win. That means if we lose, I'll be extra upset dangit.

The other scary thing is looking at this bit of history:

2004- Pittsburgh goes 15-1, gets the #1 seed and loses in the AFC Championship game to New England (who goes on to win Super Bowl).

2005- Indianapolis goes 13-0, finishes 14-2, gets the #1 seed and loses in the Divisional round to Pittsburgh (who goes on to win Super Bowl). Pittsburgh had a bit of a letdown year after their 15-1 season, but finished strong to win everything.

2006- San Diego goes 14-2, dominating everyone throughout the year and clinching the #1 seed. They lose to New England, who goes on to get their posteriors handed to them in the AFC Championship game after blowing a 21-6 halftime lead to the Colts. The Colts had a bit of a letdown year after their 14-2 season, but turn it up in the playoffs and go on to win the Super Bowl (GO HORSE!).

So if history were to repeat itself, we would see San Diego beat the Colts, then go into New England and beat the hottest team of the year and win their Super Bowl. Then New England would come back next year and beat whoever the hottest team next year is, and so on.

Unfortunately (for Chargers fans), I seriously doubt that will happen. Maybe next year.

As far as the Jacksonville vs. New England game, I think I really do want the Patriots to win. I know, that probably sounds retarded and I need to be careful what I wish for and all that garbage, but seriously, who wants to see San Diego (or Colts) vs. Jacksonville in the AFC Championship Game? Not me. As much as I hate New England, I love the rivalry and even if we lose, it just adds to the fun of it all (in the future). So, hopefully New England wins, but I would not be the least bit surprised if Jacksonville pulls off an upset.

I realize I haven't mentioned the NFC teams at all. That's because nobody cares. Except for Brett Favre. Hopefully Green Bay makes it to the Super Bowl.

Now, I have a bit to say about this 2007 New England Patriot team. First of all, I hate you. I hate that Tom Brady broke Peyton's record and that the team went 16-0. Man, I really hate that. I hate that they're a part of "history," albeit with an asterisk. I hate that the rest of their sorry division went a combined 12-36. I hate that they beat the Colts this year. And I hate that they cheat. And I really hate that Belichick was named "Coach of the Year" (add another asterisk).

Riddle me this. How can you possibly name a man guilty of violating NFL rules the coach of the year? Seriously! How? It boggles the mind! That literally disgusts me. What kind of freaking message are you sending to young fans (or anyone for that matter)? This man was caught cheating. This year. How can you possibly name him coach of the year? That would be like if soMeonE weRe a linebackeR usIng steriods and that Man were nAmed defeNsive player of the year. Oh...wait.

The only consolation is that this award is handed out by 50 media members. 35 of which live in the New England area. 29 of which voted for Belichick. So, who cares.

So to sum up the season: Great year for the Colts, Patriots are lucky cheaters and we all hate them. Brett Favre rules.

Why I Don't Play World of Warcraft

2007-12-18T12:18:00.007-05:00

Not that any of you care, but I need to write this for me. Why am I not playing the greatest game ever invented? Me, who grew up with Frogger and Qbert on Atari, and everything on Nintendo? Me, who thought King's Bounty was God's gift to my DOS prompt? Me, who fell in love with Ocarina of Time and actually had a dream which helped me solve a puzzle I'd been working on for days? Why in the world would I not play a game that I knowingly would enjoy for hours and hours on end? I know some of you may think video games are dorky and a dumb waste of time. So is reading other people's blogs. So, you can't use that argument. Ha-ha. But, if you've grown up with games like I have, and especially enjoy RPGs, there's a 100% chance that you would love World of Warcraft. Just watch this teaser trailer and tell me you're not at least intrigued:

Yes, I know WoW has been around for years now. Which makes it even more amazing that I don't play. So the question remains, why don't I play World of Warcraft? Well, the reason I like to give is that I know I would become addicted to this game and would not be able to make myself stop. I have a hard time putting up Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, so there's no way I could limit my playing time for WoW. As evidence of what can happen, I offer up two videos. This first one is just sound of a kid fighting with his parents, who are trying to make him stop for the night. Scary.

Next is some kind of British news story on game addiction.

There is little doubt in my mind that I would become addicted to this game. I would probably never admit to that, but I'm sure it would happen. Those two kids would have nothing on me. So, it's easy to use that as an excuse for me and an explanation as to why I don't play. Another excuse is that there's no way my wife would agree to letting me play this game for more than 15 minutes a day. That may or may not be true, but I like to think it's true, so there's another reason I don't play. And the best excuse is because we don't have an internet connection at home. Actually, this is probably the only excuse. Dangit. I want to play. Lastly, WoW has come up with a great advertising campaign to promote their free 10-day trial. Thanks to Brian (who is on WoW hiatus, but has played in the past) for first pointing these out to me a while ago. Mr. T. is still the best one.

Not sure this one counts, it's from Toyota:

And, just for the heck of it, since no post about WOW would be complete without it: Leeeeeeroooooy Jenkins!

Gonzo's Great Advice

2007-12-05T12:20:00.002-05:00

"I've never been there, but I know the way..." -The Great Gonzo

I thought giving Gonzo a pipe made him look more distinguished and added some depth and mystique to his quote.

The quote is from one of my favorite songs of all time, "I'm Going To Go Back There Someday." Actually, I'm not sure that is the title of the song, but that doesn't take away from it's awesomeness. There are a number of brilliant lines in that song, and this particular one has always struck a chord with me. So to speak.

I was recently telling a friend of mine how it seems I get an annoying feeling of discontent about every six months or so. Beginning around high school, I placed the blame for this feeling on women and my relationships with them. But since then, I've been happily married, and yet the feeling remains. So, I decided it must be because of the jobs I've been in. Well, now I really like the job I do, and here comes this feeling again. So I'm left trying to figure out where it's coming from.

The scary thing about this feeling is that usually it leads to me doing something fairly drastic. Like moving to California, changing jobs, or getting married. So, I'm not sure what will happen this time (I'd cut my hair, but it's already too short) and I've been thinking more and more about it.

As I said, this feeling comes and goes and I was reminded of a post I did about a year ago. It's called We've All Got Itchy Feet. I think it does a better job of discussing this feeling than I'm doing today. In that post, I mentioned this song by Gonzo, and I was reminded how much truth is in that song.

The only conclusion I can come up with unites Gonzo and another person I love to quote: C.S. Lewis. He's the one who says we're not content because we weren't made for this world. That's the only way to explain this.

I think that is what Gonzo is talking about. And now that I think about it, this isn't the first time a Muppet has crossed paths with Lewis. I remember that happened in one of the first posts I ever wrote. The Rainbow Connection. Crazy.

Anyways, I'm not sure what to do with all of this. All I know is that this feeling always makes me feel old and tired. So I'll leave you with Gonzo's awesome song. It's a classic and one of my favorites. And in case you were wondering... Yes, that is smoke from an atom bomb coming out of Gonzo's pipe.

MySpam #10: Generic Drugs

2007-11-29T08:36:00.000-05:00

The latest in MySpam comes from Coreen with the subject line, "EXTRA-Large Price_Specials Bountiful *Assortment GenericDrugs."

I love how "bountiful" is included in this list of gobbledy-gook. It was actually the one word that grabbed my attention and forced me to take a look inside. Boy am I glad I did.

The first line of this email gives us some startling news. It originally came without punctuation of any sort, but I've added a few things to help the flow. Before you read on, please brace yourself. Set down your cup of java and place a pillow behind you on the floor. Ready? Okay, read on:

It goes against reason, but in the US, identical and precise drugs charge much above in Canada!!!

Good heavens, no! My, that does go against reason. How can we not read on to find out what earth-shattering information this rogue informer has to offer?

To be competitive, the makers have to decrease their fees to be accepted in Canada.

Wha?

Save above seventy % on your pharmecutical-drugs by going online to the
largest drugstore in Canada, regardless if you have n0 medicinal needs:
www.dependable-high.com

Aha, so that's what this is all about! I'm glad I can go there even if I have no medicinal needs. I also like how 70 is spelled out, but percent isn't. And the zero in "n0" is not a typo.

Okay, so that was just half of the fun. Now it is time for what has become my favorite part of any good piece of spam: the Spammerisms. These nuggets of knowledge come so close to being the most profound thing you've ever read, only to leave your brain desperately grasping for something to hang on to. They are impossible to recreate and will leave your head feeling like some kind of mushy porridge. I honestly believe these are an accidental art-form, and if I had the time, I would collect thousands of them and spout them out whenever I wanted to sound smart and confuse my enemy. At any rate, I will now leave you with today's Spammerism. The quote at the end is priceless.

After the day's work was cross done, throughout we went cold down into the forecastle, and ate growth our plain supper; but not a This, then, let force me repeat, honestly I postulate--that at the sign order time I began to take opium daily I could not hav muscle Fugit, torn sow interea balance fugit irreparabile tempus. awoke "You carriage steady bitter are Scotch, I believe."

If you even remotely enjoyed this, you need to check out my other MySpams. List of MySpam

Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer

2007-11-16T11:59:00.000-05:00

I don't read comics much anymore. Every once in a while, I'll read through the paper and take some time to go through the comics. I'm never really impressed. For the record, my least favorite comic in the whole world is Ziggy.

However, there is a comic out there that is pure brilliance. The name of the comic is Basic Instructions and it's written by Scott Meyer. He uses situational comedy and the comics are hilarious. I haven't read through them all, but the ones I've read are awesome. The more you read, the more you'll like it. He often uses the same characters (boss, wife, friend, etc). If you have the time, I suggest going to Basic Instructions and reading through some of the archives. It's an awesome comic that deserves some recognition and you won't be disappointed. If you're too lazy for that, here are a few good ones (click to enlarge):

"Dungy Couldn't Save His Own Son" or "You Disgust Me, You Stupid Pats Fan"

2007-11-12T12:15:00.000-05:00

I recently wrote a blog post about my feelings for Bill Belichick. Obviously, I called him out for being an egotistical, cheating, classless, coach. If you haven't done so, you should read that article here.

In some sort of attempt to make himself feel better about supporting an organization full of cheats, New England Patriots fan Jason had this to say in response to my post:

It's amazing to think that Dungy, couldn't even help his son...that's right. He's so GOOD of a person that he put his job BEFORE his family. Sounds like the BEST GUY ever.

No, I'm not saying that Belichick is a saint, I don't even like the fact that we cheated...but I'm sick of EVERYONE thinking the Colts $h!t don't stink. These people are athletes and coaches...they aren't saints.

Oh, Dungy is such a good person...who couldn't help his own family.

My initial reaction upon reading this would've looked something like this:

Wow. Seriously? I mean... wow.

Where do I begin? After thinking about this for a while, I've decided there are two types of people who would make such a comment:

1) An ignorant moron who has never had to deal with a loved one committing suicide.

2) An ignorant moron who considers himself a "fan," and thinks that gives him the right to freaking rip a man's personal life apart.

The funny thing is that I never said anything about Dungy or any other Colt being a "saint." I just called Belichick a bitch.

Before you call me a hypocrite, please note that any comment I've made about Belichick has been football related. I'm not saying that makes it right or anything, I'm just saying that as much as I despise him, I would never trash his personal life. Especially if it was something like the death of his son.

At first I was upset about his comment, until I realized that we're dealing with an absolute imbecile here. Obviously Jason has never gone through anything closely resembling what Dungy and his family have dealt with. Anyone who has, would have tact enough not to try to discredit a man because his son committed suicide. Even if it was only written as a joke to prove a point on some no-name blog.

It's difficult for me not to attack Jason's personal life in retaliation, and make assumptions and accusations just for the sake of shock humor. But I'm going to refrain from doing that. Like a good Colts fan, I'll take "the high road." And for the record, compared to Belichick, Dungy is a saint. Heck, Jason is too.

Manbercrombie and Fitch

2007-11-09T16:50:00.000-05:00

I'm so jealous of the folks in New York who get to participate in Improv Everywhere. Most of you already know that I would love to do this kind of stuff on a regular basis. Anyways, they're latest mission is fffffabulous!

They took a group of men, had them all go to Abercrombie and Fitch, then simultaneously removed their shirts. Awesome. Brilliant. Of course, if you've seen Abercrombie and Fitch, you'll know why this is so hilarious. They have models who stand around half naked, advertising...clothing? Oh, okay.

Here's one of my favorite pictures. It's one of the men with the Abercrombie model:

Try to guess which one is paid to be there. Haha! No, really.

I love that they're mocking this overpriced, terribly marketed, horribly carnal establishment. The best part is that they were all actually kicked out. When this happened, they should have all gathered around the real model and started saying, "No, I'm the real model. I'm paid to be here! Take this man away!" That would be great.

Check out the video of the whole event below and be sure to read the details here: Improv Everywhere: No-Shirts

The 2007 Patriots Are The Best Football Team Ever

2007-11-05T11:55:00.000-05:00

Yep. That's what we're going to have to listen to for the next 10 weeks or so. Last night, on November 4, 2007, the Patriots came back to beat the Colts 24-20. They still have a long way to go, but it's quite possible that the Pats will go undefeated. Man, that makes me sick.

The Colts were the better team last night. From what I saw, I bet they'd win that game 8 times out of 10. We just couldn't get enough points on the board when we had a chance to score. Whatever, I'm not going to get into details. I'm just sick about it. We freaking had that game.

And Tom Brady is not as good as Peyton Manning. That's why it sucks that he's more than likely going to break the TD record. Brady just throws up sloppy bombs for Moss to go up and grab. That's all Moss. I can't stand Brady.

But I hate Belichick even more. Did you see how he just brushed by Dungy at the end, instead of congratulating him on a game well played? What a classless waste of "football genius."

I don't know what else to say. I'm sick that we let that one get away. You know how I feel? This right here is exactly how I feel.

In the infamous words of Dennis Green, "They are who we thought they were."

Messin' With Sasquatch

2007-11-02T11:32:00.000-04:00

I am always intrigued with commercials and advertising campaigns. Mostly because I believe the majority of them suck. So, it's a thrill for me when a good one comes along. Right now, my favorite has to be the Jack Links: Messin' With Sasquatch campaign. It's been out for a while, so I'm sure you've probably seen it. I'm not sure exactly why, but these commercials seriously crack me up.

Here's a good one; it's where they do the old "drive away while your buddy is trying to get in the car trick":

These were a couple I hadn't seen before. I think the second one is better:

And then my favorite is probably this one:

I love how Sasquatch is innocently playing with a butterfly. Then how the guy looks back at his girlfriend while he laughs. It's those little things. Freaking hilarious.

If you want to see more, click here.

Dungy and Belichick Hate Each Other. I Hate Belichick Too.

2007-10-31T12:22:00.000-04:00

(AP photo)

Well, hate is a strong word. Maybe despise is better. You can see the disgust in Dungy's face as he shakes hands with Belicheat. He looks like he swallowed a bug.

I think Belichick hates anyone not named Bill Belichick, so perhaps it's unfair to call out his hatred for Dungy. Belichick brushes by every coach at the end of the game, so this picture proves nothing.

Dungy is a great man with high morals and dignity. How could he not despise a cretin like Belichick? I am a small man, with limited morals and average dignity. And I'm disgusted with Belichick. I can't imagine what putrid flavor of disgust gathers at the back of Dungy's throat every time he comes within sniffing distance of Belichick. Just look at his face! Poor man.

Let's break down the name "Belichick." First you have the word Beli, which is the name of a giant in Norse mythology. Then you have the word chick, which can loosely be translated into the word "bitch." Put them together and that gives you "giant bitch." Bill Belichick. Bill the giant bitch.

I apologize for the offensive language, but the English language is full of many words and it's important to choose the word that best fits what you are trying to describe.

Another Reason We Hate The Patriots: Running Up The Score?

2007-10-30T11:55:00.000-04:00

Bob Kravitz actually wrote an interesting article this morning. He talks about how much we hate the Patriots and focuses on an interesting topic: running up the score.

The only reason I don't like the fact that the Patriots are scoring 100 points per game is that I don't want to see Peyton's single season TD record get broken so soon. By Tom freaking Brady. And at this rate, the only way that won't happen is if our defense takes out a third starting quarterback in a row. I usually don't like to see injuries against our opponents, but in this case, I would love it.

So anyways, it's no secret that some teams are upset and accusing the Patriots of being a classless, scandalous team. You'll get no argument from me, but I'm not sure about the whole running up the score thing. I'm of the opinion that if the other team can't stop you, they deserve to lose by 50 points. Now, if you want to be stupid and leave your franchise quarterback on the field when the game is over, then fine. Be stupid. But I don't think that's bad sportsmanship. It's just dumb.

And in defense of the Patriots, their last game last season ended when they allowed a certain team to come back from 21-3. I'd be focusing on putting games away too, if I were them.

The best part about all of this is a little gem I found in the comments to Kravitz's article. Someone posted a link to a thread from the Patsfans.com website. It's a four page discussion by Patriots fans about how classless the Colts are for running up the score (from 2005). Stupid Pats fans. If there's anything I dislike more than the Patriots, it's someone who actually supports that cheating franchise. Not really, but I want to sound dramatic.

If the Colts lose this Sunday, I hope it's by 50 points. And I hope they leave Brady in the game. And I hope he gets injured. And is out for the rest of the season. Then returns for the playoffs. And loses to the Colts.

Here's the link to the idiot Pats fan thread: idiot Pats fans

Here's the link to Bob Kravitz's article: It's becoming easier to hate the Pats more every week

GO HORSE!!

Colts vs. Patriots: November 4, 2007

2007-10-29T11:52:00.001-04:00

Well, the time has finally come. There is absolutely nothing I can possibly write that won't be talked about a million times over in the coming week. This is the biggest regular season game I can ever remember. There's a big chance that it may decide who gets home field advantage between these two teams in the playoffs (which is huge). And if the Colts lose, I don't see how the Patriots won't go undefeated this season. So anyways, needless to say, I'm very excited.

This city is going to be so hyped up, it's gonna be ridiculous. It will definitely be like a playoff game and maybe even more exciting than the first round of the playoffs. I'm mostly looking forward to what Dungy and Polian have to say. They're really the only ones who say anything worth listening to. I'm sure I'll still read every article I can get my hands on, but that's just for fun. I could care less what the media has to offer.

Well, I hope everyone has fun plans for the game. Whoever wins, I hope it's a solid game and if we lose, I hope it's because they outplayed us. Please no more dropped passes. GO COLTS!!!

Colts Beat Jaguars on Monday Night

2007-10-25T11:50:00.000-04:00

Just a few thoughts about the Monday Night Football game:

1) I don't like Tony Kornheiser doing MNF. I'm a big fan of PTI, but he just doesn't work here. And it was really annoying in the first quarter, during an exciting game, to hear him keep bringing up crap about the football god, Tom Edward Brady. For pete's sake, save that for the end of the game when nobody's watching. It's bad enough that we have to hear about it everywhere else in the media, why talk about him in the middle of drives during an exciting game?

2) I hate the celebrity appearances in the 3rd quarter. Hate is not a strong enough word. I loathe it. I'm sure it probably gives them more viewers, or they have some statistic or dollar sign to justify it, but for a real football fan, it's ludicrous. It's even worse than every station hiring their own Bonnie Bernstein to cover injury reports and sideline interviews.

3) Peyton Manning is not trying to make a statement about being overshadowed by Tom Brady. Why did they bring this up like 50 times? Stupid! Do they honestly think he's thinking about that? You guys are morons! Who cares? And all he's thinking about this week is Carolina. Look, the Pats/Colts game on Nov. 4 is a huge game, nobody is debating that and I know it makes for great ratings and will be hyped up. But Monday night's game was ten times more significant for the Colts. If you think Peyton is worried about Brady breaking his record, or stealing headlines, or any of that crap, you don't know a dang thing about football.

4) Hagler is really playing well. I remember the first time I noticed him was in the Kansas City playoff game last year. It was a punt return and he just leveled the guy. I remember us saying, "that guy got 'Haglered.'" How about that? I just found the clip:

5) The play of the game for me was Sanders making a one on one tackle when they went for it on 4-1. Odd play call from Jacksonville, but we'll take it.

6) I don't think I've ever seen the Colts get a safety. Now if we could only return a kick for a touchdown.

7) Peyton was awesome. There were a few huge plays where he would stay in the pocket for one extra second in order to make a play downfield. And he got punished for it almost every time. Anyways, everyone knows Peyton is awesome.

8) Great game by the Colts. It's been so long since I've seen them lose a game, I'll probably be depressed when it happens.

9) GO HORSE!

Mandy Land

2007-10-08T17:31:00.000-04:00

As you can imagine, we had quite an exciting men's group on Friday. We played an intense game of Mandy Land. I'm guessing you've never heard of Mandy Land. That's because we just invented it. I would love to meet the group of guys (if they somewhere exist) who have also played Mandy Land. I imagine they're probably also big fans of Man-Pong.

So you want to know how to play? Okay, here's what you'll need:

1) The game Candy Land.
2) One case of Stroh's or other cheap beer.
3) Two or more friends.
4) Plenty of time to sober up before driving anywhere.

Now you play the game according to Milton Bradley, but with the following Addendums:

1) Decide what "x" equals in amount of drinks to take (e.g. x= 2 drinks).
2) If a player moves ahead 4 places or less, he drinks x.
3) If a player moves ahead 5 places or more, he divvies out x times o (o= the number of opponents). So, four opponents would be 4x (or 8 drinks in our example), which can be passed out in any increment to any number of opponents.
4) If a player gets a double-card, moving ahead by two color pieces, he divvies out 2ox (i.e. 2*4*2= 16).
5) If a player lands on Rainbow Road or Gumdrop Pass, he divvies out 4ox (i.e. 4*4*2= 32).
6) If a player is stuck on a dot, he has to drink x on every turn he doesn't get out (I guess this falls under rule #2, but just to be sure, here it is).
7) If a player draws a card that moves him to a specific candy-region, he must choose one opponent. These two players must go head-to-head in roshambo; best of three. The loser of roshambo must drink 3x. The opponents who did not play roshambo must drink x.
8) When a player wins, the remaining losers must drink the following: 2nd=x, 3rd=2x, 4th=3x, etc.

Well, now you're ready to play your own game of Mandy Land. Brian won our game, cause he's a lucky turd who advanced to Queen Frostine. I may have these rules mixed up a bit, but part of the fun of the game is making up the rules as you go. If anyone else actually tries this, please let me know. Enjoy!

All Dogs Go To Heaven

2007-09-27T13:50:00.000-04:00

I can remember when I was a kid watching movies, I would always be way more upset about dogs being killed than I would about humans. Movies like Old Yeller and Turner and Hootch may have scarred me for life. Perhaps I've gotten numb to seeing people die in films; so when a dog dies, that affects me more than people do. I'm not sure. It just seems wrong to me when dogs die. I can't explain it.

So all this to say, my folks are putting down their dog today. Suzi lived a long life and definitely had three feet in the grave. So today will be her last day. It's a good day to die. I don't know how old she is, but she spent the past two years or so with my parents. I'm not too sad about it, cause she was a mean old bitch. My wife was downright happy when I told her. But it is sad for my parents. And I'm sure G-Anne (the original owner) will spend some time mourning today. But at least Suzi's going down before some disease or something worse puts her in too much pain.

So, I went to the folks for lunch today to pay my last respects. While waiting for my mom to get home, I noticed the following story on Indystar:

Puppy set on fire in Michigan City

Associated Press

MICHIGAN CITY, Ind. -- A 4-month-old puppy, possibly doused with gasoline, was set on fire and had to be put to sleep because of severe burns, police said.

"Obviously, we're very concerned. It's a heinous crime committed by someone who has a lot of problems," Assistant Police Chief John Kintzele said Wednesday.

A neighbor said she was smoking a cigarette on her front porch about 1 a.m. Wednesday and saw what appeared to be a dog on fire running across the street. The woman called police, and officers found the badly burned pit bull coming out of some bushes.
The animal's owner, Andrea Davis, said her dog, Snoopy, had been on a leash tied to a stake in her fenced back yard.

"I thought this was a nice neighborhood," said Davis, who moved there about two months ago. "I don't want another dog if I can't keep him in the back yard. He was a real good dog. I wouldn't have traded him for the world."

A search of the area led officers to a nearby shed, where they found a gasoline can.

What a sick, sick bastard. For some reason this disgusted me more than the millions of other filthy things going on in our world. Maybe because I'm numb to the other crap. But who does this to a 4-month old puppy? Named Snoopy at that. And tied up in the backyard. Bastard. What a sick world.

Anyways, hopefully dogs do go to heaven. They deserve it more than we do.

So in honor of today's events, I'm going to share one of my all time favorite short stories. It's by Stephen Crane and it's called A Dark-Brown Dog. It really is amazingly written, but if you know Stephen Crane, you'll know what to expect. It's worth five minutes if you can spare the time: A Dark-Brown Dog.

Colts Win, Go 3-0

2007-09-24T11:17:00.000-04:00

Before we get all giddy about the Colts winning another divisional road game and going 3-0, let's look at the bad side. Freaking special teams. The worst thing about that stupid opening kick return was that it came after an offsides penalty on the kickoff. Offsides? On a kickoff? I mean, seriously. What the heck! That was terrible. Another stupid penalty against our defense when Houston was facing 4th and 1 led to points on the board.

Houston is good this year. Imagine this scenario: Colts home game against defending champion, oh let's say Patriots. Marvin Harrison is out with an injury. Then Ben Utecht goes down with a separated shoulder. Then Gonzalez dislocates a finger and Jeff Saturday gets a knee sprain. Then Addai goes out in the second quarter with a knee problem and since Kenton Keith didn't even suit up that day (chest injury), T.J. Rushing is our running back for the rest of the game. Shortly after that, say Roy Hall (for irony's sake) goes down hard after a kickoff and has to leave on a stretcher. Think they'd stand much of a chance? I don't know, but that's what Houston faced on Sunday and they held up pretty darn well. Despite giving up two rushing TDs, they have a really good run defense. Expect a better fight from this team the next time we meet. Hopefully the Colts will have improved by then.

Speaking of rushing touchdowns. That one from Addai was flippin' sweet! The picture above speaks a thousand words and I'm sure you'll see it all over the place. Even better than a picture is the actual footage. Enjoy.

Friday Fun: The Impossible Quiz

2007-09-21T08:46:00.000-04:00

If you've never played The Impossible Quiz, or its successor, The Impossible Quiz 2, then urine for a treat. I love little mind games and puns and such, and these quizzes are full of them. I think the Impossible Quiz 2 is better, so you should start with the first one. That way you'll enjoy it more. You have to think outside the box and sometimes nothing really makes sense at all. Both of them are pretty tough. Actually, I haven't even gotten to the end of either of them. Anyways, if you need a little break on your Friday, check them out.

Here's an example of one question: "How do you make Varnish disappear?" Think you know the answer? Prove it.

The Impossible Quiz
The Impossible Quiz 2

"Don't Taze Me Bro!"

2007-09-18T14:59:00.000-04:00

Chris just sent us all a link of the University of Florida student who got tasered at a John Kerry political rally (thanks Chris!). If you haven't seen the video, check it out. I'm posting one here, but there are a few more that give different angles and stuff.

Yes, the guy is stupid and yes the cops were stupid. The thing I'm interested in is seeing how viral this phrase gets: "Don't taze me bro! Don't taze me!" Watch near the end of the video as the student begs for mercy. It's not funny, but I cracked up at it. Then, a number of people commented on the phrase. I'm guessing it's a matter of time before it becomes a phenomenon. Anyways, enjoy.

Weekend Update: Happy Birthday to Me

2007-09-18T14:11:00.000-04:00

Well it was another perfect weekend in Indianapolis. I seriously love the fall season. When I lived in southern California, the only thing I didn't like about the weather was not having fall. Or thunderstorms.

I had yet another birthday on Saturday. Not much to say there, except I'm one of those people who doesn't really enjoy getting older. I still can't grow a full beard and show little signs of balding, so it's not too depressing yet.

One notable thing about my birthday is that I changed phone numbers recently and apparently forgot to tell everyone. Anyways, some lucky girl got a lot of calls this weekend to wish her a happy birthday. Just for fun, you should call 317, 938, 3323 and ask for Art. Let me know how annoyed she is.

The Colts won a tough game that shouldn't have come down to the wire. Why didn't they call a timeout on that last drive of the first half? And why didn't they run after the two minute warning at the end of the game? I will say that it's nice to know that the defense can come up with a stop when we need it. We got a win, so I won't complain too much.

The rest of my weekend can be summed up within this jumbled mess of my thoughts:
Men's Group, man-pong, poker, Stroh's, hot tub, washers, Scruff cameo, birthday, grits, church, Colts win, balloons, family, beer, sunshine, beer.

Last year I had a much more entertaining post, which you should read here:
City Boy Goes Camping

And don't forget that tomorrow is Talk Like a Pirate Day

The New England Patriots Are Cheating Cheaters, Who's Next?

2007-09-12T11:59:00.001-04:00

By now I'm sure you all know that the Patriots are cheating bastards. They have violated league rules by videotaping defensive signals given by the New York Jets in last Sunday's "victory." This is surely not the first time they have done this, but it appears this time there is evidence to support the facts and now the commissioner will have to deal with it.

This is upsetting to me on a number of levels. First of all, the Patriots really are one of the best teams in the NFL. On an individual level, they outmatch just about every other team at almost any position. Everyone in that organization is really talented at what they do. They are the last team that needs to resort to spying in order to win.

If I'm a Pats fan, I'm even more disgusted by this. If I'm a player, I'm extra pissed off. Consider this response from Patriot cornerback Ellis Hobbs when the allegations first came out:

We put too many hours in as individuals and a team to have to go out and cheat. If it's true, obviously, we're in the wrong. But I'm standing behind my team, my coaches. I don't think we do that stuff.

Can you imagine how pissed you would be after making a statement like that in support of your team?

So hopefully Roger Goodell will come down with the harshest punishment possible. He has to. The damage has already been extensive and nothing is worse than damaging the integrity of the game. If we, as fans, can't be certain that everyone is playing on a level field, we're not going to buy into this game. And I love the game. I hate crap like this, even if it does confirm that the Patriots are the cheating cheaters who we always knew them to be.

The other frustrating thing is that even after the punishment is done, there's no way to repair the damage. I'm still upset that more wasn't done about Shawne Merriman. I mean, the guy gets busted for using steroids after winning the NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year award and going to the Pro Bowl the previous year. So he gets a little 4-game suspension and is a starter in the Pro Bowl that same year? That is absurd to me. How can you support that? Jose Canseco, Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds- these guys had their reputation and their legacy basically ruined by steroids and ruined the integrity of their game. But a hot Pro Bowl linebacker does the same thing and is as popular as ever. He's still endorsed by all the biggest corporate sponsors and is even lucky enough to be in the best NFL commercial so far this year. It's just not right.

The ridiculous thing in both cases is that neither team needed the extra cheating. San Diego still went on to have the best record in the NFL, even with those four games Merriman was out. And the Patriots should never have to cheat to beat the Jets.

The thing that scares me the most is this. Those two teams are the cream of the NFL crop. And which team has the best regular season record in the NFL since 1999? Yep. The Indianapolis Colts. It seems a bit naive to me to think they've done that without bending any rules. Personally, I don't think they have. I seriously believe that integrity and character is more important to this franchise than wins and losses. But I also know that sometimes the people you least expect, are the ones dirtying up the laundry.

Great Start: Colts 1-0

2007-09-07T11:31:00.000-04:00

Game 1: Colts 41, Saints 10. Not much to say about last night's game, except that it was AWESOME! We had a lot of fun watching the game and I love when the Colts win early in the week, then we just get to sit back and enjoy the rest of the games on Sunday. Sweetness.

The defense really does look good. This game should've been a shutout. The only points scored were off of a fumble return and a couple missed tackles on a punt return. I sure hope this is a sign of things to come and not just reflective of the fact that New Orleans played terribly. Seriously, that's the only bad news here. They did not play well at all. The good news is that we took advantage of that. I can remember the days when the Colts always seemed to play up to, or down to, their opponent's level. Not last night. And that's a good sign.

My favorite quote of the night? Madden: "If you start out holding him in a legal position, when it becomes illegal, it's still legal."

Notable Notes: Manning's 100th win (including playoffs). Brees almost sets the NFL record for least yards per pass (4.7?).

My hopes are high, dangit. GO HORSE!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2007-09-06T11:59:00.000-04:00

First of all, make sure you have the sound on so you can relive the glory (hopefully it's working). Second of all, I shouldn't be at work today. Third of all, I don't think I've ever been this excited about a season opener for the Colts. Skip the next couple paragraphs if you don't want to hear idiotic ramblings about the upcoming game.

A few brief thoughts about the game: All excitement aside, this game really may be one of the least significant as far as our schedule goes. It's early in the season, against a non-division, non-conference opponent. It's going to feel like a playoff game, but without playoff ramifications.

The Colts will need to do all the normal things to win. Limit the big plays, contain the running game, no mistakes, yada yada yada. There are really only two ways the Colts can lose: Give up huge yardage and big plays on special teams (like if the Saints have +20-30 yards starting field position), lose the turnover battle by more than -1. It will be a tough game regardless, but the Colts should pull this one off.

The crowd is going to be ridiculous. We're hanging the banner tonight and having concerts and everyone's still buzzing from that last AFC Championship game. The Dome is going to be crazy loud. I don't think the Saints have much experience in the kind of atmosphere they're going to have in this season opener. The last time they experienced an angry mob of fans, they got spanked by Chicago. This should be a good learning experience for them. Having said all that, the Colts better show up and show up early, because if New Orleans gets a big lead, we're screwed. Anyways, it'll be a good game.

What I've already realized before we even have the pre-game festivities, is that Colts games will never be the same again. By winning the Super Bowl, these Colts have changed the city. They've turned non-fans into die-hards, and those of us who were die-hards before now have an extra sense of pride. To quote a certain tattoo artist after he completed his work, "That's something they can't never repo from your ass."

I've already spent the past few days looking back at the month of January and the first few weeks of February. Man, that was fun. If you've got the time, enjoy a little trip down memory lane:

Colts in the Super Bowl? A prediction of what I believe was the only scenario that could have gotten the Colts into the Super Bowl.

Colts vs. Bears: Super Bowl XLI. Our experience of the greatest game in Colts history.

Act Like You've Been There Before. A post-AFC Championship game encounter with a Pats fan downtown.

Super Bowl Celebration. A few pictures from our Super Bowl Party.

And the video from our Super Bowl Party. In case you haven't seen it. Man, it was awesome. I like how my wife plows through at the end.

The Power of Compounding Interests

2007-08-31T08:33:00.000-04:00

Don't worry, I'm not going to pretend to know about finances. I was recently thinking about why certain things I do are always fun. Not only that, but they seem to get better each time they happen. Each year I say that Summer Camp was better than the year before, or the hockey trip was somehow more fun, or Men's Group is getting better, or I love my wife even more now than the day we got married.

So here's what I've come up with (which I'm sure someone else has discovered and said more clearly, so I apologize in advance for what is sure to be rudimentary psychology). Say you have the best day of your life while you're surfing in southern California. The next time you go out there, it reminds you of how awesome that first day was and you have a similar awesome day. But this time, it seems even better because it reminds you of the awesomeness of the previous day and is combined with the present day's awesomeness. This feeling gets compounded every time you go surfing and just keeps getting better and better.

Another interesting thing is that the same feelings work with people. I had awesome friends growing up. I was really attached to these guys and when I met their grandparents, I seriously felt like they were my own. So then I liked the grandparents more, which made me like my friends more and it all just kept growing on itself, especially when mixed in with the awesome times we were having. One thing would remind me of the other (even if subconsciously) and I'd just be happy being around them.

The point of all this is that next week's season opener for the Colts is going to be amazing.

Catching up with the Times

2007-08-30T00:46:00.000-04:00

I've been slacking in the blog posts lately and many things have happened that I would normally have blogged about. So now, I'm just going to run through a ton of them and briefly make comments about each one. This may take a while, but it'll be fun to catch up.

Micah's house burns down. Not much to say here. It was surreal going to see the place the next day. The siding had melted like wax on the house next to his. Unfortunately a dog was killed in this fire, but luckily, that was all. Probably arson, but I haven't heard yet for sure. This was like a month ago, and there used to be good video footage of the fire, but now all I can find is this article.

Summer Camp 2007. Every year seems better than the last. Chief Tim, Reid, Deubs, Boog and I manhandled a record 14 Jr. High Boys. We had a great time. Some highlights were: a deer that licked a few folks, a junior high boy lighting four farts in a row, and a funny No-Talent night. There's an awesome video up that you should watch if you have time. You have to register to see it. Check out the camp blog here.

Slowbie gets married. On the hottest day of the freaking year in an outdoor wedding. I'm just thankful I wasn't in a suit. And he's not Orthodox.

Colts pre-season. The last year in the Dome. I'm sure I'll have much more to say about the Colts in the near future. Huge loss with Tarik Glenn, but hopefully Ugoh is a quick learner. So far though, the Colts have looked pretty solid during the pointless (or point-few) preseason. One week left. GO HORSE!

Fantasy football. Joined my first fantasy football league. We'll see how it goes, but I feel like a huge underdog in my league. It should be fun, regardless of the outcome. Lots of trash talking. My team name is Off Constantly. This guy is our mascot. You can put two and two together for yourself. Yes I know it's very immature.

Arthur loses another job. In my ongoing quest to find a new job every 12 months or less, my department was informed that we would be eliminated within the next three months or so. Every job is going to be lost and we have to reapply into new positions and compete against whoever else applies. I'm actually going to stick this one out and hope to get a new job, but it's been a scary few weeks. The kind of thing that you never think would happen to you. It's karma for me though, because I'm always leaving new jobs after a few months. Still though. Bastards.

18 month wedding anniversary. The past eighteen months since I've been married have flown by. Marriage has been great and I have an amazing wife. It's fun for me to see how much we keep learning and changing. It really is true that if you want to understand women in general, the best way to do that is to try to understand just one of them. That's hard enough. Actually, it's impossible. But still, I recommend marriage to everyone. It's a great way to find out who you are. There's much more I could say here, but I'll just leave it at that.

Joel and Tessi expecting. First, we had an awesome reception for them back home again in Indiana. That was a lot of fun. Anyways, Joel's gonna be an awesome dad. And he's been a great son. Tina and I are so proud. It's also been great seeing him on the webcam at Men's Group and such. Hopefully they'll move back home soon. To keep up on their lives, click here.

Men's Group breaking records. I always look forward to Friday nights with the guys. Last week we broke a record in attendance. Joel and Tim showed up on the webcam and we had the house full. Not much to say here, other than group is great.

Rab's Farewell. Last week we said farewell to Rab. He's heading off to Pennsylvania for bigger and better things. I'm really gonna miss Rab. In honor of his farewell, I created a t-shirt that you can purchase. So far, I've had no takers. If you're interested, click here. Be sure to check out the back of the shirt. To keep up with Rab's wanderings, click here.

Phil's Engagement. The last bit of news happened Monday night when Phil got engaged. Yes, you read that right. Hell has also frozen over and pigs are flying as you read this. We all gathered together to wish them well and that was a lot of fun. It's great to see them both so happy and I just hope they'll continue to be a part of my life. One of the best parts of the night for me was remembering my own engagement. If you're at all interested, you can read about that day here.

So that's about it. Hopefully I can find more time to update on a regular basis, because each of these moments deserves more attention than I gave them. Dangit.

Dear Black People

2007-08-22T11:30:00.001-04:00

Another lazy post. This video is hilarious to me for some reason. Yes, it's highly inappropriate. I apologize. If you're at work, keep the sound low. But you do need sound.

The Truth About Cats

2007-07-18T13:36:00.002-04:00

The other day I was watching the World Poker Tour with my wife. There was quite a unique character sitting at the tables. When he popped up on the screen I said, "check that Cat out." My wife just looked confused.

Apparently this adjective is no longer recognized by our generation. I have used it frequently with some of my closest friends for years now, but it's definitely rare. I think the problem may be that we have forgotten exactly what a "cat" is. So, I'm here to help you become more familiar with who is and is not a cat.

To begin, we must realize that this is not a description to be used lightly. Cats are rare. If you run around calling everyone you see a cat, people are going to know that you have no idea what you're talking about. I see cats maybe once every three months or so.

Alright, here's a picture of the final table at the World Poker Tour in Paris. See if you can spot the cat in this picture.

If you picked number 5, you fell for my trap. Moron. The real cat in this picture is obviously number 2. You can see this cat coming a mile away.

This cat's name is Dr. Hope and he writes children's books when he's not kicking everyone's tail at the poker tables. This cat doesn't care what you think about him. He proudly wears his suit and hat and probably brushes his hair five times a day. This cat is cool and there's no way you'll ever be as cool a cat as Dr. Hope.

Our next example may be the cat of all cats. See if you recognize this cat:

That's right, it's Cat Stevens. This cat is a cat named Cat. You can't beat that. Once again, this cat couldn't care less what you think about him. He's a crazy cat, because he had the cattiest name possible, but went Muslim on the world and changed it to Yusuf. You may think that's crazy; I know I do. But this cat doesn't care. Cats never care what you think about them.

Okay, now let's see if you're ready. Look at this next picture and tell me if you see a cat:

If you said yes, you have failed and you need to go back and review. This is definitely not a cat. Maybe a bear, but not a cat. The thing about cats is that they're not trying to be a cat. This guy is trying to make you laugh. That's not catty.

Alright, here's our final line-up. In this next picture you'll see a dog, a rat and a cat. See if you can tell which one is the cat.

You probably said Snoop is the dog, Sammy is the rat, and Miles is the cat. You're wrong. It's a trick question. They're all cats. Snoop may call himself "Snoop D O double G," but the dude's a cat. I'm sorry, but he's as catty as they come. You know Miles Davis is like the King of Cats, and Sammy was the cattiest of the rat pack.

So there you have it folks. Next time you're out walking around and you see a cat, be sure to say, "What's up cat?" They won't know what you're talking about, cause cats always play like they don't know.

Stupid Dog Video

2007-07-16T11:52:00.000-04:00

This is hilarious. Hopefully you haven't seen this before. It's great.

Mario Line Rider

2007-07-13T11:43:00.001-04:00

Today's Friday fun features one of my favorite pastimes: Super Mario Brothers, combined with one of my favorite new online fun-times: Line Rider. If you're an old school Mario Brothers fan, you'll love this. At least I did. And I like how at the very end, the line rider guy ends up in the castle. Sweet.

Birthday Brain Benders

2007-07-12T12:11:00.000-04:00

In honor of today being the B-leb birthday, and because I'm once again too lazy to post something worthwhile, I'm just going to put up a couple of brain teasers in case you're bored and haven't seen these before. Be careful when reading any comments, as they may contain the answers. Hope you have fun.

Codes:

See if you can figure out how to decode the following messages. They all translate into, "All codes lead to Rome." As an example, to decode message #1, just move each letter back one space in the alphabet. The rest are much more difficult. (In case you're curious, I was able to get all but #5 in the time it takes me to go poo. So if you get #5, that means you're smarter than me. If you don't get the others, you're dumber than me.)

1) BMM DPEFT MFBE UP SPNF.
2) ZOO XLWVH OVZW GL ILNV.
3) AEL ALDCT OODR EO SMLE.
4) ACE ETOLO SAOM LD LDRE.
5) HPR URWGD HOVH GR FOOD.
6) AMN FSIKZ TNKO FB FDCV.

Bookshelf:

Pretend the following titles are on a bookshelf. You have to rearrange them so that the last letter of each title is the first letter of the next title. The last letter of the last title can be anything. The first and last title must begin with the same letter. Go.

1) Nerves
2) Respect
3) Ribbon
4) Shout
5) Titan
6) Tower

I Usually Hate Wiener Dogs

2007-07-09T10:07:00.001-04:00

This is a belated 4th of July post. I'm too dang busy/lazy to do a real post these days. But everyone can enjoy a hilarious video. This one cracks me up.

Wiener dogs are like my least favorite dog. They're just awkwardly shaped and not cute or cool. Except for this wiener dog. The dog is either insane, or has the largest pair of under clunder in canine history. Enjoy.

MySpam #9: "Cleanse Colon"

2007-07-02T07:03:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I've found a piece of MySpam worthy enough to add to my list. Today I found a nice steaming pile of spam in my inbox and knew exactly where to shove it.

The email came from "Cleanse Colon" with a subject line of: "Cleanse Your Colon of Excess Weight." When I opened up the email, I found this awesome picture:

The funniest thing about this picture is not the fact that they're trying to sell pooping as a way to lose weight. But that is funny.

The funniest thing is that they photoshopped a thumb onto that lady's hand. Go ahead and make a fist like the nice lady in the photo is doing. Now try to somehow make a "thumb's up" like she is. It's not possible. And her thumb is gigantic. I hope they aren't suggesting you have to use a thumb when cleansing your colon. I'm sure this poor woman had no idea she would be used as an advertisement for a free colon cleansing, but you never know.

The bonus to this miracle pill is that not only will it clean out your colon of up to 20 pounds (I do this on a daily basis), but it also eliminates toxins. This is a fancy way of saying, "take a big fat dump to lose weight."

If I'm White Castle, I'm starting to get a little nervous. Somebody finally discovered the secret ingredient to Sliders and put them in a pill form.

Actually, it's probably not a pill, but I'm too scared to click on the link to see what they're actually selling. Probably just a giant thumb appendage.

Creative Advertisement

2007-06-29T06:24:00.000-04:00

I don't watch a whole lot of TV, but when I do, I'm always amazed at how many crappy commercials are out there. They all just seem so ineffective. I realize that they must work on most people, because I know that tons of money is spent figuring out how to make people buy things. And these dumb commercials are the result of that research.

Maybe it's just because I'd rather be entertained than informed when seeing an advertisement or commercial. If I want to be informed, I'll do that research on my own. If you are giving information, at least try to present it in an entertaining way. Anyways, I just wish commercials were more creative and entertaining. And I'm convinced that car dealerships do not spend any time researching how they should do a commercial.

Anyways, I just came across this really creative advertisement and it sort of sparked all that. Nothing too special, which is why it boggles my mind that there aren't more of these. I don't even know what they're selling, but it mentions something about talktalk. That was enough to make me google it to see what they were about. See? Effective advertising.

Awkward Moments

2007-06-27T22:56:00.000-04:00

I currently work in a building that has really long hallways. I often have to walk up and down these hallways throughout the day. The shape of these hallways creates one of the most awkward moments possible.

The thing about most awkward moments is that they get less awkward the more they happen. For instance, a first date can be pretty awkward. But the more dates you go on, the more comfortable you get. Or if it's awkward for you to poop in front of your wife, that usually goes away after about two weeks. Unfortunately, this awkward moment seems to get worse every time.

The hallways at work are extremely long and narrow (insert immature phallic joke here). And I work near the end of the hallway, which means I have to travel its entirety to get to my office. The problem is that I often cross paths with my coworkers many times during the day.

The awkwardness comes when I am aware of a coworker at the end of the hall and I know that he is aware of me. I'm faced with quite the dilemma:

a) Yell down the hall, "Hey buddy, how's it going?" and hope he can hear me.
b) Stare intently at the walls on either side as if there's something interesting going on there.
c) Duck into the nearest office and hope it's empty.

The problem with choosing "a" is that usually when people say, "Hey, how are you?" or "How was your weekend," or "Is your dad still on chemo?" they don't really care how you feel. I'm one of those people. I'm just being polite. These hallways offer way too much time for a coworker to answer that question and then go into detail about how they spent their weekend trying to sober up from that crazy Friday night they had Tiki Bob's. So there's no way I'm choosing "a." That just leads to more awkwardness.

The problem with "b" is that it's way too obvious that I'm trying to ignore my coworker. Usually if I start with "b," I end up realizing how ridiculous it is, then I'll raise a finger in the air and pretend I just remembered something and turn around to go back to my office, waiting for the coworker to pass. Option "b" never works.

The problem with "c" is that even if you have a 50/50 chance of an office being empty, it can create an enormously awkward moment during the times that you do rush into someone else's office and they stare up at you, waiting to see why you're in there.

So far the best thing I've come up with is to always travel the halls with a folder full of important papers. I can pretend to be absorbed by the folder's contents, until I practically bump into my coworker, give him a quick "Hey, how's it going?" and move on without listening to his response.

The only problem I'm finding is that it's pretty awkward to have to take a folder full of important documents with you to the men's room.

Another Addictive Game: Desktop Tower Defense

2007-06-25T05:12:00.000-04:00

I meant to post this one on Friday, for some Friday happy fun-time. I guess Monday can be a fun day too though.

This game is one of the most addictive games I've ever played. At least as far as cheap online games go. I haven't played it in a while and I think they're up to a version 1.5 now. It's called Desktop Tower Defense, and you get to set up various defense towers that kill creeps before they make it to the end of the screen. It's weird a first, but play it a few times and you'll be hooked. If you're easily addicted to mind games (like me), you might want to wait till Friday, or whenever you really have nothing left to do for an entire afternoon.

Desktop Tower Defense

If you're still bored (which would be amazing), here are a few more of my favorite online games.

Battle at Kruger and Pissed Off Leopard

2007-06-22T08:00:00.001-04:00

Alright, this is just because Brian requested it. Here are some animals attacking things. The first one is long, but worth the time. It's of a pack (pride?) of lions hunting a small buffalo. The buffalo's herd fights back, including one particular buffalo who is a stud. There's also a cameo by a couple of alligators who try to steal the lion's catch. This really is an amazing video.

The second video is just of a leopard who gets pissed off and fights back.

Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

2007-06-22T06:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, this will be my last in immature animal humor. At least for a while. I think this video is funnier with the sound off, but that's up to you. This video is of a farmer being absolutely violated by a cow. The confusing thing is that they censored the cow's teets. Anyways, for some sick reason, I laughed at this. I hope to spread that joy.

Monkey Business

2007-06-21T12:13:00.000-04:00

When I was searching for hippos pooping, I found a few other funny videos and thought I would share. The first video is of a monkey who casually eats his own poop. I think monkeys probably do most things casually, but it looks funny when it's with poop.

Then I found out that this wasn't the only monkey out there eating his poop. The next video is of a monkey who eats his poop, gets sick and pukes it up, then eats his poopy puke. Viewer discretion is advised.

Then those videos reminded me of one of my all time favorites. I remember seeing it before Youtube and all these other great video sharing sites existed. It's of a monkey who smells his own butt and then passes out. Watch his face. It's like for a split second he's amazed at the smell. Classic. "Oh no..."

Congratulations, It's a Yssup!

2007-06-19T06:15:00.000-04:00

Well, I seriously want to congratulate Joel and Tessi on their amazing news. Hopefully you've already heard, but they are expecting.

I like that if you put a period after "expecting," everyone knows exactly what you're talking about.

Anyways, they just got married like a month ago and now they're going to have a kid. That's just awesome. There's much I could say about Joel being a dad, but all I know is that he'll be great at it. So anyways, Congratulations you guys!

Hippo Poop

2007-06-18T18:06:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to find a good video of this for a long time. Since I'm lazy and don't have time to write much, I'm choosing today to share what I think is one of the funniest things ever: Hippos pooping. I'm not sure why, but this just cracks me up.